


Sunshine

by Orangepenguin24



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Abuse, Eventual Matt Casey/Kelly Severide, Kidnapping, M/M, Past Traumatic Brain Injury, Protective Kelly Severide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 55,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24029575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24
Summary: The light of Matt’s world was his little boy Sonny, when his son was cruelly snatched away from him Matt’s world was plunged into darkness. Until ten years later when Kelly turns up on Matt’s doorstep with news that will bring the light back into his life.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 84
Kudos: 62





	1. Two names

**Author's Note:**

> This is a random story, please enjoy.  
> I’m going to continue my other stories too but I couldn’t get this story idea out of my head.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Warning this includes mentions of suicide and death of a child (not Sonny)

“Damn!”cursed Casey as he glanced down at his watch, he kept his eyes glued to the ground as he headed to his truck, Matt was leaving the inn later than he would have liked. Casey had been working as a handyman at the inn for nearly five years, he worked Monday’s to Friday’s and occasionally he picked up other odd jobs around the town. Matt’s house was a short drive from the inn which was located in the centre of the quaint town, he lived in a small rundown house surrounded by fields. There was no mobile phone access or neighbours , the only contact Matt had with the outside world was when he worked at the inn ; even then he only spoke to the owner and occasionally waved or smiled at the customers. In the last five years the only person he had a proper conversation with was Kelly who was also the only person who knew where he lived. When he first moved Matt refused to see anyone, he preferred living in solitude. But Kelly was relentless and every time he had furlough he’d visit Casey, secretly Matt looked forward to the older firefighters visits but he would never admit it.  
Normally Casey tried to leave before the local children returned from school but fixing the squeaky back door had taken longer than he had expected. As he watched a small boy maybe seven or eight talking excitedly to his mother Matt felt a stab in his heart. This shouldn’t be his life, he wasn’t supposed to be alone.

When Matt pulled up outside his humble home a shiny car was parked in his usual space and a tall man was leaning against it,Kelly. Matt furrowed his brows at the person in front of him.Kelly had visited not so long ago , Matt was curious as to what had brought his friend back so soon. Maybe Kelly had a rough call and he wanted somewhere to cool off, it wouldn’t be the first time that had happened.  
“Hey Severide” greeted Matt jumping out of his truck, he knew if something was bothering Kelly it was best not to ask and just let the firefighter tell him when he was ready. Matt headed towards his house but realised Kelly wasn’t following, Matt turned around and examined the man still leaning on the car. He looked tired from driving and he appeared to have just come straight from shift but there was also a brightness in his eyes and a small smile on his face.  
“Kelly?”,  
The man in question walked up to him and placed his hands on his shoulders and stared into his eyes.  
“They’ve found him Matt”.

-  
Logan dug into the burger one of the police officers had given to him, he knew they were trying to earn his trust. He was grateful for the food but Logan already knew they were good people, he could tell by the bright spark in their eyes and the way they smiled softly at him. His Uncle Ryder had always told him that the police were good people but they had to avoid them for awhile. Ryder had made a lot of mistakes they wouldn’t understand, if Logan wanted to stay with him he had to keep his mouth shut but none of that mattered now. Ryder was never a bad person, Logan knew he’d done a lot of bad things but he had always been good to him, Ryder was a good person who made bad decisions. Logan had lived with Ryder since he was four. They were a happy family, Ryder also had a daughter named Eve. He was in the army before he left to take care of eve when she got sick, they had no money so Ryder got desperate, he crossed a line and got stuck in a life full of pain. Ryder was there the night Logan’s mother died but he was always honest with Logan, he even admitted to help killing Logan’s mother. However Ryder wasn’t like the other people who were there the night his mother died, they wanted to kill him too but Ryder convinced them to let Logan live. Ryder had a house in the middle of nowhere where he’d leave Logan with Eve while he went on jobs. Eve always looked after him but as she got sicker their rolls switched. Logan used to stay glued by her side sitting in an old faded blue arm chair next to her bed as he clung onto the phone, however one day she started to seize and he called Ryder but it was too late. Logan always wondered if he wasn’t paying enough attention to her, if there were signs he had missed. After loosing Eve they always moved around travelling from motel to motel for Ryder’s work. He had to stay in the damp stinky rooms all day and never talk to anyone but it wasn’t that bad. During their long journeys he’d sit in the back of the car drawing the different things they passed, he had a dark blue flimsy notebook which was half full, also there was about ten other notebooks in his rucksack that all varied in size and colour, they were his prized possessions. Between travelling they’d stop in the middle of nowhere, they’d play catch with the old battered baseball he carried around and gazed at the stars when neither of them could sleep.

Now Ryder was gone because Logan had broken the rules. He had been doodling in his notebook waiting for Ryder to return when he smelt smoke, he grabbed his rucksack and ran for the exit but stopped mid stride when he heard a woman screaming for help. He couldn’t leave her behind, he ran towards the cries for help. The lady was trying desperately to run out of the burning building but she had two small children in her arms and she was struggling to carry them out. He ran up to her and persuaded her to pass him one of the children. He clung onto the small girl who must have been about three years old and darted down the stairs and out the door. When he reached safety he handed the girl to a paramedic and the mother followed her daughter into the back of an ambulance. Logan tried to disappear without being seen. Ryder always told him to avoid talking to the strangers or doing anything memorable, in case of an emergency he was supposed to head to the meeting point they had decided on, this time it was a phone box outside a tiny coffee shop. However just as he was about to make a run for it a paramedic steered him into the back of an ambulance, he desperately urged himself to resist but he was exhausted and it was getting hard to breathe, begrudgingly he cooperated with the medic.

After the doctor at the hospital checked him over they called CPS, Logan was refusing to give them his name leaving them no other choice. Logan pretended to to go to the bathroom and took off, Ryder had taught him how to get out of places unseen but he must have messed up this time. When he reached the phone box a panicked Ryder was already waiting for him, he grabbed him and threw him into the car. They’d been driving for five minutes when he heard sirens approaching. Ryder turned off the main road and headed down a deserted street but the police cars were still tailing them, before Logan understood what was happening the car stopped and Ryder pulled something out of his jacket pocket. He turned towards Logan and looked into the young boys blue eyes,  
“I’m sorry buddy”.  
As Ryder’s apology reached his ears he realised the object in Ryder’s hand was a gun, Logan watched the fear in Ryder’s eyes morph into peace as he stepped out of the car and aimed for a police officer. Just like that the man who had raised him was gone, Logan’s heart shattered into a million pieces. Tears streamed down his face, he was devastated that Ryder had left him behind but he wasn’t surprised. They’d talked about Ryder getting a normal job and settling down some place where Logan would be able to go to School but they both knew there was only one way you left the life Ryder was living. Logan knew Ryder would have left this world along time ago if it wasn’t for him, he was the reason he stayed so long. Maybe Ryder wouldn’t be in pain anymore, that was the only thought bringing Logan comfort.

He listened intently to the cops talking in the other room, they knew his real name but he didn’t understand how. He hadn’t told them it yet, he tried to but every time he opened his mouth he broke into hysterical sobs. Logan had finally managed to slow down his breathing and stop crying when the police officer returned, he tried desperately to remember the officer’s name but his brain felt fuzzy. He nervously tapped his foot on the floor and brushed the blonde straggly hair out of his eyes when the officers name finally popped into his foggy mind, the kind man in front of him was officer Tanner.  
“Hey kid we contacted your family, they’ll be here soon”assured Tanner.  
“B-but they’re dead” replied Logan slowly, any other day he might have been annoyed or upset but after everything that had happened he was too tired to care.  
“No kiddo you’re dads still alive” Tanner informed in a gentle tone. Logan nodded hesitantly, his head hurt too much to dwell on that fact. He diverted his attention to his missing backpack, he looked anxiously around for his trusty bag but it was nowhere to be seen, he felt insecure without it, he had carried it with him everywhere since he was six years old.  
“I’ll be right back ”promised the officer as he left the room once again. A few seconds later he could hear him bickering with another officer before reappearing with Logan’s beloved backpack in his hand. But the other officer followed angrily behind.  
“That’s evidence” yelled the officer.  
“It’s the kids backpack there’s nothing sinister inside” sighed Tanner.  
“You don’t know that for sure”,  
“Are you carrying any drugs or lethal weapons?” Tanner asked Logan with a smirk.  
“Not today” laughed Logan. The stuck up officer rolled his eyes in exasperation before storming out.  
“Here” said Tanner as he handed Logan the bag.  
“Thank you” replied Logan hugging the bag to his chest.  
“How do you know my real name?” He inquired after a few minutes of silence.  
“We ran your DNA, there was a match in the missing persons database”,  
“Huh, So is that what people call me now?”  
“If that’s what you want”.  
“I’m not sure if I suit my real name, sounds too happy, like the name of a sesame street character” Logan explained causing Tanner to chuckle.  
“maybe you’ll get to used to it” reasoned Tanner earning a sceptical look from Logan.  
“Why don’t we try it out?”,  
“What do you mean?” questioned Logan furrowing his eyebrows.  
“Hi I’m Ray Tanner what’s your name?” Asked ray in an overly cheerful voice holding out his hand causing Logan to roll his eyes before taking the mans hand,  
“Hi Ray I’m Sonny Thomas-Casey”


	2. The drive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Kelly start their long journey to reunite with Sonny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

“Don’t mess with me Kelly” growled Matt. What sort of sick joke was Kelly playing? Matt felt anger surge through him as he clenched his fists.  
“I’m not messing with you Casey, they found Sonny alive” promised Kelly tightening his grip on Matt’s arms in an attempt to calm the blonde down. Matt’s heart was drumming inside his chest and his legs felt like jelly. They found his boy but before he could begin to celebrate Matt came crashing down to reality. He shook his head as he remembered bitterly all the times before they thought they had found Sonny, Matt didn’t want to get his hopes up, what if it wasn’t his boy? Matt didn’t think he could take another disappointment.  
“Look I promise I’ll explain everything I know on the way but get in the car now, we have a long drive ahead” urged Kelly, Matt jumped into the car and they sped off down the country road neither of them being able to wait much longer for the truth. 

“Are you sure?” Asked Matt his voice full of fear, he’d dreamt of this day for the last ten years.  
“Yes Matt I’m positive” insisted Kelly, he remembered the first few weeks after Sonny went missing, how they jumped up at every lead, how Matt would wait by the phone all night silently begging for the phone call telling him they’d found Sonny. But ten years of not knowing where his son was, ten years of driving across the country following leads that turned out to be dead ends had made Matt pessimistic.  
“Detective Warner received a call from police in Pennsylvania, they were chasing a suspect in a robbery when they caught up with him they found a fourteen year old boy in the car, he didn’t know his last name he just insisted his name was Logan. One of the cops suggested running his DNA and it was a match with Sonny’s” explained Kelly his mind still buzzing in relief.  
“Warner made them check the DNA again before he contacted me but the guy they were chasing was in Chicago at the time Sonny went missing. It all matches up, you know Warner would never tell us unless he was positive it was Sonny” Kelly continued. They both knew how much time detective Warner had invested into Sonny’s case. He’d been on the case since day one and the detective had never stopped searching, to this day he still carried Sonny’s case file around with him, Sonny’s disappearance gnawed at Warner, it was the case that would always haunt him.  
“What happened to the guy they were chasing?” Inquired Matt breaking his silence.  
“Suicide by cop, Sonny saw the whole thing” revealed Kelly sadly  
“Is he ok?” Questioned Matt, even if the boy wasn’t Sonny he felt sympathy towards them, that must have been a horrible thing to witness, he hoped they were alright whoever they were.  
“Physically he’s fine, no injuries” replied Kelly.  
“That’s good” admitted Matt before staring out of the window. For ten years he’d been running various scenarios of what had happened to Sonny but as time went on Matt believed it was highly unlikely he’d ever see his little boy again.

One decision, all this pain because of one stupid decision. Matt had met Hallie when he was a candidate and she was a med student, after being together off and on for three years she fell pregnant with Sonny, they weren’t living together at the time and after a brief unsuccessful attempt at living together they decided they were better off separated. They were good friends but they weren’t meant to be husband and wife. They never let the fact they weren’t a couple get in the way of what was best for Sonny, having suffered due to his own parents divorce Matt knew how important it was to remain civil. Admittedly they encountered obstacles ; every family does, parenthood was far from easy but they always got through it. Matt would have Sonny one week and then Hallie would have him the next, when they were on shift Sonny would stay with their reliable babysitter Cindy Herrmann. Matt didn’t have enough money to buy a house therefore he still lived with Kelly,Sonny stayed in the room that belonged to Andy when they were candidates. Their situation was far from conventional but it worked, Kelly had always been like a second father to Sonny. He was the luckiest kid in the world as he had three amazing people who cared about him more than anything. They swore they would always be there to protect Sonny. But they failed on that horrible dreadful day. Hallie had a rough shift as a young seven year old girl had passed away. When Hallie turned up at Casey’s with tear tracks staining her face asking to see Sonny Matt felt a pang in his heart, he understood what she was going through every time they lost a child on a call Matt felt sick to his stomach. Seeing how shaken Hallie was Matt told her to take Sonny for the evening, but there was something neither of them knew, after investigating suspicious activity at the clinic she worked in Hallie had earned a target on her head. Her shady boss had hired someone to take care of her. They’d been stalking Hallie for weeks, they knew her shift pattern and that Sonny was supposed to be at Casey’s. No one expected little Sonny to jump out of his bed after hearing a loud bang and run downstairs to find his mum dead on the living room floor.   
Detective Warner had quickly connected Hallie’s boss to her death but even after being arrested and imprisoned for life he refused to reveal the names of the people he hired to kill Hallie. He proclaimed he had nothing to loose, the only joy in his life was watching the pain in detective Warner’s and Matt’s eyes. The crew he had hired were skilled, they were paid in cash and used burner phones, they were ghosts. There wasn’t a day that passed that Matt didn’t wish he had told Hallie to stay, told her she could sleep in his bed and he’d sleep on the couch, Sonny would have definitely been ok and maybe Hallie would be still alive. Sonny had always been a happy kid, he was their little ray of sunshine and Hallie was the kindest most loving mother in the world. Matt’s decision destroyed their lives, he would carry that guilt for the rest of his life.

Matt felt like they’d been driving for years, he needed the truth soon before his head exploded with anxiousness.   
“Kelly pull over” instructed Matt as he stared at the exhausted firefighter next to him.  
“What? Why?” Asked Kelly panicked, he wasn’t surprised Matt didn’t believe they had found Sonny but he didn’t expect Matt to not even check.  
“Relax Kelly, you look like a corpse. I’ll drive the rest of the way, you need to sleep” explained Matt. Kelly began to protest but Matt cut him off.Kelly pulled over the car and swapped places with Matt, they’d only been driving for five minutes when Severide began leaning heavily on the car door as his heavy eyelids closed. Matt let his thoughts drift away from Sonny and to the tired firefighter next to him. Sonny was Matt’s son but Sonny meant the world to Kelly too, Sonny always called him uncle Sevy and Kelly had been their nearly as much as Matt had. Finding Sonny was just as important to Kelly as it was to Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it. Any criticism welcome.


	3. Reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reunion Matt dreamt of for years has finally arrived but it’s a lot tougher than he anticipated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thank you for reading, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Sonny swung his feet back and forth as he scribbled contently in his notebook, night had descended on the station and the officers unfortunate enough to be working the grave yard shift were peacefully working, they were a lot quieter than their daytime counterparts. Officer Tanner was sat opposite Sonny staring intently at a pile of paperwork sprawled out in front of him on the table , he had dark bags under his eyes and his shoulders were hunched over. Surely his shift would be over by now thought Sonny.  
“Everything alright?” Asked Tanner feeling the boys piercing blue eyes on him.  
“Do you normally stay here this late?” Inquired Sonny softly, he didn’t want to upset or pry but the man seemed dangerously tired. Sonny held his breath as he waited for a response, he wasn’t sure if he had crossed a line, he didn’t know what was appropriate to say as he’d only spoken more than one word to two people in the last ten years. He was only allowed to say thanks or hello to the strangers they bumped into, also there were even days when Ryder didn’t speak and he preferred complete silence, the older Ryder got the more frequent the days of silence became. All of this meant Sonny was extremely inexperienced when it came to interacting with people.  
“No” replied Ryder honestly.  
“You’re staying because of me” concluded Sonny. He didn’t understand why the officer would waste his time looking after him, they were complete strangers until a few hours ago.  
“I don’t mind waiting on my own” admitted Sonny quietly, he found the officers presence comforting but he didn’t want to be a burden.  
“No sonny I don’t mind staying, you’re a good kid” assured Tanner causing Sonny to screw his face up in disagreement. Sonny was pretty sure Tanner’s view of him would change if he knew he had killed someone, if Tanner knew he was the reason Eve died.  
“But surely you’d rather be at home?” Sonny questioned, he didn’t know if Tanner had anyone waiting for him but at the very least a warm bed would be a lot better than the hard chairs in the police stations break room.  
“I won’t be able to relax at home knowing you’re here all alone. Plus my family will all be asleep by now, they won’t know whether I’m there or not” admitted Tanner trying to put the boy at ease.  
“You’re a good person” stated Sonny meeting Tanners eyes for a second before returning his attention to his drawing.  
“You are too Sonny” insisted Tanner reaching out and tapping the blonde’s shoulder , the officer could see a blush creeping into the young boys cheeks as he shook his head in disagreement.   
“Are you nervous about seeing your dad?” Tanner asked as he glanced at the old noisy clock hanging on the wall, Sonny’s dad would be there soon.  
“Yeah” Sonny confessed shakily before continuing,  
“I remember him, not very clearly it’s all a bit distorted but over the years small memories have come back to me. But we’re virtually strangers. I’m not the same son he lost, what if he’s disappointed?” Asked Sonny with fear in his voice, his body relaxed slightly after releasing the words that had been whirring around his head since he had found out his dad was alive. He hadn’t intended to say so much but he was relieved he had.  
“He’ll just be happy to see you safe and sound. It won’t always be easy but I’m sure you both will get through it” comforted Tanner reaching into his pocket pulling out a smile piece of paper.  
“Just in case here’s my number, if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to call” stated Tanner handing Sonny his card.  
“Thanks” He replied slipping the card into his backpack. As he returned his attention to his notebook his limbs felt heavy and his drawing was becoming shaky and sloppy, his head fell slowly onto the table and he almost lost his battle with sleep when the sound of an officer talking to Tanner shook him awake.   
“Give me one second Sonny” asked Tanner exiting the room with the officer. Sonny peered out of the door to the break room, he could see them talking to two wary looking men.   
After a few moments the men turned towards him, Sonny quickly buried his head in his notebook.

Meanwhile Matt’s heart was vibrating furiously in his chest, the detective was explaining everything to him but it was nothing Kelly hadn’t told him in the car. However they did tell Matt that Sonny would need a lot of care and attention, it wouldn’t be easy but Sonny would be ok. Matt’s breath caught in his throat when his eyes landed on the boy in the break room.  
“Sonny” gasped Matt, that was his boy without a doubt. He had Matt’s blonde hair and blue eyes but what persuaded Matt the most was his smile, he had Hallie’s smile. Tanner looked sympathetically at Matt, he had two young boys at home, he couldn’t imagine how painful it would be to spend ten years not knowing where they were ; wondering if they were even alive. Tanner knew that even though they were being reunited the father and son both had a long road ahead of them.  
“Come on, I think you’ve waited long enough” announced Tanner heading to Sonny.  
As the three men entered the room Sonny felt like a rabbit caught in the headlights, he had no clue how to act. Little did Sonny know Matt was feeling exactly the same, Sonny was his little boy, he wanted to pull him into a hug and tell him he’d never leave him but he didn’t want to overwhelm the teen. Refraining from hugging his son was agonising.  
“Hi” croaked Sonny, giving the blonde man a shy smile.  
“Hey” breathed Matt slowly taking the seat opposite the boy. Sonny gazed at the man behind the older blonde, he remembered him from the few memories he had from before he was taken . He remembered going to a fire station and wearing a helmet, sitting in the front of the truck as the sirens blared. 

“Hey Sonny, I um I’m your dad but I guess ... I guess that feels strange right now, h-how about you call me Matt for now?” Casey offered gently, he despised having to refrain from reaching out and pulling the young boy into his arms, after Sonny had first gone missing he’d imagined their reunion countless times, he always pictured Sonny running up to him yelling “dad” and he’d scoop the boy up into his arms and he’d promise to never let go, as time went on and his hope dwindled he stopped imagining their reunion, therefore he was unprepared for Sonny to look at him with uncertainty in his eyes, to look at him as if he was a stranger.  
“That sounds good to me” answered Sonny offering the man another smile, he greatly appreciated Matt’s offer, he knew this must be hard for the older man but he was relieved Matt understood he wasn’t ready to call him dad yet. Sonny turned his attention to the man behind Matt.  
“You’re um you’re Sevy right?” Inquired Sonny cautiously as the name popped into his head. Kelly chuckled gently as he was overcome with relief, Sonny remembered his him. He expected sonny to briefly remember Matt but he never expected Sonny to recognise him.  
“Yeah that’s right, most people call me Kelly but you and your da... um Matt always referred to me as Sev” explained Kelly earning a small nod from Sonny.  
“So kiddo, it’s really late now and you must be tired, I know this all weird but are you ok to go home with Matt and Kelly?” Asked Tanner tentatively as he crouched down in front of Sonny blocking the other two men from his view.  
“Yeah” Sonny replied softly grabbing his backpack.  
“You might want to use the bathroom first, we have a long journey” advised Kelly gently. Sonny nodded before disappearing out of the room.  
“He’s a fantastic Kid, it won’t be a walk in the park, raising kids never is but he’s going to be fine” comforted Tanner noticing the anxiousness in Matt’s eyes.  
“Thanks” he replied jumping up as Sonny returned.  
“Ready?” Questioned Kelly.  
“Yep” responded Sonny but before following Kelly and Matt out of the room he stopped and turned back to Tanner.   
“Good luck kid, remember call me if you need anything but I doubt you’ll need me, they’re good people” comforted Tanner offering his hand for Sonny to shake, but the boy ignored the hand and flung his arms around the officer , after recovering from his surprise Tanner returned the warm hug. Ryder hated hugs, the only time he’d hugged Sonny was the day they scattered Eve’s ashes.  
“Thank you” whispered Sonny before letting go and heading after Matt. 

They’d only been on the road for five minutes when the younger blonde succumbed to sleep, Matt peered in the mirror to observe the young boy and he suddenly he felt fear flooding over him.  
“What are we going to do?” Gasped Matt the situation suddenly dawning on him.  
“What do you mean Matt?”,  
“I live in a one bed house that’s falling apart, what am I going to do?” Asked Matt panicked, he hadn’t thought about any of this on the way to the station, he had been too focused on refusing to get his hopes up. Matt’s house was small and rundown, when Kelly visited he slept on the sofa bed but that wouldn’t be a suitable solution now.  
“Damn it I never thought of that” cursed Kelly scrubbing a hand across his face when something occurred to him.  
“Come back to Chicago, stay with me, I have two spare rooms and plus it’s actually your house” responded Kelly with a grin, he knew Matt left Chicago because it was full of painful memories but he hoped that maybe with Sonny he’d finally return.  
“I don’t know Kelly?”,  
“Oh come on, I have lots of space” exclaimed Kelly, after Sonny disappeared Matt couldn’t cope living in an apartment full of memories of his son, he’d moved out a year after Sonny was taken. Matt had brought a house to fix up, it became his project to help him ignore the helpless feeling and the memories gnawing at his soul. Kelly left their old apartment shortly after and moved in with Shay. Then Matt suffered a traumatic brain injury after Sonny had been missing for about five years.Matt fully recovered but he’d lost his drive, he didn’t want to return to fifty one so he gave in his notice, packed his bag and left. However Matt kept the house and rented it out. Casey had been gone roughly six months when Shay passed away, Kelly spent a month with Casey but watching Matt he realised running away solved nothing. Kelly had hoped that when he returned Matt would follow but Casey had refused to leave his isolation, instead Casey told Kelly he could stay in the renovated house rent free,Kelly insisted he paid rent but he was quite happy living in the house, as long as he lived there he knew Matt would never sell it, leaving a small glimmer of hope that one day the blonde would return to Chicago. Now finally after years of clinging onto hope, Matt returning with Sonny wasn’t just some dream but an actual possibility.  
“I guess you’re right”sighed Matt.  
“Can I get that in writing” quipped Kelly.  
“Haha very funny, we’ll go to my house collect my stuff and if we don’t encounter any problems we should be heading back to Chicago by tomorrow evening” explained Matt, Kelly’s head felt hazy he couldn’t believe this was happening, the two most important people in his life were coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, any criticism is welcome.  
> Hope you had a good day. ; )


	4. Tired

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt feels out of his depth, he wants to hug his son tightly and promise him he will never leave him but he’s practically a stranger to Sonny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay in updating. Hope you enjoy this chapter.

Kelly’s car pulled up silently outside the old rundown house that had been Matt’s residence for the past few years. It was early in the morning and he had swapped places with Matt halfway through the journey. Kelly chuckled softly to himself as he looked around at the other two occupants of the car. Both Casey’s were fast asleep, Matt’s head was pressed up against the window his hair messily sticking to the glass ,while Sonny was sprawled out unceremoniously across the backseat with his head haphazardly balancing on his lumpy backpack.  
“Hey Matt we’re here” announced Kelly gently shaking the sleeping man. The tired ex-firefighter began to stir and after a few moments he pried open his heavy eye lids. Matt sat up straight and the fog clouding his mind began to clear and his memories of the night before began flooding back. Reluctantly Matt turned around in his seat, he was terrified that there would be no one occupying the backseat, it wouldn’t be the first time Matt’s dreams of being reunited with Sonny had spilled into the day time. After his brain injury he’d suffered from hallucinations and memory problems. The first two months after the accident had been just as painful as the first two months after Sonny went missing.Matt felt like he had lost the only thing he had left, his mind. At first he had managed to hide the fact he’d been seeing Hallie and Sonny from everyone but Kelly had been watching his friend closely as he had suspected something was seriously wrong. Severide had tried to get Casey to open up but the blonde had blocked him out. The truth about Matt’s state of mind came out in a messy incident after the hallucinations pushed Matt to his breaking point. That night would haunt Kelly forever, he should have done more to help Matt before things got that bad. Eventually with the help of a doctor the hallucinations ceased and Matt was cleared for light duty but Casey had given up on returning to normal and he fled Chicago. 

Relief rolled over Matt as his eyes settled on Sonny, it was real, he had found his son.  
“Should I wake him?” Questioned Matt looking at the boy in the mirror as he sluggishly rubbed the remaining sleep out of his eyes.  
“I think we have to, we can’t leave him asleep in the car in a strange place he’s never been before ” reasoned Kelly. Matt scrambled out of the car and cautiously opened the passenger back door.  
“Wake up kiddo” coaxed Matt tentatively reaching out and tapping Sonny’s shoulder but the boy remained fast asleep .  
“Come on Sonny rise and shine” Matt urged slightly louder this time but all he got in response was a soft snore. The last twenty four hours must have been long and tiring for the poor boy no wonder he was virtually unconscious thought Casey sadly.  
“What’s going on Matt?” asked Kelly moving to stand behind his friend , a small smile tugged at the corner of Severide’s mouth as he peered into the backseat. The scene reminded Kelly of the first time he and Andy took Matt out to a bar. The two friends hadn’t realised Matt had never gone out drinking before, the eventful night had ended with a tipsy Casey falling asleep on Andy in the taxi on the way home. Kelly flicked his gaze between Matt and Sonny It was frightening how alike the two of them looked, the boy really was just a younger version of Casey with slightly longer and scruffier hair.  
“I can’t wake him up” sighed Matt.  
“Huh well I guess you’ll just have to carry him in” Kelly responded matter of factly.  
“I can’t do that”,  
“You were a firefighter Matt I’ve seen you carry people double his size before”,  
“That’s not the issue” groaned Matt this whole situation was torture, he had no idea how to act around his own son. On one hand he could be make Sonny uncomfortable by being too affectionate or he could harm Sonny by being too distant, this entire situation was dreadful. Kelly scrubbed a wary hand across his face he felt just as confused and conflicted as Matt.   
“Look Matt I get that you’re taking it slow but you can’t leave him out here”,  
“There’s no one else around”,  
“Matt!”   
“I was joking” responded the blonde with a smirk, Kelly knew Matt would never really leave the sleeping boy on his own outside. If anything Kelly wouldn’t be surprised if Matt never let sonny out of his sight again. He remembered how Matt would lie next to Sonny’s crib after a rough shift intently listening to the soothing sound of his baby boy’s breathing. Even as sonny got older Matt would stand in the door way watching over the boy, often he had to pick Sonny up off the floor after he rolled off the bed. Sonny had always been full of energy and rarely sat still.  
“Why don’t you go open the front door ready?” Matt instructed accepting that he had no other choice. Carefully he removed the boy from the car but didn’t Sonny make a peep. Matt chuckled to himself as he looked at the boy in his arms, Matt believed even an earthquake wouldn’t disturb the exhausted kid. Sonny had always possessed the ability to sleep anywhere and ignore the world around him, before he went missing Matt carrying the mischievous blonde boy to bed was a regular occurrence. Because Sonny frequently fell asleep in random places, Matt once found him asleep in the wardrobe after a game of hide and seek.  
Matt carefully settled the boy down on the bed upstairs. As he tucked Sonny in he couldn’t stop smiling he finally had his son back in his life. Despite his happiness he could feel fear spreading over him, he wished Hallie was here, she’d know how to look after Sonny. Casey couldn’t do this on his own.  
“You’re doing good Matt” comforted Kelly as they both headed out of the room.  
“I don’t have a clue what to do Kelly, I don’t want to screw this up. But I’m not the same man I was when he disappeared” admitted Matt.  
“But you’re here and I know you’re going to be there for him every step of the way. No ones perfect Matt but you’re trying, that’s what matters” comforted Kelly flashing the other man a warm smile. That’s when Matt realised he wasn’t on his own, Kelly would be with him and Sonny every step of the way.

It didn’t take the two men very long to pack up Matt’s stuff, the only things he had brought with him from Chicago were his clothes and his tool box. When Matt left Chicago he’d given up on life, his plan was to live the rest of his days all alone. After all he could never save the people he loved. Sonny, Hallie, Andy, he failed them all. Matt spent his days saving other people but could never save the ones he loved the most. But now he had his son back and he had to be strong for him.

Kelly searched the cupboards for something to eat and finally managed to find a loaf of bread and some jars of jam.  
“One thing for sure Matt is if you’re going to look after Sonny you need to start looking after yourself too” stated Kelly, Matt barely had enough food in the house, he worked way too much and Kelly was positive he was the only person Matt had had a proper conversation with in the last five years. Instead of answering his friend Matt shot Kelly a glare. Maybe he had slipped behind on keeping the cabinets stocked but he was a grown man he didn’t need Kelly worrying, he’d been doing just fine on his own , he earnt a living, he was always clean shaven and washed and despite his lack of a balanced diet he did eat. Given all the messy horrible stuff he’d been through Matt thought he was doing fine. He appreciated Kelly’s help in regards to Sonny but he didn’t need Kelly to start acting like his babysitter.

Matt was quickly calling the inn to give them his resignation, they were irritated at the short notice but Matt could hardly hang around for another week, earning Sonny’s trust would be difficult enough without having to do it in a dusty house in the middle of nowhere. If they got off to a rocky start in Chicago Matt could take Sonny to the park, the cinema or even the firehouse if he got desperate; there was nothing for either of them in this town. Kelly was spreading dark red jam across a burnt piece of toast when he heard someone padding down the stairs. Sonny stopped in the doorway of the kitchen and gave the two men a small smile. He was absentmindedly tugging on the straps his trusty backpack (Kelly had dropped it off in the room while he was sleeping).  
“Good morning Sonny, do you want some toast?” Asked Kelly as Sonny shuffled further into the kitchen.  
“N- no thank you” replied Sonny hesitantly, he didn’t want to hurt Kelly’s feelings but the pile of toast on the side was almost as dark as coal.   
“It’s not my fault, it’s Matt’s old toaster” defended Kelly noticing the amused look on Sonny’s face.  
“Don’t listen to him Sonny, there’s nothing wrong with that toaster it’s all him. He’s got a reputation for burning food” teased Matt sitting down at the counter.

Matt looked around his house one last time checking he hadn’t forgotten anything important, he and Kelly had explained the situation to Sonny who had accepted the plan immediately. Severide had been expecting Sonny to be stubborn like his father, he expected the boy to ask a million questions but the boy had been nothing but compliant so far, part of Kelly hoped the boy would start to rebel soon. Matt stepped outside with a smile on his face as he joined Kelly and Sonny. He didn’t feel bad about leaving, this place was never his home.   
“So Sonny who do you want to ride to Chicago with me or Matt?” Asked Kelly gently, Sonny looked at his feet and began nervously chewing his lip. Matt felt for the boy, so far Sonny had no trouble talking to Kelly but often struggled talking to him, Matt knew Sonny probably wanted to drive with Kelly but was too afraid of hurting his feelings.  
“You know what in that fancy car of his Kelly has a nasty habit of exceeding the speed limit, I think you should ride along with him to keep him in line” joked Matt trying to put the boy at ease.  
Sonny immediately felt all the tension evaporate from his body, he liked Matt he really did but he felt like there were these expectations he had to reach when he was with him, they were father and son there wasn’t supposed to be so much distance between them. Where as with Kelly there was no pressure on him to get along with the older man, conversation seemed to flow easier.   
“You’re just jealous” shot back Kelly as he flashed Matt an understanding smile, Matt had always been one to put others needs above his own, especially if the other person was Sonny. Kelly knew that no matter the personal cost Matt would do anything for Sonny.  
Matt felt a deep pang in his heart as he watched a Sonny jump into Severide’s car and the shiny vehicle quickly speed away. One car journey didn’t matter, Matt had the rest of his life to strengthen his and Sonny’s relationship.For now he was happy to get to know his son, one day he’d be able to hug his boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Any criticism welcome : )  
> Hope you enjoyed.


	5. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the long journey back to Chicago Kelly takes the opportunity to start to get to know Sonny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, sorry for the long delay in updating.

Sonny stared out of the car window and hummed along happily to the song playing on the radio, the familiarity of driving across state helped him forget about the horrible events of the day before. Now his mind was no longer clouded with sleep or tiredness, his memories of what had happened leading up to him being taken to the police station had come flooding back. Every time he turned to look at the driver of the car there was a stab in his heart when he saw it wasn’t Ryder. He was trying his best to forget about what had happened to the man who raised him, he refused to accept that Ryder was dead. It was easier for Sonny to tell himself that Ryder had jumped out of the car before the police had arrived and taken off on foot. In sonny’s mind Ryder was already in a different state searching for somewhere to lay low; when Ryder deemed it safe to return to Chicago he would come back for him. One day they would be reunited because Ryder would never abandon him, he promised.

“Sorry about all the travelling” apologised Kelly his kind voice piercing through Sonny’s thoughts.  
“It’s ok, me and Ryder used to travel around all the time” Sonny replied casually . Kelly flinched at the mention of Ryder but thankfully the teen hadn’t noticed, Severide didn’t know anything about Ryder except for the fact he snatched Sonny away from them. However the fondness leaking into Sonny’s words made Kelly realise something that would make rebuilding their lives together even more difficult, the young blonde didn’t see Ryder as the bad man who kidnapped him, he saw Ryder as the man who had looked after him for the past ten years, he saw him as a father figure.  
“So uh you must have visited a lot of places then and seen a lot of things ” responded Kelly recovering from his initial shock.  
“Yeah” Sonny replied in a distant voice, Kelly could hear sadness seeping into the boy’s voice.  
“Hey it’s ok Sonny, I know you’re going to miss travelling but Chicago is a great place” promised Kelly, he felt sorry for the young boy, his entire life had changed in a blink of an eye.  
“Huh, oh no it’s not that it’s just-” started Sonny before stopping to let out a shaky breath. He didn’t want Kelly to think Ryder was a bad guy, the other man only ever did the things he did to keep Sonny safe.  
“I never really saw much of the places we went to. Ryder didn’t like me being in busy places, I used to stay in the motel room while Ryder did what he needed to do” explained Sonny.  
“But it never bothered me. I enjoyed travelling from place to place, we’d stop in fields on the way and play baseball. Well I guess it’s not really baseball when it’s only the two of you. But it was a lot of fun” continued Sonny hastily, it may have been unusual but he’d had a good childhood and he didn’t want to Kelly to believe otherwise.  
“Have you ever played a proper game?” Asked Kelly curiously.  
“No” Sonny report allowing a frown to flash across his face for a few seconds.  
“Well I guess we’ll have to change that won’t we” announced Kelly causing the blonde to beam brightly at him. Sonny loved living with Ryder but he hated how lonely it was sometimes, for years he’d dreamt of actually being able to play baseball in a team or even just practicing with people his own age. Kelly continued asking Sonny about himself while the blonde asked Kelly what life was like in Chicago. The conversation flowed easily and Sonny was surprised by how comfortable he felt talking to Kelly. Words just seemed to tumble out of his mouth as he talked to the older man.

“Matt never remarried or had more children?” Asked Sonny curiously after their conversation about Chicago fizzled out. The question had been on his mind ever since Officer Tanner had told him his father was alive, before he’d been reunited with the ex-firefighter Sonny had imagined Matt having a new wife and young children. After all Ten years was a very long time, Matt could have easily started another family in that time but from what Sonny had seen in Matt’s dilapidated house he knew apart from Kelly, Matt was all alone. Guilt bubbled up inside his chest as he realised he was probably the reason for the older blondes isolation. As Kelly remained silent Sonny started to wonder if he had crossed a line, he wasn’t used to talking to people he didn’t know very well. With Ryder he had known exactly what he could and couldn’t say, as long as he never mentioned Eve or his parents Ryder didn’t care what Sonny talked about. But the young teen didn’t have a clue what was appropriate to say to Kelly or Matt. Despite knowing he needed to be careful and tread lightly Sonny couldn’t stop himself from blurting out what ever came to mind. As he waited for Kelly to speak Sonny started to fear that his babbling had landed him in hot water.

“I’m sorry, it doesn’t matter” apologised Sonny in a high pitch voice full of panic.  
“No Sonny it’s fine, you just caught me off guard that’s all” replied Kelly feeling regret surge through him at the young boys distress.  
“You can always ask me anything Sonny, I promise I’ll never judge and I will always try my best to help” promised Kelly who had a feeling that Sonny would indeed ask him more question’s in the future and seek him out for advice. During their journey Kelly had noticed one big difference separating Matt from Sonny, the younger boy was incredibly open, he didn’t dance around difficult subjects or hide his feelings. Kelly had felt relief wash over him at the fact Sonny thankfully hadn’t inherited Matt’s worst habit; the blonde firefighters closed off behaviour had always caused him more harm than good. Fortunately Sonny appeared to have Hallie’s honest nature, the woman had never hidden how she felt about things and was always voiced her opinion, she was known to be quite blunt at times. When she and Matt were a couple they had balanced each other out perfectly, maybe Sonny was what Matt needed to start opening up to people again.

“And to answer your earlier question, no Matt never remarried or had more children, it didn’t feel right to him. He wasn’t the same after everything that happened” sighed Kelly.  
“Oh” Sonny mumbled softly feeling overwhelmed with guilt.  
“I ruined his life didn’t I?” Croaked they blonde.  
“No of course you didn’t Sonny.You’re the best thing that ever happened to him” soothed Kelly as he mentally kicked himself, he should have known Sonny would blame himself, he was definitely Matt’s son.  
“Look I wasn’t just talking about you disappearing, you going missing really hurt Matt but slowly he began to learn to cope with the pain he was feeling” explained Kelly before pausing. He wasn’t sure how Matt would feel about what he was about to say next. Kelly’s head began to ache at the conflicting thoughts filling his mind, on one hand Casey deserved privacy but on the other hand Sonny had a right to know. Kelly decided to proceed with telling Sonny the truth, he didn’t want his relationship with the young boy to be built on secrets and lies.  
“But just as he was starting to deal with your disappearance and your mother’s death everything went wrong” admitted Kelly.  
“How so?” Asked Sonny tilting his slightly causing his hair to flop to one side.  
“We lost a very close friend and we were at odds for a long time because of it. Then Matt had an accident which left him with a brain injury. He started to heal, but the thing about recovery is a part of you has to want to get better but Matt just didn’t care anymore” explained Kelly in a steady tone, constantly shifting his gaze from the road to Sonny to check the boy was doing ok. Sonny remained quiet for awhile as he mulled Kelly’s words over in his head, Ryder hadn’t wanted to heal either after Eve’s death, Sonny hoped he wouldn’t loose Matt too.  
“Do you think he’ll start to heal now?” Asked the young blonde hopefully, he wished he’d done more to help Ryder, maybe he could help Matt.  
“I hope so”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, any criticism welcome.
> 
> Thank you for reading: )  
> Stay safe


	6. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While driving alone Casey recalls the last time he and Sonny were in Chicago together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the story so far, please enjoy.

Despite the happiness and relief surging through Matt as he drove towards the city he used to call home, he couldn’t stop his mind from drifting to the last time he and Sonny had been in Chicago together.

Matt had just picked Sonny up from spending the night with the Herrmann clan while he was on shift. He didn’t have any construction jobs and neither did Kelly, it was beautiful warm day and Sonny was full of beans so they decided to take the boy on an “adventure” . The two firefighters took the hyper little boy to a nearby park before stopping for ice cream on the way home. Over the last ten years Matt had replayed that day in his head a million times. He remembered Sonny beaming at him as he slid down the large slide, the sound of the little boy happily yelling “higher, higher” as Matt pushed him on the swings, the blonde little boy laughing in glee as Kelly pretended to steal Matt’s ice cream and how Sonny’s golden hair flopped in his eyes as they chased him around the park. That was the last happy memory Matt had of his boy and he had clung onto it ever since. 

A few hours after they returned from their adventure Matt was sat on the sofa reading to a worn out Sonny when he heard a knock at the door. Matt continued reading to Sonny as Kelly stopped preparing dinner and moved to answer the door, a few seconds later a distraught Hallie rushed in and scooped Sonny up off the sofa and into a warm hug. Tears tracks were staining her face as she mumbled “I love you” to the young blonde over and over again. When she finally released Sonny the blonde tilted his head in confusion, it wasn’t often he saw his mother cry. The boys thumb made its way to his mouth as he looked nervously at Hallie, Kelly gently batted the boys hand away from his mouth before placing a hand on his back and guiding him out the room.  
“Come on Sonny why don’t you show me those new toy animals you got last week?” Suggested Kelly causing the boy to run towards his room excitedly rambling something about giraffes.  
Once the duo was out of sight Matt focused on the distraught woman in front of him.  
“T- their was a little boy, he was only a few years older than Sonny but we couldn’t save him, I’m sorry I just needed to see him” stammered Hallie as fresh tears streamed down her face.  
“Shh it’s ok, Sonny’s alright” soothed Casey as he wrapped his arms around the distressed doctor.  
“Why don’t you take him a night early?” Suggested Matt once Hallie’s cries died down.  
“Are you sure?” Asked Hallie inbetween shaky breaths.  
“Yes, you need him tonight and I know you’d do the same for me” admitted Matt, he understood the urge to be around Sonny after loosing a child at work, the last few times they’d lost children while on shift he had let Sonny sleep in his bed for the night or he spent the day hugging the little boy and telling him how much he loved him.  
“Thank you Matt” mumbled Hallie. 

It didn’t take long to get Sonny ready to leave as moving from house to house was a regular occurrence for the young boy, the only item that traveled with him was a plush toy rabbit named Robbie, the beloved bedtime companion had been with Sonny since the day he was born. Nearly everyone who visited Sonny in hospital brought him a soft toy of some sorts, but for unknown reasons Sonny had taken a shine to the toy rabbit who was a gift from Andy and Heather. Darden had smiled fondly every time Sonny would bring Robbie with him to the firehouse or the park, the fluffy bunny rarely left Sonny’s sight. In fact after his disappearance Matt had also clung onto the beloved toy taking it every where he went, as drove back to Chicago Robbie’s ear stuck out of a cardboard box on the seat next to Matt.

When the time came to go home with Hallie the little boy gave Kelly a big hug before turning to Matt who lifted him in the air and squeezed him tightly to his chest. For years Matt had wished he’d never let go of his son, he was haunted by the belief that he could have prevented what happened after Sonny left their cozy apartment. He wished he had told Hallie to stay the night instead, he could have stayed on the sofa while she slept in his bedroom which was right next door to sonny’s. Then maybe Sonny would have grown up with the love of both of his parents and his uncle Kelly. But instead the joy of watching the blonde boy grow up was stolen from them by a cruel man.

Later that night Matt had been peacefully sleeping when the sound of his phone ringing shook him out of his slumber. He immediately reached for the device resting on his bedside table, he glanced sleepily at the name displayed on the screen, it was Rachel one of Hallie’s neighbours. Instantly a panic spread through the firefighter. He’d become friendly with Rachel over the years as she had a little girl the same age as Sonny but they definitely weren’t close enough for her to be casually ringing him at midnight. He swallowed passed the lump forming in his throat and answered the woman’s call.  
“Matt speaking” he answered in a tense voice.  
“M-Matt you need to get here now” the woman announced in a voice full of panic.  
“What?why?” Asked Matt as he jumped out of bed.  
“We heard gunshots coming from the house, police are arriving now”she replied sounding hysterical.  
“I’m on my way” answered Matt his voice shaking, he banged on Kelly’s bedroom door on his way to the living room.  
“Kelly we’ve got to go” yelled Matt slipping on his shoes.  
“Case what’s wrong?” Questioned Kelly as he pulled on his own boots and followed Matt out of the door. The fear in Matt’s voice had urged Kelly to follow his instructions with pout arguing.  
“Sonny” was the only word Matt could utter. All the colour drained out of Kelly’s face, Sonny was his world, he loved him like a son. The two firefighters took off out of the apartment without even sparing a second to lock the door.  
They climbed into Matt’s truck and sped off towards Hallie’s house not caring about the speed limits. Matt’s heart felt like it was going to explode, he couldn’t loose his little boy.

As they approached Hallie’s house they could see an ambulance and a police cars surrounding the humble home, Matt messily parked his truck on a curb and jumped out, he took off towards the house at a sprint with Kelly hot on his heels. He didn’t notice Rachel and her husband talking to one of the many officers or the dozens of people gawping at the house from their windows despite the late hour. As Matt reached the steps he collided with a police officer,  
“You can’t go in their sir” the man stated in a firm voice.  
“But my son’s in there, I need to see my son” shouted Matt attempting to push past the man. The officers eyes immediately filled with panic.  
“You’re Sonny’s father?” Asked a smartly dressed man appearing from behind the officer, he’d overheard Matt’s statement but before jumping to any conclusions he needed to establish the facts.  
“Yes, now what’s going on where’s Hallie and Sonny?” Cried Matt feeling Kelly’s hand on his shoulder urging to calm down.  
“We believed the boy was with you sir” revealed the detective in a morose tone.  
“No Hallie took him for the night, are you telling me you don’t know where my son is?” Yelled Matt feeling as if someone had wrenched out his heart. The man didn’t respond instead he mumbled something to the officer next to him who began hurriedly talking into a radio.  
“Someone told us there were gunshots” stated Kelly fearfully, speaking for the first time since they had arrived. After that night Kelly had become Matt’s voice of reason, he was the one who always acted logically and asked sensible questions while Matt’s judgement was clouded and he let himself be consumed with anger and despair.  
“Yes, earlier this night we received reports of gunfire and-“ Matt stopped listening to the man as he barged past catching him off-guard. He headed inside the house before any one could stop him, Officers were pacing around the living and taking photos, and various items had been destroyed but what caught Matt’s attention was the white sheet draped over something in the middle of the room. He rushed towards it and wasted no time in lifting the stark sheet, chills racked his body and his heart exploded as he stared down the pale face of the first woman he had ever loved.  
“Hallie” gasped Matt, he tore his gaze away from her lifeless body and turned towards the detective behind him.  
“Where’s Sonny?” Roared Matt pushing past his shock, there would be plenty of time to grieve for Hallie but first he desperately needed to find his boy.  
“We don’t know, we think his mother’s killer’s took him”.

Sonny’s case had deceived them many times over the years, before Matt arrived the detectives believed it was a burglary gone wrong, the days following the incident they had believed it was a planned kidnapping, it wasn’t until a few weeks later they learned it was actually a hit and Hallie was the one who had been targeted.The news that Sonny wasn’t supposed to be taken had hit Matt like a truck, he’d found himself overwhelmed by guilt because if it hadn’t been for his decision to allow Hallie to take Sonny a day earlier he would have never been taken. That belief had tortured Matt for over a decade.

Casey shook himself to the present, the last ten years would forever haunt him. But no matter how much he blamed himself he couldn’t change what had happened, but that didn’t make continuing on with life any easier. Until a few days ago Matt didn’t have a reason to live, he struggled by simply because Severide would blame himself if he died, he couldn’t do that to his friend. But now he had a reason to live, a reason to heal but Matt didn’t know if he could recover after everything. He’d headed so far down a path of self destruction he wasn’t sure if he could ever return to normal, there were things, complications left by his brain injury that he hadn’t shared with anyone, not even Kelly. It hadn’t mattered when he was alone, when he occasionally spaced out while working at the inn no one commented ,when he forgot where his tool box was his boss would laugh before pointing him in the right direction. Even on the days he was forced to skip work because of the blinding pain in his head no one asked questions, he was the mysterious man from out of town who rarely spoke to anyone, most people kept out of his way. He’d heard the rumours that he was a disgraced soldier or that he was an ex-convict but they never bother him, after all they just gave him another reason to hide away.  
However now Matt wasn’t responsible for the upkeep of a humble inn, he was responsible for a fourteen year old boy, his confused vulnerable son. Matt didn’t think he was ready, he didn’t want to mess up his beautiful boy, he didn’t want to be a monster like his father was.

He was ashamed to admit it but he had even briefly considered leaving Sonny with Kelly but quickly shook that notion away, he’d seen how badly Benny’s absence had affected Kelly and he couldn’t do that to his boy. Instead Matt vowed to himself to be the best he could. He’d never be father of the year but he would spend everyday of the rest of his life trying to show Sonny how much he loved him. He would try to the father Sonny deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed this chapter.  
> I have the next chapter planned but there’s one thing I can’t decide on. I’ve been trying to decide for awhile but I can’t reach a decision, maybe you can help.  
> Who would you want to see Sonny and Matt first, Boden, Herrmann or Kidd?  
> Boden is like a father figure to Matt.  
> Herrman and cindy were a big part of Matt’s support network when he was raising Sonny.  
> Kidd never met sonny or Matt, but heard a lot about them from Kelly, I thought it would be interesting to see her reaction.  
> Sadly I can’t fit all three in one it would get too messy.
> 
> Thank you for reading : )


	7. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny settles into his new home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this was a part of another chapter but I spotted the opportunity to add a nice dose of Matt and Sonny whump. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

It was almost three pm when they arrived in Chicago. After travelling together for over three hours Kelly had learnt quite a bit about the boy beside him, he was fascinated by the fact that Sonny appeared to be a wonderful mix of both Matt and Hallie. He was Caring like Casey but unlike his father Sonny didn’t try to hide it and he was good listener like his mother, sometimes Kelly found himself forgetting the boy was only fourteen. As they chatted to each other Kelly forgot about the ten years they’d spent apart, he felt like the he’d always been a part of the teens life. Their conversation flowed easily and the boy wasn’t afraid to say exactly what he was feeling. But when Kelly asked him about school the smile slipped from Sonny’s face and his expression became unreadable. The blonde chewed his bottom lip as he stared out of the window causing Kelly to frown in concern.  
“I’ve never been” explained Sonny after awhile, he plastered a smile on his face as he attempted to appear nonchalant. Of course he’d never been to school thought Kelly as he mentally kicked himself, between travelling and hiding from the police attending school obviously wouldn't have been an option.  
“Well don’t worry we’ll figure something out” Kelly comforted,  
“Ok” replied Sonny in a tone that made Kelly wonder if the boy was still listening, it was as if he was miles away. As Kelly spared a few glances at Sonny he couldn’t tell whether the boy was happy or annoyed by the prospect of going to school, his face had remained completely passive. Kelly found himself groaning internally as he realised they were going to face a lot more obstacles that he initially expected , Regardless of whether the boy wanted to attend school or not sending him into high school would be a challenging experience. Sending someone who until recently only ever spoke to one person, into a building full of people who abided by social norms they wouldn’t understand sounded like a cruel thing to do, it was like feeding a sheep to the wolves. Kelly had no idea how they would even begin to tackle that problem, therefore he decided to push all thoughts of Sonny’s education into the back of his mind until he could discuss it properly with Matt. 

-

“Here we are Sonny home sweet home” announced Severide as he parked his car in the spacious drive way. The house was actually quite nice, Matt had a good eye for real estate and as it had been run down when he brought it he had gotten it for a rather decent price. Matt had almost finished fixing up the house when his brain injury had stunted his progress, luckily after moving in Kelly was able to finish up the small details like painting the walls and adding carpet. But even after he finished decorating it had never felt very warm or cozy, Kelly had always felt odd living a big family sized house while he was all alone; he was afraid that if he moved out Matt would sell it, thus destroying any chance of him ever returning to Chicago. Severide had even made sure the two spare rooms in the house had been fully furnished just in case Matt ever returned, at the time Kelly didn’t know which room the blonde would prefer so he had decided on decorating both just in case, which turned out to be a really good thing now they had Sonny. Renovating the house had kept Kelly occupied over the years, whenever they had a tough call the house would end up with something new whether it was a nicer bathroom or fancier kitchen cabinets. The humble house had been redecorated more times than Kelly could count but no matter what he did to the building it never felt like home, until now.  
“Wow” gasped Sonny as he gaped at the building standing in front of him, the last time he’d lived in a house was nearly eight years ago. Living in one place would be a nice change from endless travelling. A warm glow filled Kelly as he watched Sonny quirk a small smile as he studied the house .  
“I thought you lived alone?” Asked Sonny tilting his head in a way that reminded Kelly of Matt.  
“I do”,  
“But it’s huge” remarked the young blonde, the big house in front of him was definitely not what he expected.  
“Come on Sonny lets go inside ” suggested Kelly chuckling at the boys astonishment. As they jumped out of Kelly’s car Matt’s truck pulled up beside them.  
“Good journey?Did Kelly deafen you with his singing?” Asked Casey joining them on the pavement.  
“My singing is not that bad” mumbled Kelly causing Sonny to laugh.  
“If I was you I wouldn’t go entering any singing competitions any time soon” responded Casey with a smirk, watching Sonny laugh and smile made Matt feel like he’d won the lottery; part of Matt kept waiting for something to go wrong. After years of being tortured by the loss of Sonny watching the teen be so lively and cheerful felt like a dream. As they stepped inside the house Matt’s eyes immediately widened, it was nothing like the house he had left behind. But Matt wasn’t sure whether that was because Kelly had decorated or because the last time he’d been there was when he hit rock bottom , back then everything appeared gloomy and cold. Now Matt’s head was almost clear and a dark cloud no longer followed him everywhere he went.

The tour around the house only brightened Sonny’s smile, the inviting house was a stark contrast to the dingy motel rooms he was accustomed to. When they reached the room which was now his the young boy beamed at them, the walls were painted a dark blue and a large window allowed light to cascade inside, he immediately shrugged off Kelly’s apologies about the lack of character in the room, to him it was perfect. Once they were all settled in Kelly suggested they order pizza which Sonny greatly approved of. However as he began eating, the food tasted like cardboard and he found himself struggling to hold it down . A deep longing filled his heart as he remembered all the times Ryder had returned from work with pizza as an apology, they’d eat together as Sonny showed the older man everything he’d drawn during his absence.

As daylight began to disappear and Sonny began to feel exhausted Matt thankfully picked up on his tiredness and suggested they all go to bed, he was pretty sure the two men would stay up talking to each other but he didn’t care, he was struggling to keep his eyes open. Sonny attempted to stifle a yawn as stood in his room staring out of the window, his eyes were fixed on the view, most people wouldn’t think the view was very special, it was just your average street but to Sonny it was a welcome change from the gloomy car parks and rundown buildings he was so used to seeing. The image in front of him became blurry as his eyelids grew heavy ; he started to sway in an attempt to keep himself awake when he heard a soft voice.  
“Hey, you can wear these for tonight, tomorrow we’ll go shopping to get you some more clothes” explained Kelly passing Sonny an old t-shirt and pair of sweatpants. After finding out that Sonny didn’t own any pyjamas and planned on staying in his jeans and T-shirt Kelly insisted on finding him something else to wear.  
“You don’t have to do that” stuttered Sonny, over the past few days they had done a lot for him, but he was afraid of becoming a burden.  
“But we want too and we have to go shopping anyway, my fridge isn’t stocked for three people” chuckled Kelly trying to ease the tension.  
“Thank you” replied Sonny softly as he offered Kelly a grateful smile,  
“No problem have a good night kiddo” 

-  
Clumsily Sonny changed out of his dirty garments , the clothes Kelly had given him dwarfed his slender frame but he was grateful for the change. Growing up Sonny only ever had two sets of clothes, Ryder always told him that owning less stuff meant a smaller chance of leaving something behind, they had to be untraceable which meant all of Sonny’s belongings had to fit inside his backpack. The lack of clothing items never bothered him as they never stayed in one place long enough for someone to notice and after ten years Sonny had grown used fo sleeping in jeans, occasionally wearing only his boxers during hotter months. 

Despite feeling exhausted moments ago as he curled up in bed Sonny found himself wide awake. He pushed himself up into a sitting position and scanned the room until his eyes settled on his bag which was sitting in the corner of the room, he threw off the covers and retrieved his beloved notebook. He flopped back down on the bed and flicked through the pages until he finally found what he was looking for. Part of being untraceable meant no devices, not even a disposable camera, Ryder despised photos as they were a permanent record of where they had been. Instead Sonny drew everything he found interesting, his style was often abstract or even minimalistic, trying to identify a place from one of his drawings would be like trying to drive somewhere blindfolded. However there was one thing he was forbidden from drawing, Ryder. At first Sonny never understood why but in the past few months he’d finally begun to understand, Ryder was afraid. The surrogate father loved sonny’s drawings, he once said he loved being able to see the world through Sonny’s eyes, but now Sonny knew that was also what scared the man. Ryder was terrified of finding out how Sonny truly saw him, whether he drew him with anger or love. Unbeknownst to Sonny Ryder had always wondered if the younger boy secretly resented him for everything he had done. 

After years of begging Ryder had finally relented, once a year for his birthday Sonny was allowed to draw Ryder. It was the only opportunity he got to draw people that wasn’t rushed or from a blurry memory , due to the lack of time his drawings of the people they passed were incredibly messy and often left unfinished, he tried drawing himself once using the mirror but it hadn’t gone very well. Sonny rarely drew the pictures on his birthday preferring to save the golden opportunity for the perfect moment, he also took his time which was why this years portrait was incomplete, something he’d regret for the rest of his life. Sonny’s heart clenched as he realised he’d never finish it, suddenly the room felt awfully lonely and tears began sting his eyes. He was used to being alone while Ryder was off doing a job but he had always been comforted by the knowledge that Ryder would return eventually. As he clutched the drawing to his chest tears cascaded down his face, all he had left of the man who raised him was a few messy drawings. In that moment he would have done anything to be back in Ryder’s car driving to some grotty motel.  
“He’s not dead, he’s just hiding” whispered Sonny, he repeated the mantra over and over through shaky breaths until he eventually collapsed down onto the bed in exhaustion. 

Meanwhile Matt felt as if his heart had been ripped out, he was slumped down on the floor leaning heavily against the door to Sonny’s room, he’d been unable to fight the urge to stay away from his son. He’d listened to Sonny’s weeping through tears of his own, despite wanting to rush in and pull his son into a hug he remained outside, Sonny needed space to grieve and sadly Matt was virtually a stranger. As the sound of Sonny’s heartbroken sobs ceased panic washed over Matt, he found the silence unnerving , after five painful minutes Matt’s need to check on his boy won out. He pushed himself up off the floor and carefully opened the door. As he shuffled inside the room his eyes immediately locked on the small form huddle in the bed.The covers were falling to the floor and Sonny’s hand was hanging off the bed clutching onto a worn notebook. The teens soft snores were interrupted by frequent distraught whimpers and a pained expression was etched on his face. Gently Matt removed the notebook from Sonny’s grip and placed it on the bedside table to prevent it from getting damaged. As Matt got a better look at his son he frowned at the tear tracks marring the boys face. He felt completely useless, he wished he could take away all of Sonny’s pain and put it on himself. But right now thoughts like that wouldn’t help, He shook away his guilt and padded out of the room before promptly returning with a thick blue blanket, instead of attempting to untangle Sonny from the duvet which was barely covering him, Casey draped the fleecy blanket over the boy. As Matt reluctantly turned to leave the room Sonny let out a few more whimpers each one louder than the last, as the boys eyes flickered open Matt crouched down and tentatively reached out, he carefully stroked the boy’s hair as he mumbled soothing reassurances. Happiness mixed with relief fluttered inside of him as the boy leaned into the touch after a few moments.  
“Shhh sonny everything is going to be alright” promised Matt in a gentle tone, as Matt continued petting the boy’s hair, Sonny’s distressed whimpers began to ebb and the pain on his face eased. After a long debate with himself Matt leant down and planted a kiss on Sonny’s forehead, a peaceful expression graced the teens face. Matt lingered by Sonny’s bedside for a few moments, he knew once the boy woke the tension between them would return. But now Matt had a glimmer of hope that he would be able to help his boy, maybe he could be the father he wanted to be. Maybe one day Sonny would love Matt half as much as Matt loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is going a lot slower than I originally intended , I feel like it helps set the tone and it’s slightly more realistic, but feel free to tell me if it’s dragging on.
> 
> Don’t worry they’ll probably be more whump and angst next chapter, and we’ll see fifty one soon.
> 
> Thank you for reading, stay safe : )


	8. Cartoons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny asks some questions that have been torturing him for years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry proofreading was a bit rushed, I wanted to finish this chapter before I went back to school.  
> I’m only going back for a week so the next update shouldn’t be too far away.
> 
> Thanks for reading the story so far.
> 
> TW: child death, descriptions of death

“I’m sorry buddy”, the words vibrated through Sonny’s skull as he watched the man who raised him drop to the floor, Suddenly Sonny’s eyes shot open and he found himself in the safety of his new room. After Matt left, Sonny’s sleep had been plagued with nightmares, he’d spent the entire night tossing and turning as he dreamt of the last time he saw Ryder. As he sat bolt upright in his bed he repeated his mantra in his head,  
“Ryders alive” he gasped over and over until his breathing began to settle. It was still dark outside but Sonny didn’t want to go back to sleep, he didn’t want another one of those stupid dreams, because that’s all they were just horrible nightmares, It wasn’t a memory insisted Sonny. As he moved to sit on the edge of the bed he noticed his notebook had been placed on the bedside table, he couldn’t remember putting it there, as he studied his surroundings he realised someone had also given him an extra blanket at some point during the night. Sonny sighed as he pushed the hair out of his eyes, Matt and Kelly seemed like really good people but he was petrified of disappointing them, or worse getting attached to them and them leaving him behind, just like Eve and Ryder did.

A quick glance at the clock hanging on the wall told him that it was four am. Despite the early hour Sonny didn’t think he could spend one more second staring at the same four walls. He grabbed his notebook and walked towards his bedroom door before pausing for a few seconds,Ryder always told him to stay inside the motel room, he wondered briefly if Matt or Kelly would be annoyed at him for wandering around the house. He shook away his worry and stepped into the hall, if he stayed in his room any longer his thoughts would suffocate him. He clutched his notebook to his chest and padded down the hallway studying the photos littering the walls. Most of them were of Kelly and Matt with other people Sonny didn’t recognise, there was one of Kelly and a blonde girl laughing and smiling, another of Matt and Kelly with a third firefighter who looked vaguely familiar, all of the photos radiated happiness and joy. There was even more pictures downstairs but they looked more recent, except for one, it was in a small brown frame displayed on a shelf in the living room. The young boy hesitantly reached out and picked up the frame, it was heavier than he expected; his fingers fumbled causing it to slip out of his grasp. Fortunately he managed to catch it before it went hurdling towards the floor. Absent mindely sonny stumbled back and dropped down onto the nearby sofa, his focus still glued to the photo in his hands. It was a photo of a younger looking Matt, a woman and a small boy he guessed was himself. Sonny had never seen a photo of himself before, but the blonde teen paid little attention to his younger self, he found his eyes drawn to the woman hugging him tightly.

“I remember that day” announced a voice from behind Sonny causing the young boy to jump, he had been too focused on the photo to hear the sound of footsteps approaching.  
“Is that” tailed off Sonny not tearing his gaze away from the frame.  
“ Yeah, that’s Hallie” informed Matt in a warm voice before joining Sonny on the sofa. Matt had been lying wide awake in bed when he heard Sonny moving around the house. He had spent his fair share of nights wandering around fighting his own demons , he didn’t want his son to experience that same type of agonising loneliness. When he saw Sonny clutching the photo from his fourth birthday a sad smile had appeared on Matt’s face. It was the only photo of Sonny in the house, Matt had an incline that it it had been to painful for Kelly to display any more.  
“You insisted on going to fifty one for your birthday, you were obsessed with fire engines and that was all you cared about, Hallie used to joke that I’d bribed you somehow” Chuckled Matt as he fondly remembered their discussions, Hallie had tried for days to convince Sonny to go somewhere else for his birthday, somewhere that he didn’t go weekly.  
“We took you to fifty one even though you’d already been there a million times before, but when we got there the chief had put up banners and balloons. Hallie said that for your next birthday we should take you to the hospital she worked at” recounted matt, his voice shaking slightly at the last part. Hallie never got to celebrate another one of her sons birthdays.  
“We look happy” stated Sonny his voice weighed down with a heavy thoughtfulness.  
“We were”,  
“Did she-“ Sonny stopped feeling his heart thumping in his chest, he took in a few deep breaths. There was something he needed to know, something he’d always been afraid to ask Ryder.  
“Did she suffer?” Asked Sonny in a choked voice, he tore his eyes away from the photo and looked up at Casey with eyes brimming with tears. He took a few shuddery breaths as he prepared himself to share something he had never told Ryder.  
“I remember bits and pieces of that night, I remember seeing her on the floor but they saw me before I got too close, I don’t know if she was dead yet” revealed Sonny in a voice barely above a whisper.  
“Did she feel anything, was she afraid?” Sonny’s tone was devastating and his eyes were haunted. Those horrible questions had been on his mind since Eve’s death, he remembered her desperate whimpers as she began to seize, the terrified expression cemented on her face, she looked anything but peaceful. It was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life and he was terrified that his mother had endured the same fate.  
Matt looked at his son feeling bile rising in his throat, Sonny was in a pain no one should ever have to experience. Matt tentatively reached out and squeezed Sonny’s hand, the boy didn’t return the gesture, he remained as still as a statue as tears began streaming down his face. But at least Sonny didn’t pull away, Matt felt a bittersweet relief as Sonny allowed him to hold his hand while he cried.  
Matt took a few moments to steady himself, he never expected to be asked such agonising questions, especially not by his young innocent son.  
“No I don’t think she suffered, they believed she died suddenly” explained Casey weakly, he decided to spare Sonny all the horrible details. Hallie was shot three times in the back, the detectives assumed she’d been walking into the kitchen when the assailants broke in and fired. Sonny nodded before looking intently at Hallie. Casey also stared at the photo struggling to keep in his own tears. It was the last photo of the three of them together, the last time they were all happy.

-

Kelly clumsily rubbed the sleep out of his eyes before heading towards the bathroom, it was around about six am therefore he was pretty confident he’d be the only one awake.  
A few moments later when he entered the living room his eyes widened in surprise, Sonny and Matt were sat on the opposite ends of the sofa blissfully watching cartoons.  
“Aren’t you both a little old for SpongeBob?” Inquired Kelly in amusement.  
“It’s better than the news” Matt reasoned flashing Kelly a grim, the oldest blonde had switched on the tv in hopes of calming down Sonny, so far it appeared to be working. The boy was wearing a peaceful expression and he seemed less like a grieving teen and more like an excitable eight year old, Sonny was sat cross legged on the sofa with his elbows resting on his knees as he leaned in towards the television. Little did Matt know that television had been Sonny’s source of comfort for years, whenever Ryder was away he switched on the tv for the illusion of company. Just hearing people’s voices made Sonny feel less isolated from the rest of the world, the last few years Sonny had even begun to feel disconnected from Ryder. Sonny once switched on the news in the hopes of being able to practice drawing people but Ryder caught him and flipped out. It was the angriest Sonny had ever seen the other man, after that Sonny stuck to cartoons. But he didn’t mind the bright colours and childish humour often helped brighten up his mood, however there were day’s nothing could stop Sonny’s despair; he preferred not to think about those days. 

Sonny’s eyes brightened as Kelly accompanied them on the sofa. Despite the familiarity and solace the tv offered the young boy found himself focusing on the two men beside him. He didn’t need cartoons anymore; he wasn’t alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed,  
> Stay safe: )


	9. loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny’s first experience with the busy outside world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> TW - mentions of eating disorders (just the first chapter)
> 
> TW- panic attacks

Kelly watched Sonny with concern etched across his face. The teen was quickly shovelling heaped spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth, his appetite had returned in full force since the night before. Sonny found himself cramming as much into his mouth as possible; it was a habit he’d developed over the years to help him survive Ryder’s long weeks away. Ryder tried his best but often the food supplies he left behind for Sonny were never enough, the young blonde had learnt to make the rations last as long as possible but not knowing when Ryder would return didn’t help. Therefore before Ryder left for his trips Sonny would eat as much as could, as he didn’t know how long it would be until he would have a full stomach again. Even though Sonny knew Kelly and Matt weren’t leaving anytime soon he couldn’t stop the doubt creeping into his mind, so he continued stuffing as much cereal as he could manage, after all its better to be safe than sorry. Suddenly Sonny’s thoughts were interrupted by a concerned voice.  
“Woah Sonny slow down” warned Kelly gently as the boy showed no sign of stopping, he was afraid the teen was going to make himself sick.  
“Sorry” mumbled the blonde sheepishly as his hand paused mid air, Sonny stared at the spoon piled with cereal for a few moments before slowly moving it towards his mouth again. It wasn’t long before he had resumed his rapid pace, every time he attempted to slow down he felt his stomach gurgle painfully, he had to keep eating.  
-

Meanwhile Matt was upstairs in the bathroom showering as fast as he could, every second away from Sonny felt like an hour. “He’s fine, he’s with Kelly” Matt assured himself as he hopped out of the shower almost slipping in his rush. He sloppily tied a towel around his waist and headed for the door when he abruptly froze in his tracks. Matt’s heart sunk as he studied his haunted reflection, their were dark bags underneath his eyes and his cheeks were sunken.  
“You’re not good enough for Sonny” yelled a voice in Matt’s head.  
“You couldn’t protect him last time, how do you expect to help him now?” Snapped the voice,  
“I don’t know” whispered Matt as he stared at the broken man looking back at him. Matt didn’t know how long he stood their staring in the mirror wondering what Sonny did to do deserve a father like him. Finally he shook himself out of his thoughts and hurriedly got dressed.

As Matt walked down the stairs his body felt heavy and a dull ache was spreading through his head. He felt a spike of pain as he heard a voice coming from outside followed by a knock at the door. As Matt approached the door he was able to decipher what the person was yelling.  
“Kelly I’m worried about you, let me in” called the unfamiliar voice. Hesitantly Matt reached out and opened the door before the person could knock again.  
“Kelly” began a dark haired woman but she froze instantly as her eyes landed on Casey.  
“Y-you’re not Kelly ” stated the woman studying Casey with her brows furrowed in confusion.  
“No I’m -“ began the blonde when he was suddenly cut off by a gasp.  
“Matt Casey” interrupted the woman staring at him in disbelief, even though this was their first encounter she felt like she’d known him years, she had heard hundreds of stories about the man after joining fifty one. There were photos of him dotted all over Kelly’s house and even around the station, she knew how much Matt meant to Kelly but she didn’t think she would ever get the chance to meet him; Kelly had once admitted to her that he believed the next time Matt would return to Chicago world be to be laid to rest.  
“Sorry, I’m Stella Kelly’s told me lots about you” explained Kidd as she noticed Matt’s bewildered expression.  
“All good I hope” joked Matt with a small nervous smile on his face, in the past when Kelly came to stay with him Kidd’s name had popped up frequently. Matt owed a lot to the woman in front of him, she’d looked after Kelly over the last few years, she’d been Kelly’s shoulder to cry on when Matt had become incapable of offering even the tiniest bit of comfort and for that Matt would forever be grateful.  
“Come in, Kelly’s cooking breakfast” informed Matt stepping aside to allow Stella inside . He watched as the corners of her mouth twitched, he could practically hear the question dancing on the tip of her tongue, why was he in Chicago? 

As Stella reached the kitchen all of her questions vanished and her mind went blank, she stared in shock at the blonde teen sat at the counter. It didn’t take a genius to work out who the boy was, she’d heard the stories of the firefighters missing son and the boy was practically a miniature of version of him. She’d also seen his photo, it was hanging in the common room and at Molly’s , it was an unusual photo as with the help of Antonio Dawson Kelly had gotten it edited with special software to show what the boy would look like now, personally she had never trusted the software but now as she studied the blonde she had to admit it was pretty close.  
“Sonny” breathed Stella looking towards Kelly who was beaming madly, meanwhile Sonny was watching with a mix of embarrassment and curiosity. He had no clue who the woman was and it felt extremely weird having a stranger know exactly who you were, he wondered if this was how celebrities felt when they were recognised in the streets.

-

After the awkward introductions Sonny ran off upstairs to get ready giving Kelly the perfect opportunity to explain the situation to Stella. The fellow firefighter had listened intently, a sad smile had graced her lips and she offered Kelly a warm hug, she couldn’t even begin to fathom how difficult this situation would be for the two men and Sonny. She couldn’t imagine how painful it would feel to have your son look at you like a stranger, or to only interact with two people for nearly a decade and then to be suddenly thrown into the chaotic world. But no matter their struggles she knew Kelly would stick by them and she vowed to do the same, they were Kelly’s family, the reason he was the wonderful caring man she loved so much.  
-

Not long after Sonny had returned Kidd left as she didn’t want to overwhelm the boy, before leaving she had promised not to tell anyone about Sonny as Kelly wanted to give the boy chance to settle in first. Once Kidd had left Kelly declared it was time to go shopping, the teen was in desperate need of more clothes, they’d quickly washed and dried Sonny’s clothes the night before but there was no way they could continue doing that forever.

As they parked outside a large store all of Sonny’s previous excitement melted away , he didn’t expect it be so hectic. As he observed the bustling carpark his stomach was doing somersaults and he could feel his heart thumping violently, the busiest place he’d ever been was the hospital a few days, however Sonny had been in too much shock to fully understand what was going on then, at the time he hadn’t been very aware of his surroundings as the only thing on his mind had been finding Ryder. Even the police station had been extremely peaceful as it had been late at night. As they climbed out of the car his legs felt like lead, anxiously he shuffled inside the large building subconsciously leaning as close to Kelly as he could without physically touching him. 

“Where should we go first ?” Questioned Kelly in a joyful tone as they stepped inside, Sonny remained silent as his eyes frantically scanned the entrance, the sound of shopping carts clattering vibrated through his skull, and he was surrounded by deafening chatter; he was finding it increasingly difficult to focus. You’re fine he reminded himself, but as his palms became sweaty he started to become frustrated, it was just a noisy building , there was nothing to worry about, he needed to stop being so pathetic and act like a man. Sonny allowed himself to be lead towards one of the quieter aisles and released a sigh of relief as he realised no one else was occupying it.

Matt watched his son carefully, they only had a few items in the trolley but the boy already seemed tired and overwhelmed. He flashed him a warm smile which Sonny shakily returned.  
“Are you alright Sonny?we can do this another time if you prefer” Offered Matt gently but the boy instantly shook his head in dismissal.  
“Huh, no it’s fine, I’m good” responded Sonny in a tense tone which did nothing to ease Matt’s worry.  
“Ok then, but tell us if you need to leave” advised Kelly exchanging a concerned glance with Casey. They both knew not to push the boy but they were far from convinced that he was ok.

As they traded the safety of the empty aisle for a crowded one Sonny could feel his heart in his throat. He spared a few fearful looks at the people walking around, they kept getting too close to him, he could hear every breath they took, also they kept shooting him funny looks, he felt like he was being watched, maybe they were mad at him, was he supposed to smile or wave?they all seemed so unhappy, had he done something wrong? His thoughts spun around his head and his breathing sped up rapidly, he didn’t like it here very much, he wanted to go home. He wanted out.  
“Sonny is everything alright?” Inquired Kelly as he picked up on the boys distress, when Sonny remained unresponsive Kelly switched into work mode, he had helped a few victims in similar states before.  
“Hey buddy you’ve got to slow down your breathing for me”, instantly Sonny’s body stilled and his eyes flooded with sorrow.  
Buddy,  
“I’m sorry buddy”  
The words stabbed Sonny in the chest and his breathing only worsened, he felt like he was drowning, he needed Ryder, he would know what to do . He wanted desperately to be back in their cozy car listening to the sound of the radio, or to be sat on one of the lumpy motel beds watching cartoons. In fact he didn’t care where he was he he just needed Ryder, he wanted the other man to pull him into a warm hug like he did after he had horrible nightmares. He wanted to feel safe again in Ryders arms one last time. Ryder had been right Sonny wasn’t made to be apart of the real world, he was better off locked away.

Sonny could feel eyes boring into him and he could hear whispers swirling through the air, he searched frantically for a away out , Sonny began shaking his head from side to side in despair , he was trapped. With no other option he pressed his hands tightly over his ears, he dropped to the floor and shuffled backwards until his back collided with one of the metals shelves, a jolt of fear went through him at the pain and the loud clatter the shelf made, he hugged his knees tightly to his chest and kept his head down, he wanted to forget the rest of the world existed, he just wanted Ryder.

Fear had spread through Matt like wildfire when Sonny had started shaking his head violently as he let out devastating whimpers, when the boy dropped to floor Matt had felt completely helpless, he immediately crouched down with the boy and attempted to get his attention but it was no use, Sonny’s panic had taken control. When all of his attempts to speak to Sonny fell on deaf ears and the boy was still breathing dangerously fast Matt realised he had no choice but to reach out and initiate contact, he was terrified that the slightest touch would only upset the boy more. Matt reached out and tentatively grasped the boy’s wrist, he felt sonny’s arm tense but thankfully he didn’t pull away, he could feel the teen shaking as Matt placed Sonny’s hand on his heart, he hoped the feeling of his steady heartbeat would help ground the frighted boy, after what felt like years Sonny’s whimpers began to ebb and his breathing slowly returned to normal. Suddenly Matt felt Sonny lunge towards him and press his head into his chest, Matt instantly understood, Sonny needed to be hidden from everyone else around them. Matt wrapped his arms around the boy and rubbed soothing circles on his back.  
“Shh Sonny it’s ok, I’ve got you, it’s ok” soothed Kelly holding the boy tightly to his chest.  
“I want to go home” stuttered the teen keeping his head nestled against Matt.  
“Ok Sonny, we’ll get you home safe and sound”.

Kelly had been watching anxiously from the sidelines, he’d shooed away most of the most nosy onlookers but a few were still lingering around , he abandoned the shopping cart and offered his hand to Sonny to help the distraught boy up, Sonny wordlessly accepted it but his eyes were glued sombrely to the floor. Matt kept an arm around Sonny’s shoulders as he whispered soft reassurances in the boys ear. 

-

As Sonny pressed his head against the cool glass window a deep crimson blush was staining his cheeks, he was a failure, he was fourteen years old and he couldn’t survive a simple shopping trip. What if Kelly and Matt didn’t want him anymore now they knew how broken he was? Sonny had always felt slightly annoyed that Ryder had kept him isolated from the rest of the world and he’d always longed to have a normal life, but now he understood. Ryder had been protecting him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry a sad chapter but the next two will be happy I promise.
> 
> I just wanted to show how even though Ryder never physically hurt Sonny he hurt the young boy in many ways. Despite what Sonny believes Ryder was not a good man. 
> 
> Promise more of Kidd next chapter (it’s important for Sonny to have a motherly figure in his life) 
> 
> Thank you for reading, stay safe : )


	10. Video games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone’s in a lot of pain but at least they have each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thank you for reading. :)  
> Hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Brief mentions of panic attacks and eating issues.

As soon as they reached home Sonny darted up the stairs as fast as his feet would allow him, he felt exposed and all he wanted to do was hide away from the rest of the world. Worry washed over Matt as he watched the young teen disappear, he moved towards the staircase but stopped when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder,  
“Come on Casey, Let’s give him a few minutes alone” suggested Kelly as he steered him towards the kitchen . The blonde collapsed into one of the dining chairs as Kelly swiftly sent Kidd a text briefly explaining what had happened and asking her kindly to bring over some groceries, as their shopping trip had been cut short they still didn’t have any food in the house and as much as Kelly enjoyed take out, he knew Sonny would benefit from a decent home cooked meal. Kelly sighed as he ran a hand through his hair, he still hadn’t told Casey about Sonny’s concerning eating habits; he hoped what he witnessed at breakfast would be a one off. It seemed like they kept running into problem after problem, neither men knew how to help the poor boy and they felt like they were failing him. 

A strangled sob yanked Kelly out of his musings, he turned around to see Matt with his head in hands, Kelly had no doubt in his mind that the other man was crying. Kelly was barely containing his own emotions but unlike Casey he was furious, he could feel his hand shaking and it took all of his strength to refrain from sending his fist flying into the wall. He wished Ryder was alive, the man deserved to pay for what he did, he wanted to make the man feel as terrified as Sonny did in the store.  
“I don’t know what to do Kelly” admitted Casey in a broken voice which made Kelly’s heart ache.   
“He was so afraid, he’s in so much pain and I don’t know how to make everything right, he’s just a kid he shouldn’t know agony and fear like that” Matt choked out.  
“Shhh, I know Matt” comforted Kelly placing a hand supportively on Casey’s back, watching Sonny’s panic attack had felt like being stabbed in the heart a million times, he knew exactly how distraught the other man was feeling.   
“But Matt look at me” instructed Kelly in the firm voice he normally reserved for when he was giving orders to his crew, hesitantly Matt looked up at him with red puffy eyes.  
“You got Sonny out of there unharmed, you calmed him down Matt” reminded Kelly in a tone laced with pride.  
“you offered him comfort and he accepted, he reached out to you when he was terrified of the rest of the world,” reminded Kelly staring into Matt’s sorrowful blue eyes, Kelly had been both shocked and immensely relieved when Sonny hugged Matt, it proved that he was starting to trust Matt. When a few more tears streamed down the blonde’s face Kelly wrapped his arms around the other man.  
“It’s going to be ok, he’s a strong kid, it’s going to be ok” mumbled Kelly more to himself than Matt. He loved Sonny and Matt with all his heart and the thought of letting them down filled him with sorrow.  
“I don’t want to end up hurting him even more”huffed Casey , Kelly said nothing he only tightened his grip on the blonde and finally allowed his own tears to fall. As the two men weeped they were comforted by the knowledge that they weren’t alone, they were in this together.

-

Eventually Matt calmed down and slowly separated himself from Kelly, he scrubbed at his face wiping away the few remaining tears, once he deemed himself presentable Matt headed up the stairs, he needed to see his boy. He hovered by the bedroom door and pressed his ear up against it, he listened carefully for any noise but the room was silent. Gently he knocked the door and was unsurprised when there was no response; Sonny was trying to close himself off from the rest of the world.  
“I’m coming in Sonny” warned Matt as he tentatively pushed open the door, his eyes immediately landed on a lump in the bed, Sonny had cocooned himself in the thick duvet. Slowly Matt moved to perch on the edge of Sonny’s bed, he smiled softly to himself as he noticed a blonde tuft of hair poking out from underneath the blankets. He could tell from the boys unnaturally still frame and the lack of soft snores that Sonny was wide awake.  
“Hey kiddo don’t worry about what happened, it’s our fault we didn’t think it through. Anyone who hadn’t been in a public place in a decade would panic” began Matt, his heart was heavy with guilt.  
“But I messed up, I was supposed to be strong” came sonny’s reply as he clumsily shoved away the blanket and moved into a sitting position. His back was pressed firmly against the headboard of the bed and his crossed arms were perched on the tops of his knees, his blonde floppy hair was dangling over his forehead but Matt could still see the tortured look in his eyes.  
“Sonny you didn’t do anything wrong” assured Matt,  
“But Men aren’t supposed to cry” Sonny replied matter of factly, he knew Ryder would be disappointed with him and he was pretty sure Matt was ashamed how he acted, especially as he had broke down in front of all those people.   
Matt’s heart stopped at Sonny’s words. “Boys don’t cry” the same words his father had yelled at him over and over, the same words he had vowed never to use, he never wanted his son to feel the same way he had growing up.   
“We all have moments like that Sonny, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about” comforted Matt but he knew his words sounded hollow , he swallowed nervously as he prepared himself, one thing he had realised over the past few days was that if he ever wanted Sonny to trust him again he couldn’t hide behind a mask anymore.  
“After you disappeared there were days I couldn’t even get out of bed, everything hurt too much” admitted Matt, immediately Sonny looked at him in shock and tilted his head as he tried to process Matt’s admission.   
“If I didn’t have Kelly back then I don’t know what I would have done ” Matt continued sadness lingering in his tone, his second biggest regret after letting Sonny stay the night with Hallie was distancing himself from Kelly. Maybe if he’d kept the other firefighter closer he’d be a different man now, a better one. Matt wished he hadn’t let himself forget who he was. The man he was before Andy’s death would have known exactly how to help his son.  
“You have me and Kelly” announced Matt offering the boy a small smile. Despite Matt’s kind words a sullen expression appeared on Sonny’s face, he didn’t deserve the two men. Matt watched intently as the boy chewed nervously on his lip before locking eyes with Matt, the older man felt as if Sonny was looking into his soul.   
“I’m really sorry I’m not the same son you lost” apologised Sonny his voice raw with guilt and sadness.  
“Sonny-“ started Matt but he was cut off. Sonny’s voice was barely above a whisper but every word was full of pain.  
“I wish I was, I wished I remembered more of the time I spent with you and Kelly. I wish I could walk through a supermarket without panicking, I wish I could sleep without reliving the last time I saw Ryder”  
Sonny’s words trailed off miserably ; it was becoming increasingly difficult to speak, he felt like a gigantic elephant was sat on his chest making it impossible to breathe. He glued his eyes to the ceiling as he willed himself not to cry.  
“Everything would be so much easier if I was that same little boy who was obsessed with fire engines” stated Sonny. Matt shuffled closer towards Sonny and tentatively reached out and placed a hand on the boy’s shoulder, as Matt had hoped Sonny tore his eyes away from the ceiling and looked at Matt once again.  
“Oh sonny you’ll always by my sweet little boy no matter what, me and Kelly will always be here for you and we’ll always love you” promised Matt looking into Sonny’s big blue eyes, the teen blushed slightly and looked down at his lap before nodding gently. Despite Matt’s words he was still ashamed of his behaviour, he knew how mad Ryder would be. He wished he could be strong like Kelly or Matt.

-

Meanwhile Kelly rushed outside to help Stella who was busy unloading shopping bags from her car.   
“Woah, I didn’t expect you to bring that much stuff” gasped Kelly as she continued to pull out bag after bag.  
“Well you know what Cindy's like, I asked her is she had any of Lee Henry’s old clothes, I told her a friend of mine had suddenly gained custody of her teenage nephew and was in desperate need of supplies” informed Kidd feeling guilty; to ease her conscience she kept reminding herself that the truth wasn’t far off.  
“Thank you so much Stella you’re a life saver” declared Kelly as he took some of the bags from her.   
“How’s he doing?” Asked Stella softly, worry had spread through after hearing what had happened. Even though she’d only spent five minutes with the teen she already felt a need to protect and look after him.  
“Not so good” responded Kelly sullenly as they headed inside. 

Kelly peered into the last bag left on the table expecting more groceries to put away, a grin appeared on his face as he saw the contents of the bag.  
“Cindy thought maybe we could use it, the kids got a new one not so long ago so this one was just left gathering dust” explained Stella as she watched Kelly pull the old game console out of the bag. After seeing the teens fondness for cartoons Kelly was positive the console would be a big hit, it was exactly what they needed to help make the teen feel more at ease.  
-

Both Kelly and Stella smiled brightly when Sonny appeared in the kitchen with Matt close behind,  
“Hey kiddo” greeted Stella, Kelly had warned her not to use the word buddy after how badly the boy had reacted last time, the endearment was clearly a trigger word for the young boy but they had no idea why. The two Casey’s sat down at the table and the kitchen quickly filled with chatter. As time went by the tension that had been filling Sonny’s body eased and the blush in his cheeks had drained away. When Kelly showed Sonny the console the boy had stared at him in confusion but once Kelly explained the boys jaw had practically dropped onto the floor and his eyes lit up with excitement, straight away Casey and Severide started to set it up for the excited teen. Meanwhile Stella and Sonny took the bags of clothes upstairs.As he placed one of the bags down in the corner of his bedroom there was a soft thud as one of the items fell out. Sonny crouched down but he was instantly filled with dread as his eyes landed on the thick blue book that had fallen on the floor.  
“Everything ok Sonny” questioned Stella watching the colour drain out of Sonny’s face, the poor boy looked as white as a sheet.  
“Yeah, everything’s fine” stuttered Sonny as he grabbed the book off the floor.  
“I thought you could do with something to read, when I was your age reading used to help me sleep better” explained Stella as she noticed the book in Sonny’s hand.  
“Thank you” Sonny mumbled stuffing the item back in the bag. 

-  
The afternoon passed by quickly as they spent most of it sprawled out on the sofa focused on the video games Cindy gave them. No one mentioned the shopping trip again but it was far from forgotten, it weighed heavily on Matt’s and Kelly’s minds but they temporarily pushed their worry aside for Sonny’s sake. The two men had decided to discuss the matter further once Sonny was fast asleep in bed, for now they were focusing on trying to put the younger blonde at ease. He was significantly quieter than he had been the previous day but at least he wasn’t hiding away in his room.  
-

That night as Sonny sat on his bed he stared in dismay at the book Kidd had given him, worry gnawed at his stomach and he felt bile rising in his throat. What was he going to do? He couldn’t hide it forever, they would inevitably find out when he started school. He was terrified of how Matt and Kelly were going to react, would they yell at him or even worse would they burst into laughter? He never wanted to be such a disappointment, especially after all they had done for him. If they weren’t annoyed after what happened at the store, they would definitely be upset once they found out he couldn’t read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it’s not the happy chapter I had planned, I didn’t want to do too many heavy sad chapters in a row but skipping over the aftermath of the shopping trip wouldn’t have been right. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.  
> Have a good day, stay safe :)


	11. Drawing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sun will always rise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you’re enjoying this so far, hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Thank you for the comments, and thanks for reading.
> 
> This story is going at a slower pace than I originally intended I hope you don’t mind.

After a fitful sleep Kelly clambered out of bed and padded down the hallway, the events of the previous day were still torturing him. He and Matt talked for hours the previous night but hadn’t managed to reach a solution, after all this wasn’t something you could just stick a bandaid on , helping Sonny was going to be a long hard process but they would never give up on him.

As Kelly headed into the living room once again he was met with the sight of Matt and Sonny perched at opposite ends of the sofa watching cartoons, Kelly wondered if it was Matt who was keeping the distance, as much as it pained him to see Matt so unsure of himself he admired how the blonde always prioritised Sonny’s feelings and wellbeing over his own. Kelly wished Matt knew what a great father he was.   
“Good morning, watching sponge-bob without me again I see” chuckled Kelly as he placed two freshly brewed cups of coffee on the table.  
“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep in so late” Casey retorted causing Sonny to grin, the teen offered Kelly a small wave before turning his attention back towards the television.  
“It’s only six am” replied Kelly incredulously with a big goofy grin of his own. He was relieved to see both Matt and Sonny smiling but he could tell from their worn out appearances that they too were still struggling after their traumatic shopping trip. Unsurprisingly Sonny appeared to be the worst affected, he had dark bags underneath his eyes and he was hugging his knees tightly to his chest as his eyes followed the brightly coloured characters on the screen. While Matt only looked slightly better, his smile was tense and his eyes kept shifting towards Sonny to check the boy was still ok. They slipped into a comfortable silence as Kelly settled down in between them. 

“Is Stella coming over again?” Asked sonny when the cartoon was replaced by dull adverts.   
“Do you want her to?” Questioned Kelly, he had a feeling he already knew the answer but he wanted to make sure he hadn’t got the wrong end of the stick. The teen stared at the tv gnawing at his lip as he contemplated his response, he liked Stella there was something about her that made Sonny feel like he could trust her, he wondered if it was because she reminded him of an older version of Eve and the few memories he had left of his mother. However he wasn’t so sure how she felt about him, unlike Matt she had no obligation to stick around, she could leave anytime. At first Sonny hadn’t understood why Kelly had stuck around especially after all the trouble he had caused, but in the end he reached the conclusion that Kelly was sticking around for Matt. He hadn’t quite figured out the two men’s relationship yet but regardless of what they were, he knew they loved each other unconditionally , whether as friends or something more.   
“Sonny?” Prompted Kelly as the teen had remained quiet for a long time.  
“Does she like coming over?” Wondered Sonny as he looked towards Kelly ignoring the butterflies fluttering around in his stomach.  
“Yeah I think she does” Kelly replied honestly, Sonny seemed quite fond of Stella and he was pretty sure she felt the same way. Despite the importance of Sonny having a female presence around Kelly had been apprehensive about involving Stella, he hadn’t wanted Matt to think he was trying to replace Hallie. However Kelly’s worries were put to rest when Matt suddenly piped up, he’d been watching his son intently and he could see the longing in his eyes.  
“How about Kelly gives her a call later to see what she’s up to?” Suggested Matt, instantly sonny nodded his head enthusiastically. Kelly smiled and headed into the kitchen to call Stella.  
-  
“How long has been awake?” Inquired Kelly when Sonny disappeared off to the toilet, his question elicited a groan from the blonde who looked at him with a tired expression.  
“He headed downstairs at 3am, I’m not even convinced he went to sleep Kelly” sighed Matt, he hadn’t gotten any sleep either as he couldn’t stop thinking about how scared his son had looked. The thing that terrified Matt the most was that there was a high chance that they’d see Sonny like that again. He hated seeing his baby boy so distressed.   
“He doesn’t look like he’s doing so good, I don’t know what to do”continued Matt worry lacing his voice.  
“Matt I don’t think anyone would expect him to be doing great, he’s grieving” reminded Kelly, both men shared a deep hatred towards Ryder but they also understood that even though he was a monster he was the man who raised Sonny, naturally the young teen was going to struggle with his death. Kelly wondered if it would have been easier if Ryder was outwardly horrible instead of manipulative.   
“You’re right, I just hate seeing him so..... miserable”,  
“I know but things won’t be like this forever Matt, life’s going to get better” promised Kelly and he believed his words with his whole heart, he had to, that belief was the one thing keeping him going.

-

Stella arrived a couple of hours later carrying an Apple pie made by none other than Cindy Herrmann. Stella had been overjoyed when she’d received Kelly’s call even if it was incredibly early, she adored spending time with the little unconventional family, she already felt happier and more at home with them than she ever had with her parents. As soon as she stepped into the room not only did Sonny relax but Matt did too, having the woman around made their conversations feel more natural, unlike Kelly and Matt she didn’t have any memories of little four year old Sonny, she met him as a quirky fourteen year old, she never grieved his disappearance. 

As they sat at the kitchen table helping them selves to the delicious pie no one mentioned how Sonny practically inhaled his piece or how he stared at the food as if it would disappear, Matt and Kelly briefly shared a concerned look but silently agreed to discuss it later, they seemed to be having a lot of difficult late night conversations recently; Kelly had a horrible feeling that that wouldn’t change any time soon. 

Once They cleaned up their plates Sonny curled up on the sofa and began doodling contently in his note book, Kelly peered over the boys shoulder to look at the drawing of the fern that sat proudly in the corner of the room, it had been a gift from Stella, she claimed it helped brighten up the place.  
“Wow sonny that’s brilliant, you should draw me next I’m way more interesting than a plant” laughed Severide, instantly Sonny’s head jerked up and he stared at the man in disbelief .  
“Really?” he asked in a timid voice, Kelly felt a twinge in his heart as he saw hope lingering in the boys eyes.  
“Well yeah of course, if you wanted too” replied Kelly he’d been joking originally but if for some odd reason Sonny genuinely wanted to draw him, he wasn’t going to say no.  
“I don’t know why you’d want to draw him” laughed Stella earning a glare from Kelly, but Sonny didn’t notice he was elated by Kelly’s offer.  
“I haven’t been able to draw a lot of people up close before” admitted Sonny trying and failing to push away his excitement, he didn’t want to get his hopes because at any point Kelly could change his mind. But little did sonny know that Kelly would never go back on his word, the firefighter would move heaven and earth for the blonde teen.

-

“Stop moving” urged Sonny in a voice full of happiness as he beamed down at his notebook, he’d been sketching Kelly for the past ten minutes when the man had started laughing.  
“I’m sorry I was watching sponge-bob” admitted Kelly sheepishly as he gestured towards the tv, he’d always had a short attention span, staying as still as statue for more than five seconds felt impossible . But the way Sonny poked his tongue out to one side in concentration and the joy sparkling in his eyes made it worth while.  
“Don’t make me turn it off” joked Sonny feigning annoyance . Matt’s heart was bursting with relief and happiness as he watched Kelly goofing around and Sonny laughing. Kelly was right, they were going to be ok.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We’ll be seeing some more members of fifty one very soon.  
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter it wasn’t the one I had planned originally but I thought it was time for a happier chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading, Have a great day :)


	12. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There’s no such thing as a bad dog, only bad owners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter,   
> Thank you so much for reading and commenting.
> 
> TW- graphic description of dog attack (but #’s show where description starts and finishes if you would like to skip it)
> 
> Have a great day

“Thanks for coming over Stella” called Matt as Kelly walked with her to the front door.  
“It was no trouble I had a good time” she replied genuinely.  
“Bye Stella” called Sonny as he waved from his seat on the couch.  
“Good night Sonny, see you soon”   
-

“Thanks again Stella you’re really good for him” admitted Kelly once they reached the door, he wasn’t sure the day would have gone so smoothly without her there.  
“Really Kelly it’s no problem, it was nice to see him happy and smiling”Kidd responded in a soft voice, seeing the young blonde laughing after everything he’d been through was better than winning the lottery.  
“Yeah”sighed Kelly in a heavy voice, he was afraid that days like this would be a rare occurrence.   
“What’s bothering you Kelly?” Inquired Kidd as she picked up on the man’s dreary tone.  
“We can’t stay inside forever, what are we going to do?”Kelly sighed, he knew they would inevitably have to brave the outside world again but he was by no means ready. Chicago was a busy place no matter where they went they were going to run into people, which would likely lead to Sonny becoming distressed again. Kidd pursed her lips before placing a hand on Kelly’s shoulder.  
“You just need to start small” she advised, in all honesty she didn’t know what else to say. Kelly nodded before continuing in a somber tone,  
“I thought about taking him for a walk somewhere but if we wander too far from the house and he panics I’m not sure how we’ll get him home safely”, Kidd frowned at the dejected expression on Kelly’s face and began raking her mind for a solution.   
“Actually Kelly I think I might have an idea, I just need to make some calls but it means I have to tell someone about Sonny” stated Kidd, hope rising inside her, she was pretty sure her plan would work.  
“That’s ok, as long as it helps” Kelly answered as right now they were desperate.

-

The next day when Stella stopped by the house before her shift started, she was unsurprised to find Sonny doodling in his notebook as he watched sponge-bob again , she found it fascinating how much comfort the obnoxiously loud cartoon offered the teen.   
“Morning Sonny” greeted Stella.  
“Hi” he smiled finally looking up, Stella sighed internally he looked even worse than he had the day before, the lack of sleep was definitely getting to him.   
“Morning Stella have you got time for breakfast?” Asked Matt from his place in the kitchen breaking into her thoughts.  
“Nope sorry, I only popped by to say a quick hello to my favourite artist” smiled Kidd and instantly Sonny blushed as he looked back down at his notebook. Suddenly the silence was interrupted by a knock at the door and Stella immediately beamed as Kelly headed towards the sound.  
“I also thought I’d introduce you another one of my friends” stated Stella getting up and following Kelly leaving behind the two Casey’s who shared a confused look. Sonny was half way to the door when an excitable Dalmatian came bounding towards him. His heart started beating rapidly and his mid was screaming at him, telling him to run . He sprinted into the kitchen and jumped up onto the dining table. He started to pant as his eyes frantically searched the room for the Dalmatian, finally his eyes locked on the dog sat on the floor looking up at him with wide eyes.   
A few seconds later Matt came rushing in,  
“Sonny it’s ok” he assured as he saw Sonny’s frightened expression.  
“No it’s not, why aren’t you panicking? It’s dangerous” yelled sonny hysterically as he pointed at Tuesday, he didn’t want Matt to get hurt, he couldn’t understand how the man was standing so calmly. Sonny’s breathing began to slow down as Kelly, Kidd and a man Sonny had never met before appeared. As the man crouched down next to dog Sonny’s heart clenched,  
“Be careful” cried Sonny in a strangled voice.  
“Oh Tuesday won’t hurt anyone, she’s harmless” informed the man petting the Dalmatian affectionately. Even though he’d only been a firefighter at fifty one for a few months he’d already heard a lot about the boy. When Stella asked him for his help he had instantly agreed. He may have never met Sonny before but he knew how much he meant to the veterans of fifty one.   
“That’s what she wants you to think” shot back Sonny in a deadly serious tone.  
“I promise you she’s friendly” the man assured.   
“I’m not risking it again” Sonny roared, he could hear the thunderous sound of his own heart beating.  
“Again” asked Matt in a worried voice feeling himself fill with dread, Sonny offered a small nod in response and pulled up his right trouser leg. The three adults winced as they saw the large angry scar marring the teens leg.  
“Last time I didn’t even have a chance to judge if the dog was friendly or not” 

#(start of dog attack)

-

An eight year old Sonny bounced his leg up and down, Ryder had left him in the uncomfortably hot car while he discussed business with an old associate. They’d been travelling for four hours straight when Ryder had parked the car and warned Sonny to stay put. However after twenty torturous minutes Sonny reached his breaking point, he desperately needed the toilet and something to drink. As he Hesitantly hopped out of the car his legs were like jelly and he felt dizzy from the heat; he leant against the car waiting for the nausea to pass. Feeling more alert he pushed himself off the car and headed towards the house Ryder was in. All of the sudden he heard a loud growl and he found himself flying to the floor, a searing pain shot through his leg causing him to let out a heartbreaking scream, he didn’t hear the dogs owner attempting to pull the dog off or Ryder running towards him. He didn’t know how Ryder freed him from the dogs jaws but the next thing Sonny remembered was the feeling of being in the man’s strong arms.  
“Shhh buddy it’s going to be alright” repeated Ryder over and over as he carried him into the house, Ryder placed him down on the kitchen table to allow him to see the wound properly. What happened next would stay with Sonny forever. Ryder pulled away his shredded trousers and held Sonny down as his friend poured alcohol on the wound, Sonny had let out an agonising shriek as a burning sensation engulfed his leg. The rest of that night was a painful blur to Sonny. Despite Sonny’s urgent need for medical attention Ryder didn’t want to risk getting caught and going to prison. After Sonny had passed out from the pain Ryder’s associate contacted a friend who was a licensed doctor and willing to do anything for the right price, when he arrived the man didn’t ask any questions and he quickly got to work patching up Sonny. The man had stitched Sonny up best he could but he only had limited supplies which was why Sonny had been left with a pretty nasty scar.

Sonny’s first clear memory after the attack was waking up to find himself nestled in warm comfy blankets, as he began to whimper Ryder’s warm voice cut through the air,  
“Hey buddy it’s alright, go back to sleep you’re going to be alright” promised Ryder gently carding his fingers through Sonny’s hair until he fell back asleep. Over the next few days Sonny drifted in and out of consciousness, each time Ryder was by his side whispering soothing words in an attempt to calm the injured boy. When he finally became alert he found that his leg had been wrapped in a white bandage, the bite was still immensely painful but Sonny no longer felt like his leg was on fire. It took Sonny three months before he was able to walk properly on the limb again. But the teen hadn’t been up close to a dog since, Ryder had been extra careful to keep him away from them. 

#(end of dog attack)

“Sonny I promise you Tuesday is different” swore Ritter.   
“How do you know? Maybe no one has annoyed her yet?” Yelled back Sonny. The teen was working himself up more and more, something needed to be done soon.  
“Do you know why some dogs are vicious ?” Asked Casey gently, Sonny stood still a thoughtful expression on his face.  
“No” Sonny admitted honestly.   
“It’s because their owners didn’t look after them properly or give them the right training, there’s no such thing as a bad dog only bad owners” announced Matt leaning down to stroke the Dalmatian who had been watching Sonny the entire time .  
“Yeah and Tuesdays owner Ritter wouldn’t hurt a fly, ain’t that right Ritter?” stated Kelly gesturing towards the man who was still sat beside Tuesday.  
“Yep, I promise she’s safe” repeated Ritter offering Sonny a kind smile. Reluctantly Sonny climbed down from the table but then proceeded to stand as far away from Tuesday as possible without leaving the kitchen.   
“So much for Tuesday helping calm Sonny down” muttered Stella feeling guilt wash over her at the fear her idea had inflicted on the teen.  
“It’s not your fault, you couldn’t have known” comforted Kelly, one of the most difficult parts of helping Sonny was not knowing what would upset him. Before Stella had chance to reply she caught sight of the time displayed on her watch.  
“Damn it, we have to go or we’ll be late for shift” cursed Stella glancing towards Ritter who was already back on his feet.  
“Come on Tuesday” Ritter called as he ambled out of the kitchen, the pooch continued to look at Sonny with sad eyes as she refused to move, the dog could feel the fear radiating off the boy. Eventually the dog bowed its head and padded out of the room.  
“Wait!” Called sonny who felt his heartache when the dog had started to skulk away,  
“S-she deserves a chance, she can stay” stuttered Sonny fear still gnawing at his stomach.   
“Are you sure Sonny?” Kelly questioned cautiously.  
“Yeah, but please keep her on the other side of the room for now ” begged Sonny not quite feeling ready to approach the canine.  
“That’s ok Sonny” responded Matt, after seeing the boys scar he couldn’t blame him for being terrified, he wished he had been there to comfort the boy when it happened.  
-

Sonny was perched at the bottom of the stairs watching Kelly attach Tuesday’s lead, Stella and Ritter had left for work a while ago. The entire time Sonny had been keeping his distance and eyeing Tuesday apprehensively. After a tense morning Kelly thought now would be a good time to take Tuesday to the park.  
“As soon as you feel uncomfortable just tell us Sonny and we’ll come straight home, ok?” reminded Matt for the fifth time in the last ten minutes. Kelly wasn’t sure who was more anxious about going out Sonny or Matt. Sonny nodded minutely before shakily rising to his feet and together they left the house, as ready as they’d ever be to face their obstacle.

On the way to the park which was a few minutes away Sonny walked alongside Matt, while Kelly walked a few meters ahead with Tuesday. Thankfully there wasn’t many people around but that didn’t stop Sonny from frantically looking around as if he was expecting a swarm of people to suddenly appear. Once they reached the park Matt felt the teen stiffen beside him. The park wasn’t as busy as the supermarket but it was just as loud and people were a lot more lively. Some were running back and forth, others talked loudly as they walked in pairs and some were walking dogs of their own.  
“Sonny we can go home if you want?” Offered Matt sensing the boys discomfort.  
“N-no I need to do this” Sonny insisted, he didn’t want to be stuck inside for the rest of his life.  
“Are you sure sonny?” Asked Matt again anxiety spreading through him.  
“Yes, I can do this” Sonny declared shakily but as he took a few steps forward panic surged through him. He pushed aside his pride and fear of being mocked and reached out ; he firmly grasped Matt’s hand in his own , he knew he was way too old for hand holding but it gave him the reassurance he so sorely needed. In response Matt gave the teens hand a comforting squeeze as they started following Kelly and Tuesday through the park. When Sonny’s breathing began to speed up Matt wrapped his arm around Sonny.By the time they reached halfway through the park the teen was pressed firmly against Matt’s side but Casey didn’t mind. Sonny’s breathing was steady and he wasn’t shaking like he had been at the store. His eyes were fixed on Tuesday but instead of fear they were now filled with amusement. As Kelly threw a stick sending Tuesday running Matt swore he even saw a smile on the teens face. 

As they reached the exit of the park Kelly turned around and flashed Sonny a triumphant smile which the boy happily returned. Despite there being significantly less people on the way home Sonny remained glued to Matt’s side. Matt couldn’t help the warms glow that ignited in his chest or the bright smile that appeared on his face, being able to hold his boy this close was a dream come to true.  
“You did good Sonny I’m proud of you” announced Matt gently stroking the boys arm. He knew this was only the beginning of a very long journey but progress was progress, no matter how small.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Sonny begins to trust the two men more and more there will be even more nice moments like the last paragraph.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Have a good day :)


	13. visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny returns to a familiar place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> Thank you for reading.  
> Sorry for any mistakes this was a hard chapter to write.
> 
> TW- eating disorder.  
> Very Brief mentions of Stockholm syndrome.

A week had passed since their walk in the park and they had slipped into a comfortable routine, they would spend two days with Stella watching cartoons and playing video games , then on the third day before work she and Ritter would arrive with Tuesday, then Kelly Matt and Sonny would take the pooch for a walk; afterwards Kelly would return her to fifty one in the evening. So far all Boden knew was that Kelly needed some time off, but Kelly wasn’t sure how much longer he could keep the chief in the dark. They still hadn’t told anyone else apart from Kidd and Ritter about Sonny being found, they believed the boy still needed time to adjust. Sonny still wasn’t sleeping properly and they were still having problems with his eating habits. The teen always wolfed down his food as quickly as he could, it was as if he expected them to take it away if he didn’t eat fast enough. Neither Kelly or Matt had known what to do, feeling completely helpless Kelly had contacted dr Charles for advice. Since the call they’d made a meal plan which was pinned up on the refrigerator door, they also ate at the same times everyday. It was suppose to reassure Sonny that he’d always have access to food. But what didn’t help matters was that they didn’t know what the teen genuinely liked to eat as so far he’d eaten everything they gave him, well except the burnt toast Kelly had made back at Matt’s old house. 

As Kelly walked into the living room to take Tuesday back to fifty one he found Sonny sprawled out on the sofa with the Dalmatians’ head rested on his lap. Kelly stared at the scene in disbelief, it was the closest Sonny had ever gotten to Tuesday, he felt incredibly guilty about having to ruin the moment.  
“Sorry kiddo it’s time for me to take Tuesday back to Ritter” informed Kelly gently.  
“Ok” responded Sonny softly as a thoughtful expression appeared on his face and he looked down at Tuesday.  
“Can I come with you?” He asked in a time voice while a hopeful smile played on his lips. Matt who had been sat beside Sonny immediately looked up in shock.  
“Uh I don’t know Sonny, that might not be a great idea ” replied Kelly and instantly the boys hopeful expression fell. Kelly felt another wave of guilt wash over him as Sonny nodded dejectedly. They were both eager to introduce Sonny to fifty one but had been holding off because they wanted to protect him. Both Kelly and Matt knew the boy could be overwhelmed easily; he still held their hands in public, not that either of the men were complaining. But they knew the boy was starting to get embarrassed as passerby’s tended to stare, A few times Kelly had almost lost his temper; if the nosy strangers knew what Sonny had been through they would understand. Matt knew everyone at fifty one would do their best to make Sonny feel welcome but new places and being around more than five people put the boy on edge.  
“Oh, that’s ok” responded Sonny in a voice barely above a whisper. Matt furrowed his brow as he tried to decide what to do, he felt like his head was spinning. Deep down Matt really wanted to take Sonny to fifty one, it would be just like old times but he wasn’t going to let what he wanted cloud his judgement, he needed to do what was best for Sonny. But now the boy had suggested it himself and Matt was worried if they said no the teen would become even more reluctant to go out again; he was concerned that Sonny would see it as them not having faith in him.  
“Why do you want to go Sonny?“Inquired Matt softly, he wanted to check that the teen wasn’t doing it just to make them happy. Once again Sonny stared off into the distance thoughtfully as he began absentmindedly stroking Tuesday.  
“It sounds like a nice place ” admitted the boy in a quiet voice, over the past week he’d heard a lot of stories about fifty one. He also had a few memories of going there when he was little, which was probably why he felt so drawn to the place.  
“Ok then, go grab your shoes and jacket” instructed Matt with a smile which Sonny happily returned. Meanwhile Kelly was staring at him in shock.

“Are you sure about this Matt?” Whispered Kelly.  
“Not really but he needs to know we trust him to make his own judgments, if he believes he’s ready then I do too” Matt explained as butterflies fluttered in his stomach, he hoped he wouldn’t regret his decision. Suddenly a thought popped into his head, it would probably be better if they told everyone about Sonny first so they could answer any questions without the teen there, without a doubt Herman would say something harsh about Ryder which would definitely upset Sonny. They needed to warn everyone that Dr Charles believed Sonny was most likely suffering from Stockholm syndrome which was why he didn’t take any insults about Ryder very well.  
“Maybe you should text Kidd and ask her nicely to explain the situation before we get there” suggested Matt, he felt bad about leaving the job to Kidd but they had no choice.  
“Good idea” agreed Kelly but before he grabbed his phone he walked over and gave Matt a brief one armed hug.  
“You’re really good at this parenting thing Matt” whispered Kelly, it hurt him to know that the blonde still doubted himself.  
“You are too” shot back Matt, Kelly had and always would be another parent to Sonny, he’d been there since day one. 

-  
“Now Sonny if you need to leave at anytime just tell us” reminded Matt, Sonny practically knew the older man’s speech off by heart now but he didn’t bother to interrupt, in a strange way he found Matt’s worry reassuring as it showed how much he cared. It was a stark contrast to Ryder, who after Eve’s death did his very best to avoid expressing affection, a small part of Sonny was beginning to wonder if Ryder ever truly cared about him or if Sonny’s only value had been the fact he made Ryder feel less lonely.  
“It’s ok I’m ready” announced sonny taking one last deep breath. 

The nervous teen grasped Tuesday’s lead tightly as they stood in the entry way, a large smile appeared on his face as he caught sight of one of the engines, before Sonny could move towards it Kelly leaned in close.  
“No matter what happens we’re proud of you kiddo”he whispered in a warm voice helping Sonny relax slightly. As they walked inside anxiety gnawed at Kelly’s insides, truck eighty one was out on call. Kelly hoped that Kidd managed to explain the situation before she was called out, but as he heard a loud gasp he realised they weren’t so lucky. He turned around slowly to see Capp moving his mouth up and down as if he was trying to speak but no words were coming out.  
“Little Casey” he finally mumbled staring at the teen who to Kelly’s relief was struggling to contain his laughter.  
“Yep, now don’t scare him off” warned Kelly even though his tone was light Capp knew Severide was being deadly serious.  
“I won’t” promised Capp as they all walked further inside.  
“It’s Good to see you too Matt” smiled Capp who then proceeded to walk towards the squad table where three other men were sitting. Matt’s eyes quickly scanned over the firefighters, he presumed the man he didn’t recognise was Kelly’s temporary replacement , the other was Tony who hadn’t changed a single bit. When matt’s eyes landed on the final person the corners of matts mouth quirked in amusement, it was Cruz who was struggling not to stare at them. Kelly had told him that Cruz had joined squad but he had never quite believed it.  
“Hey Cruz is Boden around?” Inquired Matt as he reached the squad table. Meanwhile Kelly steered Sonny towards the squad engine. The teen was still firmly holding onto Tuesdays lead and Kelly had an arm draped around his shoulders. The boy had become extremely tactile over the past week and appeared to take comfort from being close to them especially when out in public.  
“Y-yeah he’s in his office” Cruz stuttered.  
“Thanks and sorry it late but congratulations for making squad” replied Matt causing Cruz to blush as he mumbled his appreciation.  
“Hey Sonny I’ll be right back ok?” Called Matt but the boy’s eyes were glued to the fire engine in front of him.  
“Don’t worry Matt, we’ll be fine. I can show him all the reasons Squad is better than truck” Kelly joked when he realised Sonny wasn’t going to answer.  
“Don’t listen to him Sonny” laughed Matt partly at Kelly’s remark and partly at Sonny’s fascination with the engine.

As Matt lingered outside of Boden’s office his palms were sweaty and he felt like his heart was going to burst out of his chest. Matt had always looked up to Boden but the last time he’d seen him was when he was at his worst. As his hand hovered over the door handle he felt ashamed for not visiting sooner, Boden didn’t deserve to be frozen out. Finally Matt gathered enough courage and gently knocked the door,  
“Come in” beckoned the deep familiar voice. Hesitantly Matt pushed open the door and stepped inside, Matt sucked in a deep breath as his eyes landed on Boden who was yet to look up from his desk.  
“Well I definitely don’t miss having to do paper work” remarked Matt. Instantly Boden froze in place and steadily lifted his head.  
“Casey” he breathed out.  
“W-what are you ... what are you doing here?” He questioned worry leaking into his tone.  
“I moved in with Kelly” replied Matt nonchalantly.  
“But why, why now?”, he was glad to see Matt again but he’d accepted a few years ago that he probably would never see the blonde again.  
“Come on Chief I’ll show you” Matt responded. Hesitantly Boden rose to his feet as followed Matt.  
“Casey what’s going.... Sonny” gasped Boden as the blonde teen came into view, Sonny was sat at the squad table laughing and smiling as he listened to one of Capp’s tales.  
“You found him” uttered Boden in disbelief. Suddenly everything made sense, Kelly’s absence, Stella’s extremely cheerful mood and why Kelly had been borrowing Tuesday. 

-  
Despite wanting to talk to the teen Boden kept his distance as he could sense his anxiousness, instead he listened closely to Matt who was doing his best to inform him of how they were doing now they had Sonny. Their conversation came to an abrupt end when they saw engine eighty one approaching in the distance, swiftly they led Sonny to Kelly’s office, they thought it would be best if Sonny and Matt stayed in there while Kelly explained everything they needed to know. 

As Matt sat down on Kelly’s bed he felt incredibly strange, it was weird not having his own office but he didn’t mind as much as he thought he would. Sonny looked around the room before picking up a small frame that had been displayed on the desk, it was of a younger looking Kelly grinning widely as he balanced a one year old Sonny on his knee. He placed the frame back down when he noticed another photo tucked way behind a pile of paper work. Sonny beamed as he studied the picture of Matt and Kelly dressed in their turnout gear.  
“Do you miss it?” questioned Sonny Gently. Earning a surprised look from Casey.  
“Being a firefighter? Yeah I do” Matt admitted after a few moments, he’d never really thought about his time as a firefighter while he was living in the middle of nowhere, but after moving back to Chicago it had been weighing heavily on his mind.  
“Do you think you’ll ever go back?”  
“No” announced Matt honest resulting in Sonny almost dropping the frame.  
“Why not?” The boy asked weakly.  
“I’d rather stick to construction”stated Casey but Sonny eyed him sceptically.  
“You don’t have to do that for me” the teen mumbled, he could tell how much Matt had loved his job, he didn’t want to be the reason he never returned to doing what made him happy.  
“Yes I do Sonny, you’re my son and I want to be there for you”  
Sonny stared open mouthed at Casey in shock, he could hardly believe his ears. All Sonny had ever wanted was for Ryder to get a regular job, he hated spending so much time on his own but Ryder never kept to his promises of starting a normal life. But now Matt was willing to give up the job he loved just for him. Sonny chewed on his lip as he tried to suppress the sob rising in his throat, Ryder never loved him enough to leave behind a life on the road but after only spending two weeks together Matt was willing to sacrifice everything.  
“Sonny are you alright?” Asked Matt tentatively, he was taken aback when Sonny barreled into him throwing his arms around him.  
The teen clung onto Matt for a few minutes soaking in the comfort. The only times Ryder allowed hugs was when Sonny woke up from a nightmare and wouldn't stop screaming. Eventually the teen reluctantly pulled away and swiped angrily at his eyes before Matt could see the few stray tears that had fallen,  
“Thanks” he mumbled, even though he'd only been with Matt and Kelly for two weeks he felt like he finally had a proper home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, more on Boden and Herman next chapter.
> 
> This chapter was more of a summary of how Sonny is doing at this point in time,I hope you didn’t mind.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	14. Monopoly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The visit continues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter.

After leaving Matt and Sonny in his office Kelly headed straight for the common room.  
“Hey Severide, everything alright?” Asked a worried Herman as he entered the busy room. Hermann had suspected for a while that something was going on with Kelly and he was pretty sure it involved Matt, the two younger firefighters were like sons to him and he hated seeing them in pain. Therefore he desperately wanted to know what was going on so he could offer his assistance.  
“Actually that’s why I’m here” informed Kelly as he joined Hermann and Mouch at the table, everyone else in the room either knew Sonny had been found or had joined fifty one after the boys disappearance.  
“Over two weeks ago I got a call from detective Warner” started Kelly and instantly the two men froze, they both remembered that name from the early days of Sonny’s disappearance.   
“Is he-“ Herman began to ask shakily but Kelly cut him off before he could finish his horrible question. Kelly didn’t want to prolong the man’s pain.  
“They found him alive, Sonny’s Alive ”  
Mouch sighed in relief while Hermann stared at Kelly in shock. He couldn’t believe after all this time they’d found Sonny, after a year passed Hermann believed the poor little boy was dead.   
“He’s alright?” Asked Mouch fearing what Sonny may have gone through during the past ten years.   
“Physically he’s ok, we’ve ran into some.... issues but all things considered he’s doing good” explained Kelly. When the two men sent him confused looks Kelly started to elaborate,  
“Uh you see Sonny practically spent the last ten years isolated from the rest of the world and as a result he doesn’t cope to well with lots of people” , Kelly felt conflicted as he continued to disclose more information about Sonny. He knew the teen would feel embarrassed or as if his privacy had been violated but if he was going to visit fifty one again they needed to know what to expect, he didn’t want them to be caught off guard by Sonny’s panic like they were.  
“W-what, what happened? How’d they find him?” Stammered Herman as Kelly’s words began to sink in.  
“That’s um harder to explain”

-

Meanwhile Matt was studying his son carefully as he contemplated what to do, despite the boy’s best efforts Matt could still see the tear tracks staining Sonny’s face. Matt wished he could pull the teen back into a hug but they were still at the stage where Sonny only felt comfortable when he initiated contact. After a few minutes Matt jumped off the bed and knelt down onto the floor, Sonny watched in confusion as Matt began searching for something under the bed. All of the sudden Matt let out a cheer of victory before rising to his feet with a rectangular box clasped in his hands.  
“Why don’t we play a game to pass the time?” Suggested Matt placing the box down on the bed, he couldn’t believe he’d actually found it, looking for it had been a long shot. Matt remembered Kelly hiding it there years ago, he was surprised the other firefighter hadn’t thrown it out.   
“Have you ever played monopoly before?” Asked Matt gently, he doubted the boy had played any sort of board game before. The teen confirmed Matt’s assumption when he shook his head as he eyed the game with curiosity sparkling in his eyes.  
“That’s ok I’ll explain the rules as we go along, you’ll pick it up in no time” comforted Matt as he began setting the board up on the bed. As Sonny sat crossed legged opposite Matt on the bed he glanced down at the colourful board, his blood ran cold when his eyes landed on the black letters printed all over the board.   
“Don’t worry it’s not as complicated as it looks” reassured Matt before showing him a small collection of tiny metal figures. Hesitantly Sonny picked up the Scottie dog causing Matt to smile, Matt then picked up the racing car before putting the rest of the figures back in the box. 

Next Matt rolled a pair of dice and moved the metal car as he narrated his actions. By his third go Sonny was confident he could stumble his way through the game without Matt ever knowing he couldn’t read. Initially buying properties had been a daunting task but he quickly realised all he had to do was give Matt the fake dollar bill that matched the number displayed on the property he landed on, if he couldn’t find a match he didn’t buy it. Any mistakes Sonny made he blamed on the fact he’d never played before. His tactics had been working until he landed on a strange space with a question mark printed on it,   
“Ah you need to take a chance card” announced Matt,  
“A what?” Stammered Sonny feeling bile rise in his throat as he noticed two stacks of cards on the board, he hadn’t seen them before because he’d been to focused on getting the money part right.   
“Take one from the top and then read out what it says” instructed Matt gently completely oblivious to the fear engulfing Sonny.  
“Ok” Sonny gulped as he shakily picked up a card and began studying it intently. The cartoon man beside the writing did nothing to ease his confusion, he tried desperately to understand the words but it was no use. He continued to stare at the card as he tried to figure out what to do, he’d had a lot of fun with Matt over the past week he wasn’t ready for it to end, he wasn’t ready to be left behind again. Of course he knew they would eventually find out when he started school but he thought he had more time; neither of the men has mentioned school recently, he thought he had at least another week. He looked desperately at the door hoping Kelly would appear but there was no sign of the man.   
“Is everything ok Sonny?” questioned Matt in a soft voice which only increased Sonny’s distress. He liked the way Matt smiled at him and his voice was always full of kindness, he didn’t want to be introduced to Matt’s bad side.   
“Huh yeah it’s just, I uh I” stuttered sonny realising he had no other choice than to confess.  
“Oh god not monopoly” interrupted a loud voice, Sonny exhaled in relief as he turned around to see Kelly stood in the doorway. Where as Matt tried to hide his frown as he looked at Severide, he was pretty Sonny was about to tell him something before Kelly’s appearance but now the teen had clammed up.  
“How did they take the news?” Asked Matt accepting that Sonny wasn’t going to open up yet.  
“Good, they want to see you and sonny but they understand you both need time and space” explained Kelly, instantly Matt knew that “they” really meant Hermann. The older man had been greatly affected by both of the blonde’s disappearance, Matt was like a son to Hermann and consequently Hermann has been a surrogate grandfather to Sonny. Before the young boy went missing Cindy regularly looked after Sonny, she loved him as if he was one of her own. Sonny’s disappearance had left her in a very bad way, it took her a very long time to accept what had happened and begin move on with her life, but even then the sweet little boy was never forgotten. 

When the room fell into silence Sonny shifted awkwardly on the bed, he needed to get out of the small suffocating room before Matt suggested finishing the game.   
“Can we go find Tuesday and Stella?” Asked Sonny, the thought of entering a room full of people terrified him but he was willing to do anything to avoid exposing his shameful secret, he wasn’t ready to loose Matt’s and Kelly’s affection.   
“Yeah ok” agreed Kelly suspiciously , he could tell that he’d just interrupted something but as he glanced at Matt the blonde shook his head which Kelly knew was his way of say he’d explain later.  
“Come on Sonny, we’ll take this home” announced Matt as he quickly put the game away. Matt hated the way Sonny nodded weakly in response, he could tell something had been bothering the blonde for most of the game. But despite not wanting to cause the boy any more distress he needed to know what had upset his son so he could address it; Sonny would never heal if they avoided every problem that arose.

Sonny walked slowly towards the common room but as soon as his eyes landed on Tuesday sat beside Stella his pace sped up.  
“Hey Sonny” greeted Kidd as the boy knelt down next to the sleeping canine, the teen in front of her was a far cry from the upset kid who refused to get down off the kitchen table a week ago.  
“Hi Stella ” replied the boy softly, he could tell everyone around him was trying their best not to look at him but it only made him feel more self conscious.   
“So what do you think of fifty one?” Questioned Kidd in a cheerful way.  
“Uh” mumbled the boy frowning at her slightly, when Kidd’s own smile began to fall a cheesy grin broke out on Sonny’s face. He chuckled slightly as Kidd realised he was pulling her leg.  
“You were right it’s a pretty awesome place” the boy smiled.  
“Yeah it is” agreed Kidd, it was wonderful seeing the boy out and about but she could tell he was still on edge.  
“Kelly told me he showed you around squad engine, how would you like to see Truck?” Offered Kidd knowing the boy would appreciate the excuse to escape the common room.  
“Yes please” he replied eagerly.

“Wow, he just like you Matt” gasped Hermann as Sonny disappeared with Stella and Tuesday,  
“Maybe he’s a clone” Otis joked immediately regretting it but when Matt smiled softly relief washed over him.  
“Nah, he’s not boring enough” responded Kelly, who then let out a surprises Yelp as Matt punched him gently in the shoulder  
“But seriously in personality he bares a lot of similarities to Hallie, he’s an amazing kid” admitted Kelly before continuing in a somber tone,  
“He’s Just been through a lot”.  
-

“Ready to go home Sonny?” asked Matt walking towards Sonny and Kidd, they’d been at fifty one for a few hours now and Sonny had mostly only spoke to Matt, Kelly and Stella but no one was surprised. Matt wasn’t naive he had known even before they arrived that it would probably take a few more trips before Sonny felt confident enough to speak to anyone else. The blonde smiled at matt and flashed him a grateful smile,he felt incredibly tired and he just wanted to retreat home. They waved their goodbyes to everyone and ambled back towards Kelly’s car. The bright smile that had been lighting up Sonny’s face quickly disappeared when Matt placed something next to him on the backseat, it appeared that Matt was keeping his promise of continuing their game of monopoly. Sonny breathed in shakily, he didn’t want to loose Matt and Kelly too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this was a disappointment, I didn’t want to skip over Kelly explaining sonny’s disappearance but no matter what I did it just didn’t feel right.  
> Don’t worry I will focus on Hermann and boden more soon.
> 
> Also Matt and Sonny will be continuing their game of monopoly very soon.
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, thank you for reading.


	15. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of monopoly leads to a difficult night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, thank you for reading.  
> Thank you for the comments, hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> TW- emotional abuse, abandonment issues, neglect.

A few days had passed since Sonny’s visit to fifty one and they had returned to their normal routine. Sonny hoped that his and Matt’s game of Monopoly had been forgotten. He was sat at the dining table with Matt and Kelly half listening to what they were saying. As per usual the two men were keeping up a steady stream of conversation while he focused on his food. They often attempted to involve him but he only responded with short answers. The two men knew he was never talkative during mealtimes but that never stopped them from trying to engage him, Sonny suspected it was an attempt to stop him from eating so fast. He appreciated their help but he hated how much of their lives he was taking up, he affected everything they did, he wasn’t sure how long it would be until they grew sick of him. 

Once all their plates were empty Sonny stood up to help Kelly with the dishes like he always did. He listened to the end of one of Kelly’s stories as he placed the last plate on the drying rack before turning around, he felt the colour drain out of his face when he saw Matt setting up the dreaded board game. His mind was screaming at him and he remained frozen in place as he watched Kelly sit down at the table.  
“I’m surprised you still have all the pieces” remarked Kelly as he picked up the small metal battle ship, Matt had informed him of Sonny’s strange behaviour and he agreed with Matt that they needed to find the cause. Dr Charles had told them that if they could find Sonny’s triggers they could learn how to handle them. They couldn’t undo the past ten years but with the right help and support Sonny could go on to lead a happy life.  
“I found them all after Hermann flipped the board” replied Matt in a light tone as he smiled fondly at the memory. Years ago Shay’s constant cheating had clashed with Hermann’s no nonsense attitude and resulted in an explosive argument, which was why the game was hidden in Kelly’s office.

“Isn’t it a bit too late to play monopoly?” questioned Sonny in a desperate attempt to stall the game; he wasn’t ready for his happiness end.  
“It’s six pm Sonny” Kelly responded incredulously as he quirked an eyebrow at the boys poor attempt at avoiding the game.  
“And we’re not going anywhere tomorrow, it’s not like we need to get yo early” Matt added in a light tone.  
“Ok” mumbled Sonny dropping down into his chair in defeat. He watched sullenly as Matt placed three metal pieces on the board before dishing out the fake money. As the game began Sonny took one last look at the two men in front of him, he’d miss seeing them smile brightly at him.

Sonny barely concentrated on the actual game instead he studied his money intently , he didn’t want to mess up in front of them. He was doing everything he could to keep his secret. Every time it was his turn to roll the dice he silently prayed he wouldn’t land on the community chest or chance space. They were half way through the game and all he’d had was close calls. Then his luck finally ran out, as his piece hovered over the space with a question mark his hand began to shake. He placed the dog down and urged himself to calm down before he picked up the top card. He stared at the small piece of paper wishing the ground would just swallow him whole, he didn’t want them to know how stupid he was, he didn’t want to get kicked out.  
“Sonny-“ began Kelly sensing the boy’s distress but he was cut off when Sonny slammed the card down on the table. Panic took over and Sonny stood up with both of his hands leaning on the table his face was bright read and Kelly could see the fear dancing in the boys eyes.  
“I can’t read!” he screamed as he shook with terror.  
“Happy now, the freak can’t read. Go on laugh I know you want to” roared Sonny tears leaking out of his eyes. Both men stared in shock at the boy, hearing Sonny’s harsh words about himself was like a stab in the heart.  
“Kick me out, I don’t.... don’t care” ,Sonny’s shouting quickly turned to sobs as he collapsed back down in his chair. Tentatively Matt reached out and placed a hand on Sonny’s shoulder but the boy shrugged him off as he buried his head in his arms.  
“We’ll never kick you out Sonny” assured Matt feeling sick at just the idea of loosing his boy again. Sonny shook his head, despite the man’s kind tone he knew Matt didn’t mean his words. This was part of a cruel joke, they were going to pretend everything was ok and then tomorrow they’d drive him to an unfamiliar park or shop and leave him there. 

He remembered the few times he’d pushed Ryder too far, the man would stop the car in the middle of nowhere and throw Sonny out before continuing driving. The first time it happened was a few weeks after Eve’s death. The sorrowful little boy had been crying about the loss of his surrogate sister causing a grief ridden Ryder to snap. After being dragged out of the vehicle, Sonny had remained where Ryder had shoved him onto the floor, he hugged his knees to his chest as tears cascaded down his face. By the time Ryder returned Sonny’s sobs had turned to a combination of shaky breaths and whimpers. The boy had been too hysterical to notice Ryder’s car reappearing, he’d been jolted to his senses when Ryder pulled him to his feet. The man tilted Sonny’s chin-up, forcing the boy to meet his eyes.  
“Come on now, no more crying. It’s time to move on. Forget about her” Ryder had ordered in a firm voice as he thumbed away the last of Sonny’s tears. Ryder had only been gone for less than an hour but to the young blonde it had felt like forever.  
The next time Ryder abandoned him at the side of the road, it was a whole day before the man returned. But no matter how much time passed Sonny never moved from where Ryder left him, after all he had nowhere to go, Ryder was all he had. Ryder left him behind only a handful of times but each and every incident was engrained in Sonny’s mind. The one thing all the incidents had in common was that Ryder always came back, except this time. Now Ryder was gone forever , if the man who raised him didn’t want to stick around then why would the man who’s life he ruined. Sonny had known from the start that Matt would eventually get sick of him, he just thought he had more time. 

“Please Sonny look at me” urged Matt softly but the boy kept his head down. Sobs wracked his body, he was too tired to stop himself from crying, he couldn’t contain his emotions anymore, Matt winced as Sonny’s defeated cries filled the kitchen.  
“Sonny I don’t care, nothing will change the fact you’re my son” insisted Matt hoping Sonny didn’t notice his voice breaking.  
“Stop lying” shouted Sonny raising his head to stare into Matt’s eyes. Matt’s heart thumped violently in his chest when he saw the terror swimming in Sonny’s eyes.  
“Sonny I will never ever lie to you, i promise” Matt declared as he placed a hand on Sonny arm again, thankfully the blonde didn’t push him away.  
“I’m sorry I’m broken” Sonny croaked as he allowed Matt to pull him into a hug.  
“Oh Sonny you’re not broken, you’re just in a lot of pain right now but we’ll get through it together” soothed Matt as he held onto his boy. If Matt had it his way, he’d never let go of the blonde teen again.

After a while exhaustion took over and Sonny collapsed into Matt’s arms, the older blonde then carefully carried the sleeping boy to bed. As he tucked Sonny in, guilt washed over Matt, how could he have missed the fact Sonny couldn’t read? Despite knowing that Sonny had never been to school it never occurred to Matt that he wouldn’t know how to read.  
“I’m sorry Sonny, I should have realised, I’m so sorry” apologised Matt as he leant down and kissed the boy’s forehead. Right now Matt’s main priority was making sure Sonny knew that they would never abandon him in a million years, Matt’s heart ached at the boys fear of being kicked out. He wondered sadly what Ryder had done to make the boy so insecure. 

-

“I’m sorry I’m broken” Sonny’s words had been replaying in Matt’s head all night. His body ached with exhaustion but he couldn’t sleep as he thought about his distraught son. Matt rolled over in an attempt to shake away his thoughts when Suddenly a loud scream pierced through the quiet house. Without hesitation Matt leapt to his feet and sprinted down the corridor as adrenaline surged through him. When he reached Sonny’s room the screaming intensified, the young teen was thrashing around in his sleep as he let out another terrified shriek. Matt leant over the boy ignoring Kelly who rushed into the room immediately after him.  
“Wake up Sonny, it’s just a nightmare” Matt assured in a firm voice,  
“You’re safe Sonny, please wake up Kiddo” he begged as he placed his hands on Sonny’s arms in attempt to stop the boy’s thrashing, he was afraid Sonny was going to hurt himself by hitting the wall.  
“Come on Sonny, we’re here for you. Please wake up” urged Matt feeling his heart fill with dread, he felt like he was trapped in a nightmare of his own. After a few more desperate pleas Sonny’s eyes shot open and he began panting. His eyes darted around the room before landing on Matt, his heart was still racing with fear as clung onto Matt while the man rubbed circles on his back.  
“You’re ok Sonny, I’ve got you”.  
-

Once Sonny calmed down he pushed himself away from Matt and stared up at the ceiling,  
“I’m sorry for waking you” he mumbled his voice dripping with embarrassment.  
“Don’t be Sonny” comforted Matt, but the boy shook his head. He hadn’t had a night terror in years, he’d hoped he’d never have to deal with them again. He could handle nightmares on his own but he despised disturbing anyone else with his screaming. Slowly Sonny swung his legs over the edge of the bed, his mind was foggy with exhaustion but he couldn’t face another bad dream.  
“Come on Sonny why don't you try to get some more sleep?” Suggested Kelly gently, he’d been watching the heartbreaking scene from the corner or the room.  
“N-no, I can’t” mumbled Sonny scrubbing a hand across his face. Kelly sighed as he studied the boy in front of him, he understood Sonny’s reluctance to go back to bed after his horrific nightmare but he was in desperate need of sleep. Kelly wasn’t sure how much longer the blonde could run on such little energy.  
“Alright then, head on down stairs I’ll join you in a second ” instructed Kelly calmly , Sonny looked at him in surprise before gently nodding and padding out of the room. Immediately Matt went to follow but Kelly put out his arm to stop him.  
“Go back to bed Matt” urged Kelly softly as looked at the dark bags underneath Matt’s eyes,  
“No Kel, I can’t, not when I know he’s this upset” Matt responded, he was surprised Kelly would even suggest such a thing.  
“Casey you’ve barely slept all week, I get that you want to be there for him but you’re no use to anyone if you’re dead on your feet” responded Kelly, the blonde thought for a second before reluctantly nodding . As much as he wanted to be there for his son He knew Kelly was right, his head was starting to throb and his eyelids were becoming heavy. As soon as Matt’s head hit his pillow all of his adrenaline from earlier disappeared and he fell into a dreamless sleep.

When Kelly entered the living room Sonny was sat on the sofa staring off emptily into the distance  
“Let’s try something other than cartoons today” suggested Kelly as he turned off the main light and instead switched on a nearby lamp which emitted a warm glow. Sonny’s eyes landed on the object in Kelly’s hands and he was overcome with confusion and shame.  
“I told you I can’t read” mumbled sonny as he eyed the book mournfully, it was the same book Stella had given him.  
“I know, but I can” Kelly replied as he sat down next to the boy.  
“My mum always used to read to me when I wasn’t feeling so good ” explained Kelly remembering how safe he used to feel as he listened to his mother’s calming voice, that was before everything went wrong. Sonny offered the man a small nod, he would do anything to stop the thoughts rampaging through his mind. As Kelly began to read he felt his tension slip away. The man’s warm voice danced through the air and Sonny’s heartbeat returned to a steady rhythm. Slowly his eyes lids began to drop and the world started to melt away.

Kelly had reached the second chapter when Sonny began to lean heavily on him, by time he’d reached the third chapter the blonde’s head was pressed against his shoulder as he laid half on Kelly’s lap and half on the sofa. As the boy’s soft snores filled the room Kelly gently stroked his messy blonde hair. Feeling the weight of the boy against his chest reminded him of when Sonny was only a few weeks old, it had been a stressful time as the poor infant had colic. Hallie had been staying with them with Sonny; both her and Matt were flat out exhausted, which was why Kelly had insisted on comforting the infant that night. He remembered holding Sonny close against his chest as he paced back and forth whispering soft reassurances. Now as Kelly looked at the sleeping teenager he felt the same urge to protect and look after the boy.  
“We’ll always be here for you kiddo” Kelly whispered , despite the boys fears he was never going to leave him behind. He loved Sonny as if he was his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I don’t know much about colic but wanted to add a brief moment with baby Sonny, I hope to write more soon about Matt as a new dad and Kelly helping him along the way.
> 
> The bits about Ryder were to show how manipulative he was and how he played on Sonny’s fear of being left behind and made it even worse. 
> 
> Sorry this chapter was a little rough, I sort of hoped Kelly reading to Sonny would balance out the sadness.  
> Things aren’t going to be easy but now Matt and Kelly know the truth Sonny’s life is going to get much better.


	16. Toy Cars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Both of the Casey’s are forced to confront the demons they have been avoiding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter, thank you for the comments. Any criticism welcome.
> 
> TW- neglect, emotional abuse, death of a child mentioned.

As Matt padded into the living room a bright smile played on his lips, Sonny was sprawled out across Kelly while the man had an arm wrapped around the boy preventing him from falling. As he studied the scene Matt was reminded of the rare occasions he arrived home late when Sonny was little. He was usually home no later than six during the weeks they had Sonny, but the few times he stayed out late for various reasons the lively little boy would insist on waiting up for his dad. Kelly would try his best to put sonny to bed but the blonde always refused to go to bed without his goodnight hug from Matt. Despite his best efforts the little boy never made it passed eight before succumbing to sleep. Therefore when Matt arrived home he was be greeted by the sight of a sleeping Sonny nestled in Kelly’s lap snoring softly. As sonny was a lot older now than he was when he went missing Matt had believed he would never see such a scene ever again, he was delighted to find out he was wrong. As he moved closer towards the sofa Kelly began to stir, a few seconds later Kelly was sleepily peering up at Matt.  
“Good sleep?” Casey asked with a grin.  
“Yeah” mumbled Kelly when he suddenly became aware of the warm weight on his chest. A warm glow flowed into his chest as he looked down at the boy, he was filled with a mix of happiness and relief, a couple of weeks ago he had feared Sonny would never allow them to show him affection.  
“How long has he been asleep?” Inquired Matt warily, since moving to Chicago the most sleep the boy had gotten so far was five hours, Matt wasn’t sure how much longer the boy could survive on such little energy. Kelly looked at the nearby clock before beaming at Matt,  
“Over Seven hours” informed Kelly cheerfully,  
“Thank god” sighed Matt.  
-

As Sonny gradually awakened the sound of chatter filled his ears, as his awareness of his surroundings grew he registered the sound of someone’s breathing, Sonny’s eyes shot open and he found himself staring up at Kelly.  
“Good Morning ” smiled the man when he noticed the boy was wide awake.  
“Morning ” mumbled Sonny when a blush crept into his cheeks as he realised he had fallen asleep on Kelly. The blonde pushed himself off the firefighter and settled himself down in the space beside him, but instantly Sonny found himself missing the comfort the contact had given him. In a strange way he found himself needing to be close to the two men, it reminded him that he wasn’t alone in some dingy motel room with very little food. 

“I’m sorry” admitted Sonny in a quiet voice full of shame as the events of the previous night came rushing back to him.  
“It’s ok we all get nightmares sometimes” comforted Kelly,  
“I wasn’t just talking about the nightmare” Sonny whispered.  
“Oh, Sonny we’re not mad about that. I don’t think anyone could blame you for getting upset, we should have realised you wouldn’t have learnt how to read” admitted Kelly feeling sorry for the teen, he definitely inherited Matt’s self doubt and guilt complex.  
“I shouldn’t have yelled, please don’t send me away” begged Sonny in a voice that made him sound a lot younger than fourteen. Immediately Kelly reached out and pulled the boy into a bone crushing hug.  
“I like it here” croaked Sonny as he returned the hug but Kelly gently shushed him.  
“Oh Sunshine we are never going to leave you behind” the man replied using the nickname he’d given Sonny when he was a baby. As he held the boy close he was reminded of the moment a tired but proud Matt gently placed the boy in his arms for the first time. He recalled how amazing he felt as baby Sonny peered up at him with piercing blue eyes. He remembered listening to the sound of the newborns steady breathing and vowing to never let him down. As he held the teen close, in a soft voice Kelly repeated his promise,  
“We will always be here for you, no matter what”.

Reluctantly Sonny pulled away before giving Kelly a watery smile. When Matt appeared holding a glass of apple juice Sonny quickly rubbed his eyes before accepting the beverage and mumbling his thanks.  
“Hey Sonny I was wondering if you were in the mood to go out today” asked Matt as he sat down next to the teen.  
“Where?” Questioned the boy weakly. So far the only place he felt comfortable other than home was the park.  
“Do you remember Boden? We met him at the fire station a few days ago” queried Matt and Sonny gave a small nod in response.  
“I was thinking we could go to his house, it will be quiet as it’s just him, his wife Donna and his six year old son Terrance” explained Matt hope lacing his words . He was eager to visit his old chief for a number of reasons, firstly he’d never met Donna or Terrance yet which was something he deeply regretted. Secondly Kelly had informed him that Donna was a headteacher, if anyone knew how to help Sonny with starting school and learning to read she would. 

Sonny stared at the now emptily glass in hands before looking up at Matt with an unreadable expression.  
“Ok” agreed Sonny, from the stories he’d heard about Boden he could tell the man meant a lot to both Kelly and Matt; Sonny didn’t want to be the reason they had to stay away. 

-  
After a short drive sonny found himself stood in front of a cozy looking house, as they walked towards the building Sonny instinctively reached out for Matt’s hand. “Grow up” hissed A voice in the back of Sonny’s head, he contemplated letting go of Matt’s hand but his anxiousness outweighed his embarrassment. Meanwhile Matt was wearing a bright smile and he walked with a spring in his step, which was why Sonny felt extra pressured to ensure he didn’t mess this visit up. Sensing his sons worry Matt gave Sonny's hand a squeeze,  
“Don’t worry Sonny, it’ll be ok. And remember we can leave at anytime” reminded Matt in a soft tone. Sonny took a deep breath as Kelly knocked the large door. A few seconds later Boden appeared in the door way, the man’s friendly greeting was drowned out by the sound of Sonny’s heart racing. Since moving in with Matt Sonny had only been to the supermarket, the park and firehouse fifty one, he wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act when at someone else’s house, what if he accidentally broke one of their rules or upset them, he didn’t want to make anyone mad.  
“Come on, you can do this” the teen reminded himself as he allowed Matt to steer him inside. 

As they stepped into the warm house his eyes immediately landed on a small boy sat on the floor playing happily with colourful toy cars. Both Matt and Sonny smiled softly at the young boy.  
“Matt and Sonny this is Terrance” beamed Boden as the little boy looked up, Sonny gave the boy a small wave while Matt said hello.  
Casey’s voice was gentle and he wore a cheerful expression but Kelly could see the sadness lurking in the blonde’s eyes, he knew Matt regretted not visiting sooner; the fact no one blamed Matt for how he acted over the past ten years did nothing to the blonde’s anger at himself.  
“Hi Kelly” greeted Terrance as his eyes landed on the firefighter, Kelly winced slightly at the boy’s greeting he knew it would only deepen Matt’s guilt.  
“Hey budd-“ began Kelly but he stopped abruptly when he remembered how upset the endearment made Sonny.  
“Hey kiddo” continued Kelly feeling thankful that Sonny hadn’t noticed, fortunately before Boden could comment on Kelly’s peculiar behaviour Donna appeared. After the two Casey’s were introduced they sat down in the spacious living room and the room filled with warm voices but Sonny was only half listening, his attention was glued to Terrance and the toy cars. Matt frowned slightly at the sad smile on Sonny’s face, he instantly recognised the teens expression as one of deep longing.

Despite the adults attempts to engage Sonny the teen was too absorbed in his thoughts to talk properly. Growing up with Ryder Sonny never had a lot of possessions, he had his notebooks and his old baseball but that was it. He certainly never had toy cars because they weren’t a necessity. The only reason he had the baseball was because he’d found it in the parking lot of one of the motels. Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by someone tapping his shoulder, Sonny blinked a few times before realising that Terrance was stood beside him. The boy was grinning from ear to ear and he was bouncing up and down on his feet excitedly,  
“Do you want to play?” Terrance asked hopefully gesturing towards his toys.  
“Umm sure” agreed Sonny hesitantly as he ignored the dread spreading over him, he had no experience with younger children. Sonny took a deep breath before joining the little boy on the floor. Terrance wasted no time in launching into a lengthy description about each of his beloved cars and Sonny felt his worry slip away. To Sonny’s surprise children were actually a lot easier to deal with than adults, they didn’t pity him like Matt’s friends or judge him like the strangers who stared at him while he cried in public. Sonny had been doing a lot better recently out in the big world; when he did cry or scream in public he no longer reached the point where he became too hysterical to understand what was going on around him. Sonny knew he still had a long way to go but maybe one day he’d be as talkative and confident around strangers as Terrance was.

-

Matt beamed as he listened to his old chief, he had missed his talks with the other man. After all Boden and Hermann were the closest thing he had to a Dad, in fact he trusted and admired them more than he ever had trusted his own father. The blonde’s eyes flickered from Boden to sonny occasionally and when looked over at his son he was delighted to see the teen looking so content. At the start of the day he’d been concerned that the night before would have left Sonny in a somber mood, thankfully their visit seemed to be taking Sonny’s mind off the events of the previous day. Other than distracting Sonny Matt also hoped the visit would ease his worries regarding Sonny’s education, he hoped talking to Donna would give him a clear plan of what to do. Matt believed they needed to get the blonde to school sooner rather than later, he was concerned that if they put it off for too long sending Sonny to school would be virtually impossible, they needed to rip off the band-aid.

Sonny was listening to Terrance’s happy rambling when one of the cars caught his eye, it was a dark blue sedan eerily similar to the one Ryder owned. As he stared at the toy anger bubbled up inside of him as a thought popped into his head. Terrance was the same age he was when Eve died, when his childhood virtually ended. Before the girls death they’d lived in a small house where Sonny was allowed to play with the few old toys his surrogate sister owned, but after her tragic death they left all reminders of her behind. When Sonny asked about toy cars Ryder had always told him to be grateful that he had clothes on his back and that most importantly he was still breathing. Growing up Sonny had pushed away his upset and instead focused on the good moments like when they stopped in a field to play baseball or when they’d stay outside until nightfall, so Ryder could show him the different constellations. But now Sonny couldn’t suppress his anger and upset any longer, he wasn’t angry about the fact that he never got to play with toys or go to school like other children, he was upset that Ryder had taken him away from a happy normal life. If he had grown up with Matt hugs wouldn't have been a luxury reserved for nightmares, meals three times a day wouldn’t have been a rare occurrence and he definitely wouldn’t have spent his time trying to work out if Matt really loved him, because right now Sonny was pretty sure Ryder never did. 

The world around Sonny became a crimson red and his hands began to shake, his heart was pounding and he was struggling to suppress a scream. Abruptly he jumped to his feet and ran out of the house before he even fully processed what he was doing. He sprinted down the steps and as his feet hit the pavement he let out an anguished scream.  
“Sonny what’s wrong ” called Matt running towards to boy with concern etched across his face. But sonny turned away from him as he placed his hands on his head and let out a frustrated cry.  
“Please speak to me” Matt begged; Sonny turned around and briefly locked eyes with Matt. The older blonde could see a fire raging inside the younger boy, Matt remained still and waited for Sonny to continue , he knew the boy desperately needed to let all his emotions out.  
“I hate him” yelled Sonny throwing the small toy car he hadn’t even realised he was still holding. Kelly was watching nervously from the porch but Sonny was paying no attention, his eyes barely focused on anything ; He paced up and down tugging at his own hair as he begged his thoughts to quieten down. He felt like he was suffocating. As soon as he’d thrown the car he’d been filled with regret, he was being ungrateful because Ryder did the best he could. Turning his back on the man who raised him was a horrible thing to do. Sonny let out a groan and tears stung his eyes. Sonny tried to calm himself but his thoughts were too loud and confusing. One second he was full of rage then the next he felt like wanted he to cry for hours on end.  
Sonny looked up at the sky as he allowed his tears to fall, he couldn’t deny the truth anymore. Ryder may have raised him but he did a lot of unforgivable things. Sonny couldn’t pretend anymore that Ryder was a good person, he had to let the perfect image of Ryder he had created go.  
“He took everything from me, You, Kelly, mum” cried Sonny. A few of the neighbours were watching from their houses but Matt was too focused on his son, his heart was aching as he listened to the boys pain filled words.  
“And he never cared about me, he cared more about his job than keeping me alive” yelled Sonny thinking of all the times Ryder had chosen hiding his identity over taking him to the hospital, always preferring to find a dangerous alternative which allowed him to keep his secrets. Despite all the pain Ryder had caused him Sonny had always cared about the other man, which was why he deluded himself by insisting Ryder cared about him too.  
“God! It’s so messed up” screamed Sonny kicking the pavement angrily.  
“He didn’t care about me, so why -“ Sonny broke off into a sob as he looked at Matt desperately, the pain he was feeling was unbearable, after everything Matt had been through Sonny hoped the man would understand his pain and show him a way to make it stop.  
“Why do I miss him so much?” Sobbed Sonny as he dropped to his knees. Instantly Matt positioned himself next to the boy and began rubbing soothing circles on his back.  
“I’m so tired” groaned Sonny before his anger flared up inside him once more, as he was filled with a blinding rage he clenched his first and punched the pavement as hard as he could. The pain searing through his hand was drowned out by the pain in his heart. When Matt gently grasped Sonny’s wrist to stop him from hurting himself the boy collapsed against him.  
“I’m tired of crying, of screaming, Of hurting” stated Sonny in a strangled whisper that made Matt’s heart sting. The boy dropped his head onto Matts shoulder as exhaustion took over his body.  
“I hate him Matt but I love him too, what the hell is wrong with me?” Muttered the boy dejectedly.  
“There’s nothing wrong you Sonny, grief is just a complicated thing” comforted Matt as he massaged the boy’s wrist. Sonny was still in his own little world, he was completely oblivious to the fact Kelly had joined them on the pavement and had taken over from Matt gently rubbing circles on his back.  
“No kidding” replied Sonny before erupting into hollow laughter but it quickly turned into sobs. Matt locked eyes with Kelly for a second before looking back down at the boy in his arms.  
“We’ll get through this Sonny, together”

-

Later that night once Sonny had gone to bed Matt and Kelly sat in the living room half watching some old action film, neither of the men cared about the movie but it was better than silence. They were both mentally drained after the tough few days they had, but Matt pushed past his tiredness to say something important before he changed his mind,  
“You were right, we need to take him to see Dr Charles” admitted Matt shocking Kelly. Despite Kellys beliefs that Sonny would benefit from seeing Dr Charles in person Casey had been against it because he was worried it would lead to loosing the teen’s trust.  
“Are you sure Matt?”questioned Kelly as he stared at the blonde in disbelief.  
“ Yeah, he needs someone to talk to, someone who can be unbiased”, Kelly knew what Matt really meant, Sonny needed to talk to someone who didn’t despise Ryder. Because no matter how hard they tried they could never speak well of the man and they knew when it came to Ryder Sonny would never be fully honest due to his fear of upsetting them.  
“Ok but I think maybe you should um- maybe you should speak to someone too” Kelly stated, he’d been meaning to broach the subject for a while but he could never find the right time.  
“I don’t need a psychiatrist” declared Matt defensively.  
“Maybe not but you definitely need to speak to a doctor” stated Kelly. He knew Matt we’ll enough to spot the signs that he was in pain. Recently he had noticed that Matt always kept his curtains closed to block out the light and that he grimaced at loud noises and bright lights.  
“What ? Why? I’m fine”.Kelly struggled to hide a scoff as he looked at Casey incredulously.  
“I’m not blind Matt, I know the headaches are back and that you’re forgetting things again”  
“That’s not” Matt started to defend himself but Kelly swiftly cut him off.  
“You asked where Andy was yesterday!” Interrupted Kelly barely containing his worry, he’d always suspected that Matt’s head injury had caused more problems than the blonde would ever admit. Kelly had kept quiet for too long, he wasn’t going to let Matt bury his head in the sand anymore.  
“Kelly I don’t -“  
“No Matt, no more excuses. it’s not just you anymore, think about me and Sonny, we don’t want to loose you Matt, if you care about that boy as much as I think you do then you’ll go to the doctor” growled Kelly before standing up to leave, he knew he had to leave before he started shouting and risked disturbing Sonny. However he was stopped by the feeling of Matt grabbing his wrist,  
“Wait” pleaded the blonde. When he saw the fear in the blonde’s eyes immediately Kelly sat back down.  
“What if it’s bad news? We’ve got enough obstacles in our way as it is, we don’t need anything else to worry about” Croaked Matt in a weak voice, within seconds of the blonde’s fear ridden statement Kelly pulled him into a tight hug.  
“Ignoring the problem never makes it go away Matt. If it’s bad news we’ll deal with it just like we’ve dealt with everything else” promised Kelly and he felt Matt nod against his shoulder.  
“But Matt we don’t know for sure it’s bad news, maybe they’ll just give you some meds to help manage the pain, but regardless of what happens I’ll be here for you, I just-“ Kelly’s voice cut off as he let a sob escape.  
“I can’t risk loosing you Matt, not again”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sort of marks a change in Sonny’s character, this is where his blind faith in Ryder slips away, which will have both positive and negative repercussions. But don’t worry he won’t stop being tactile and close with Matt and Kelly, lots more fluff to come I promise.
> 
> I know the story is Sonny centric which might be annoying as he’s an oc but I’m hoping to add even more Matt and Kelly moments, and a bit more of Hermann and Boden too.
> 
> Thank you for reading.


	17. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is a strange thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this chapter, it’s one I’ve wanted to write for a while but didn’t feel ready to. I was worried it wouldn’t turn out how I wanted so avoided it for as long as I could but finally decided it was time to give it a go.
> 
> I’ve hinted at things a lot in previous chapters , this chapter is me bringing all those little details together, so warning this chapter changes time a lot but hopefully it’s easy to follow.
> 
> Please enjoy.

The muffled sound of people talking made Sonny’s stomach twist and turn. He was sat in the waiting room outside the doctors office with Matt and Kelly ,they had been there ever since Sonny’s first appointment with Dr Charles ended nearly twenty minutes ago. The waiting room was virtually empty as they’d intentionally chosen the quietest time of the day but there were still too many people for Sonny’s liking. As a few more people entered the room Sonny pressed his hands tightly against his ears, but a few seconds later his hands were being gently eased away by Kelly who was watching with concern. Next the firefighter carefully lifted the hood of Sonny’s jumper over his head but it offered the blonde very little comfort.  
“I’m sure Kidd will be here soon” soothed Kelly. Earlier when the blonde turned a pale green Kelly swiftly called Stella and politely asked her to come and take the distressed teen home. Matt had suggested Kelly take Sonny home but the man refused to leave Matt on his own. 

As he stared at his now shaking hands Sonny wished he could be stronger for Kelly and Matt, he didn’t want them worrying about him especially now Matt was fearing for his own health. But Sonny’s heart was thumping violently and a million questions were racing around his head. For the duration of his session with Dr Charles he spoke mostly about random stuff in an attempt to avoid the subject of Ryder or how he was really coping, it had worked for the most part but one of the psychiatrist questions stopped Sonny in his tracks. Had he ever been on holiday? It was a simple question but it got Sonny thinking. The thing was he didn’t know the answer, he definitely never went on holiday with Ryder but he had no clue about the time before he went missing. He had fragments of memories but the truth was there was a lot of things he didn’t know about himself or his life before Ryder. For starters he didn’t fully understand Matt and Hallie’s relationship, he knew at the time of his abduction they lived in separate houses but he didn’t know if there was ever a time when they all lived together or even if they were ever married. The other thing that was still a mystery to the teen was Kelly, Sonny cared a lot about the firefighter but he wasn’t entirely sure how Kelly fitted into his life. He thought of him the same way he thought of Matt but it scared Sonny that there was nothing stopping Kelly from walking out on them and never returning. 

Kelly stared emptily at the morbid posters lining the opposite wall. He was terrified of what they might find out during Matt’s appointment but he was doing his best to contain his worry; he didn’t want to risk upsetting Sonny or Matt. All of the sudden he felt a warm body leaning heavily against him, instinctively Kelly wrapped an arm around the teen and allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder. The sound of Sonny’s steady breathing helped drown out the thoughts inside his head.  
A few minutes later Kelly spotted Kidd walking down the long hallway that led to the waiting room.  
“Stella’s here now kiddo” informed Kelly as he gently shook the tired teen, reluctantly Sonny moved himself out of Kelly’s comforting arms and stood to his feet. He smiled briefly at Kidd who was now standing in the door way of the waiting room, then he turned his attention to Matt who was wearing a tight smile. Both Matt and Kelly told him that Matt’s doctors visit was nothing to worry about but he could feel the worry radiating off the two men. Also he had noticed the pinched expression Matt wore occasionally, it was the same expression Ryder had whenever he got badly injured but attempted to hide it.  
“We’ll be home soon Sonny” promised Kelly when Sonny made no movement towards the door. Sonny’s eyes remained on Matt, he could see the fear in the man’s eyes. Before Matt knew what was happening Sonny flung his arms around Matt,  
“Good luck” he whispered in the man’s ear before pulling away and heading towards Kidd. Matt was grinning from ear to ear as he watched Sonny disappear but his happiness quickly dissolved when he remembered where he was. 

“Kelly I don’t want him going through anymore pain”, Matt’s soft tone was full of sadness and Kelly immediately reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“I know Matt but it’s going to be ok” insisted Kelly as he swallowed the lump in his throat, he wasn’t sure he believed his own words anymore, some days it felt like the entire world was against them ever being happy.  
“You don’t know that Sev” Matt replied but his voice wasn’t angry or bitter, if anything he sounded tired, it was as if he’d already given up.  
“Matt regardless of what the doctor says I’m going to be with you every step of the way and Sonny’s a strong kid, he takes after you Matt” Kelly stated firmly, he was doing everything in his power to stop Matt from loosing all hope.  
“He doesn’t deserve to loose another parent”,  
“He’s not going to!” Shouted Kelly, the image Matts words conjured up made Kelly sick to his stomach.  
“I shouldn’t have left , maybe if I stayed and went to the stupid dr appointments back then I’d be ok now” muttered Matt as regret flared up inside of him.  
“Don’t think like that Matt” snapped Kelly but the blonde wasn’t listening anymore he was looking off into the distance, it was like Matt was talking to someone Kelly couldn’t see.  
“Gosh I was so stupid, I really messed up”,  
“Matt no one blames you for how you acted” assured Kelly. Abruptly Matt turned towards Kelly, as they locked eyes Kelly could see the tears glistening in Matt’s eyes.  
“Why’d you stay Kelly?” Croaked Matt.  
“You know why Matt”,  
“I pushed you away when Sonny went missing, when Andy died, when my brain got scrambled, why-“ Matt’s question broke off as he let out a heartbreaking sob.  
“Why didn’t you move on?”. Kelly placed his hands on Casey’s shoulders as looked directly into the blonde’s tortured blue eyes, he stared pleadingly at Matt as if he was willing the blonde to read his thoughts.  
“Because I love you Matt”  
“Why?” Cried Matt as he dissolved into tears. Kelly pulled the blonde towards him and gently began rocking them back and forth.  
“Oh Matt”

For as long as Kelly had known him Matt had always doubted himself, he never could understand what everyone else saw in him. Sadly Kelly knew he contributed to the blonde’s self doubt over the years. He remembered how guarded Casey had been when they met at the academy, back when he was an eager kid with something to prove but Matt was just a lanky misfit who wanted to do something good with his life. Despite their differences Kelly quickly found himself feeling a deep connection with the blonde. Together him and Andy took the blonde under their wing.

After discovering what a dreadful place Matt lived in Kelly and Andy persuaded the blonde to move in with them. Which was why they remained incredibly close even after being placed in different houses after graduation. Slowly over time Kelly began to realise he’d fallen for Matt. This development only fuelled the war that had been consuming his mind for far too long. Kelly’s battle with his sexuality had always been messy and confusing; matters were only complicated by his fear of how Benny would react. Therefore Kelly buried his feelings and continued going out with woman after woman. As for Matt he had his own demons to battle. A long time went by and both Matt and Kelly continued to ignore their feelings, it wasn’t until towards the end of their candidacies that one of them decided things had to change. 

One day Matt had received a terrifying call from a frantic Andy. While rescuing a young boy from a fire the staircase Kelly had been halfway down collapsed from underneath him sending him tumbling to the floor. The boy had been left unscathed but Kelly had been knocked unconscious during his fall. Thankfully after a night in the hospital it was deemed that Kelly was going to be ok. However the incident had been enough to scare Matt into taking action. They were barely inside their modest apartment when the truth came tumbling out of Matt’s mouth. The blonde poured out his soul to Kelly and told him exactly how he felt. Shocked by Matt’s admission Kelly had panicked and foolishly walked away without saying a word. Kelly would forever regret leaving Matt like that and he vowed never to walk out on the blonde again. The only reason Matt didn’t move out was because Andy begged him to stay. When Kelly turned his back on him Matt had felt humiliated and heart broken. For a long time Casey never mentioned what happened that night he carried on as if he’d never declared his undying love for Kelly. The months that followed were agonisingly lonely and awkward for both of the firefighters. Then something changed, Matt met a charming med student, Hallie. Quickly she became Matt’s way of pretending that his heart wasn’t broken. 

After Andy moved in with Heather things only seemed to become more complicated, as Kelly found himself falling deeper in love with Matt every day. And every time he saw Hallie he felt like someone ripped out his heart. Kellys only glimmer of hope was that Hallie’s and Matt’s relationship was far from stable, Kelly lost count of how many times the couple split up in the space of three years. But then one night Matt told him something that shattered his world, Hallie was pregnant. His memory of the rest of that night was extremely foggy, the only thing he remembered was standing on Andy’s doorstep sobbing his heart out. 

Not long after that Matt moved in with Hallie as he was determined to give his baby a proper family. Despite Matt’s excitement at becoming a father Kelly noticed the blonde becoming more and more reserved, the usual light in his eyes was missing and he always wore a tired smile. He was far from the Matt Kelly loved so much, he was almost a ghost former self and it turned out Hallie had noticed to. One month before Sonny was born Hallie moved in with her parents for extra support and Matt returned to Kelly’s, against all the odds it seemed like Kelly had a second chance but he wasn’t sure he deserved it.

During the first year of Sonny’s life Matt and Kelly’s bond only became stronger but the two still never addressed their situation. Matt’s fear of rejection kept him from asking Kelly questions even though he was desperate to know how Kelly viewed him, he’d spend nights lying awake wondering if Kelly saw him as as a brother or something more. Where as Kelly was terrified of how the rest of the world would view them, would Hallie be mad and split them apart, would his father disown him ? Anybody could see the two firefighters were in love but they were both paralysed by fear.

But soon Kelly’s heart began to ache with a deep longing, he wanted more than lingering touches, he wanted to kiss Matt and hold him close. He wanted more than Matt falling asleep on him while watching a movie, he wanted to wake up next to the blonde every morning. He didn’t want the only time they hugged to be after one of them had a close call. He didn’t want to have to contain his love for Casey anymore.

On one of the nights Sonny was with Hallie, Kelly did something he should’ve done years earlier. For ten wonderful minutes Kelly had been watching Matt happily cooking dinner, he loved the way the blonde hummed softly as he drifted in and out of his own little world. The blonde always seemed happiest when he was focused on a task, whether it be cooking, manual labour or chasing Sonny playfully around the flat. Kelly’s thoughts were interrupted when suddenly Matt’s shoulders tensed and he broke the comfortable silence that had fallen over them.  
“I don’t mind you bringing people back to the flat when Sonny’s not here” the blonde stated in a steady voice, despite Matt forcing a small smile Kelly could still see the sadness lingering in his blue eyes. Severide frowned as he stared in disbelief at the blonde, of course Matt would want him to be happy even if it brought him distress.  
“Matt I don’t want to bring anyone back” sighed Kelly.  
“Oh, is everything alright Kelly?” Matt Asked with concern etched across his face, he could tell instantly something was bugging Kelly, he always could read Kelly better than anyone else.  
“Matt I-I made a mistake”  
“What do you-“ before Matt could finish his question Kelly moved towards him in one swift stride and pressed his lips against Matt ‘s. All of Matt’s fears and worries melted away as he instinctively leant into the gesture. Casey let out a whine when he felt Kelly’s lips part away from his.  
“I’m sorry Matt, I should’ve told you- “  
“Shut up” smiled Matt as he pulled Kelly back into another passionate kiss. For both of the firefighters nothing had ever felt so right before, as they held each other tightly they knew in their hearts they belonged together.

That night Kelly had felt ecstatic for once in his life everything was perfect. The three years that followed were the best of Kelly’s life, the firefighter’s heart was constantly bursting with love and joy, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. Then Sonny went missing. Kelly would never forget that night or when he came home two months later to find all Matt’s stuff gone. The blonde only left a small note containing five heartbreaking words “I can’t love you anymore”. However Kelly never gave up, when Matt returned to fifty one a few weeks later he kept a close eye on the blonde and did everything he could to stop the man from slipping away. Refraining from treating Matt as more than a friend felt virtually impossible most days but somehow he found a way. After all Kelly was the only person Matt didn’t push away, he even avoided Andy as Ben and Griffin were a painful reminder of what he had lost.

Then once again tragedy struck. The death of his childhood best friend caused something inside of Kelly to snap. After Andy’s funeral with one sentence Kelly destroyed his and Matt’s already fragile relationship,  
“You sent Andy through that window just like you let Sonny go home with Hallie”. After that Matt froze him out completely and Kelly stopped trying to break through Matts walls. But when Matt suffered his traumatic brain injury his ability to shut himself off from the world was temporarily shattered, all the emotions and feelings the blonde had been suppressing came rushing out leading to one horrendous night. Kelly had known Matt was in pain but it wasn’t until that night he realised that Matt had truly reached rock bottom. After seeing Casey in such a bad way Kelly vowed never to let the blonde hide away from him again, which was why even when Matt left Chicago Kelly kept in contact. He called the blonde once a week and visited as often as he could because he wasn’t going to let Matt spend the rest of his life alone. 

After all the pain they endured the most surprising thing to happen to them was being reunited with Sonny. He loved having the young teen back in his life but Kelly still wasn’t completely happy.  
Once again Kelly found himself longing for something more with Matt. He thought he would be happy with just living with Matt but everyday it was getting harder to deny his feelings. He didn’t want to just be Matt’s friend.

“Matthew Casey” a voice pierced through the waiting room, the blonde swiped at his eyes before Kelly helped him up to a standing position. As they walked towards the doctor Matt grabbed tightly onto Kelly’s hand. The dark haired firefighter gave Matt’s hand a gentle squeeze as he whispered in the blonde’s ear,  
“You’re not alone Matt, you never will be again”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed.  
> Don’t worry this was just a brief summary of their relationship, I plan to write more in depth about the things I mentioned, especially the argument about Andy and the night Matt hit rock bottom.
> 
> Thank you for reading and thanks to everyone who has commented it means a lot.


	18. Heroes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your reviews.

The world outside the car window was blurry, Matt tried desperately to focus on the buildings as they passed by but he could only make out vague shapes. His heart was in his throat and their was a high pitch ringing in his ears. He felt like he was drowning. As the muffled sound of the car radio reached his ears Matt felt his heart rate begin to slow. After what felt like an eternity his eyes began to focus and the world around him became clear. Despite regaining his awareness of his surroundings his head was still aching from all the thoughts crammed inside his head. He pressed his head up against cool the window as he attempted to make sense of what the doctor had told them.   
“Everything alright Matt?” Kelly asked softly,  
“I don’t know” sighed the blonde and immediately Kelly nodded his head. Both men had been plunged into a confusing state of relief and fear by the results of Matt’s appointment. Fortunately the doctor had found no evidence of a bleed or any further damage, in fact the doctor believed it was likely that Matt would live a long healthy life as long as he didn’t sustain any more hits to his head. They could prescribe Matt painkillers to help him manage the pain but the headaches weren’t a symptom of anything life threatening, however there was nothing that could be done to help with Matt’s memory problems; there was even a small chance the problem could become more severe over the years. 

“Let’s get away” suggested Kelly all of the sudden, his cheerful tone was a stark contrast to the gloomy atmosphere that had been filling the cars moments ago.  
“What?” Matt gasped as he stared at Kelly in bewilderment. But Kelly ignored the other man’s puzzled expression and continued with the same level of enthusiasm.   
“We can go to my dads cabin just the three of us”, Kelly thought it would be good for Sonny to be able to go out for a long walk in the fresh air without worrying about crowds. The young blonde was improving every day but Kelly believed it would be nice for Sonny to go somewhere that didn’t make his whole body shake with fear.  
“I don’t know Kel”. But Kelly didn’t let Matt’s reluctance deter him, he’d been expecting the blonde to resist at first; he knew that Matt had never been one for spontaneity as he preferred to plan everything meticulously.   
“Why not Matt, give me one good reason?”  
“What about Sonny?he might panic about going somewhere unfamiliar”.  
“Then we’ll ask him about it first, but he used to travel around all the time, Plus I think he would benefit from a change of scenery”.  
“Kelly” whined Matt. But Kelly swore he could hear a hint of amusement in the blonde’s tone.  
“Come on Case, it’ll be fun”.  
“I-“ began Matt but no matter how hard he thought he couldn’t think of a valid reason not to go, Kelly was right it would be lovely to take a trip to the cabin.   
“You know what you’re right, let’s get away” Said Matt surprising himself, Kelly let out a cheer of victory as he beamed brightly at Matt.  
“So I’ll drop you off at home, then you and Sonny can pack while I get some necessities from the store” informed Kelly causing Matt to gape.  
“Hang on Kelly, when are you planning to go?” Questioned Matt his voice full of surprise once again.  
“Tonight”,  
“Tonight” repeated Matt incredulously.  
“why not?” reasponded Kelly; Matt shook his head, he’d never meant someone as impulsive as Kelly but he to admit the man’s unpredictable behaviour often led to wonderful moments.  
“Alright then, as long as Sonny’s ok with it”agreed Matt trying to hide his excitement, there was a time not so long ago when he believed the three of them would never spend time at the cabin again. 

The first time they went to the cabin was nearly a month after the two gave into their feelings for each other. The cabin quickly became their favourite place to escape, it was the one place they could express their affection for each other without fear. Kelly could still remember the happiness that fluttered through him when he realised he could hold Matt’s hand without fear of being judged. Back in Chicago Kelly was always afraid of being seen by one of his fathers friends, he never wanted Benny to find out for fear of losing him. Because if forced to pick between Benny and the love of his life, Kelly would pick Matt without hesitation every single time. But Kelly wasn’t the only one insisting they kept their relationship secret. Matt was always private when it came to his sexuality as a result of his parents cruel outdated beliefs. But when they were at the cabin they could be the couple they wanted to be, which was why they used to spend a large chunk of their time up there. Before Sonny’s disappearance they visited the cabin on most weekends between shifts and whenever they had furlough together, sometimes the went with Sonny and sometimes they went on their own, but time spent there was always perfect. The cabin was their little piece of heaven on earth.

As far as Benny was aware Kelly was just taking a friend up there, which wasn't entirely a lie. In fact his father didn’t even know Sonny and Matt were living with him again, come to think of it Matt hadn’t even told his own mother yet. But Kelly doubted Matt had any plans of changing that. Casey had once remarked that Sonny didn’t need Nancy; he had Cindy Hermann and she was more than enough. They still hadn’t reunited Sonny with the benevolent woman as they weren’t sure if Sonny was prepared to deal with the rest of the Hermann clan yet. But as soon as they believed the teen was ready they’d reunite him with the caring woman who had missed him terribly.   
-  
When they finally reached their street the two men instantly spotted Sonny. The teen was perched on the front porch eagerly awaiting their arrival, a thick blanket was draped over his shoulders. As he looked at the boy waiting eagerly for their arrival Kelly’s mind wandered to a memory that for so long had been a source of agony, a reminder of what he had lost.

-

After a house fire left a young girl in critical condition Kelly found himself in a dark place. He was tortured by the belief that if he had moved faster that maybe the little girl would be ok. In reality there was nothing more Kelly could’ve done but it didn’t stop the guilt swirling around inside of him. The guilt ridden firefighter had spent the entire day walking around aimlessly in an attempt to ease the storm raging inside his head. He didn’t want to go home until he knew he had a handle of his emotions, he didn’t want Sonny to have too see him so upset. He didn’t want the little boy to worry. Finally Kelly managed to calm himself down enough to return to their cozy apartment, but the injured girl and her terrified parents still weighed heavily on Kelly’s mind. Ever since Sonny’s birth calls involving children affected Matt and Kelly really badly. The mere thought of loosing sonny filled Kelly with dread, he couldn’t imagine what the girls parents were feeling. , Of course he had no idea back then that one day he’d know the pure fear of almost losing a child. 

When he reached their apartment he could hear the joyous sound of laughter before he even went inside. Immediately after he pushed open the door he was met with the sight of Sonny running happily around the apartment while Matt chased after him. A red blanket was draped over Sonny’s shoulders like a cape and his toy rabbit Robbie was tightly gripped in his hands.   
Before Kelly had a chance to say anything Sonny barrelled into his arms. Immediately Kelly picked the boy up and settled him in his hip.   
“What are you doing buddy?” Kelly asked softly hoping Sonny didn’t hear the strain in his voice.  
“I’m a hero, like you and mummy”announced the boy proudly, his blonde hair was sticking up in different directions and his cheeks were rosy from running around.   
“Hey what about me”called Matt feigning upset as he approached them, he offered Kelly a kind smile before turning his attention the little boy who was grinning wildly.   
“And Daddy” added the little boy in a soft tone that made Kelly’s heart melt.   
“I made a drawing for you” smiled the boy, as soon as his feet touched her he floor he rushed off into his bedroom, his cape flowing behind him.   
“How did we get so lucky?” Wondered Matt out loud as he pulled Kelly into a hug.  
“I have no idea”.

“Love you sonny”whispered Kelly as he tucked a tired sonny into bed later that night.  
“Love you Sevy” the boy yawned as he nestled into the warm blankets, as he held Robbie tightly to his chest the little rabbits head peaked out from underneath the cocoon of blankets. Despite the boy falling asleep quickly Kelly found himself unable to move from the room, he didn’t want to let Sonny out of his sight. After a few more minutes of watching Sonny sleeping peacefully Kelly summoned enough strength managed to pull himself out of the room.

“Thanks for letting me put him to bed tonight” said a Kelly as he dropped down next to Matt. They normally took it in turns reading the little boy his bedtime story because on the occasions they did it together the boy tended to get overexcited and take double the time to fall asleep. It had been Matts turn but knowing how much Kelly needed it he had happily let the other man do it. Who could’ve known that one day Matt’s kind considerate nature would lead to ten miserable years?  
“That’s ok, what’s going on in that head of yours?” Questioned Matt eyeing the tired man.   
“I couldn’t stop thinking about if it was Sonny”admitted Kelly brokenly as he stared at Matt with glassy eyes.   
“I know, but he’s safe Kelly, he’s safe and happy” assured Matt as he wrapped his arms tightly around the distressed firefighter . As he leant into the warm embrace Kelly allowed the walls he had built to collapse and he let his tears fall freely.  
“I love you kel, me and sonny aren’t going anywhere” promised Matt before planting a kiss on the man’s forehead. Feeling safe in the blonde’s arms Kelly continued to sob, he didn’t know what he would do without Matt.  
“We’re not going anywhere” promised Matt as gently wiped away Kelly’s tears, 

Two months later Matt’s words were proved wrong and Kelly faced his worst nightmare . He leant how it felt to have everything you loved ripped away shattering your heart in the process.

-

“He hasn’t really changed has he, he’s still our Sonny” mused Kelly as stared at the teen sat on the porch. Despite all the pain he’d been through he was still the little boy who raced around the living room and wanted nothing more than to save people, he was their little ray of sunshine. He was their son and he always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I promise I haven’t abandoned the TBI story line, it’s just going to come back later on.  
> I love writing flash backs with Sevasey and little Sonny, but if you find them boring just let me know ( I tend to get carried away). 
> 
> Have an awesome day, thank you for reading.   
> And thanks again for your supportive comments they really help me improve the story.


	19. Sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things change all the time, and it’s ok to long for the past sometimes, just never let it get in the way of the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> I’m sorry it was originally a lot longer but I’ve been struggling to focus. I cut out a small anecdote to make it easier and quicker to proof read and edit. But fear not the anecdote will appear soon.
> 
> Thank you for all the lovely feedback, hope you enjoy.

“How did it go?” Asked Sonny eagerly as soon as Matt stepped out of the car. He was anxiously tugging on the blanket Stella had draped over his shoulders, she had tried for ages to coax him inside but she had eventually accepted that the blonde wasn’t going to give in. She was still stood in the door way of the house watching Sonny carefully, but the teen was paying her no attention his focus was entirely on Matt.   
“I’m going to be fine Sonny, you have nothing to worry about” assured Matt but the young teen eyed him sceptically.   
“You’re sure?”,  
“Positive” replied Matt as he approached the young boy. Despite the man’s insistence’s Sonny still found himself filled with doubt. He could tell by Kelly’s tight smile that there was something they weren’t telling him. His eyes quickly scanned Matt looking for any sign that something was wrong but he couldn’t find anything. Finally Sonny’s shoulders slumped, Matt’s calm composure was unwavering. Therefore Sonny resigned himself to refrain from any further questioning for the time being, he knew from years of experience with Ryder that if someone was lying it was best to just play along with it and wait for them to inevitably slip up. Suddenly he felt Matt’s hand gently tipping his chin upwards, as his eyes locked with Matts his earlier fear returned. There was a warmth an a kindness in Casey’s eyes that had been sorely missing from Ryders. He didn’t want Matt to leave, now he knew how it felt to be truly loved he never wanted to loose that feeling again.   
“I don’t want to loose you” whispered the teen,   
“You’re not going to Sonny” Matt promised as he brushed the blonde straggly hair out of sonny’s eyes. He loved the boy more than anything in the world and he would never leave him by choice.  
-

-

As Kelly glanced at the back seat a small smile graced his lips,Matt was sat in the back with a sleepy sonny nestled against him. They’d started their journey over an hour ago with Matt in the front seat. The ups and doctor of the day had taken a toll on on Sonny and the young teen had succumbed to sleep within minutes of leaving their drive way. They had been on the road for only half an hour when Sonny began to whimper in his sleep; Kelly had promptly pulled the car over to allow Matt to join the distressed teen in the backseat. It was heartbreaking to know Sonny was still being plagued by horrible nightmares and it was even more painful to know that they stemmed from true memories. But at least they’d learnt how to comfort him, even when he woke up screaming hysterically they could always calm him down, which after a decade apart was a huge surprise.They’d earnt the boys trust but they still had a long way to go, there was still too many things they didn’t know about Sonny. The teen was trying hard to hide all of his scars both physical and mental. It scared Kelly to think what things Sonny was hiding from them and consequently dealing on his own. The teens secretive behaviour reminded Kelly far too much of Matt.

Lightly Matt carded his fingers through Sonny’s hair, they boy was pressing heavily against him but Matt didn’t mind. He’d sit there with his son forever if he could. When the car inevitably came to a stop Matt felt a pang of sadness, he wasn’t ready to wake Sonny, his reluctance was increased by the his knowledge that a peaceful sleep was a rare occurrence for the young blonde.  
“Hey Sonny we’re here” announced Matt gently shaking the teen. The tired boy let out a small moan before burying his head back into Matt’s shoulder. Before Matt could attempt to wake Sonny again Kelly’s soft voice cut through the air.   
“I’ll go set up the sofa bed quickly, then one of us can carry him inside”.  
“Good idea” agreed Matt and with that Kelly disappeared. 

When Kelly returned he gently eased Sonny off of Matt and held the boy in a sitting position long enough for Matt to manoeuvre himself out of the car. Once free Matt scooped the still sleeping teen into his arms. The boys light form and Matt’s experience as a firefighter meant that carrying Sonny was a relatively simple task. As he stepped inside the toasty Cabin Matt was hit with a wave of happiness, it was in that moment he realised how much he had missed the place that used to be there refuge from the outside world. 

Delicately Matt placed Sonny on the comfy sofa bed, Sonny gave out a small whine when Matt moved away. The teen began to stir at the loss of warmth but quickly settled down when Kelly covered him over with a thick quilt. Both men smiled at the sleeping boy, but as they looked over Sonny they were both hit by the reality of how different things were now. The last time they stayed at the cabin they read Sonny a bedtime story, before settling him and his toy rabbit Robbie onto a small blow up mattress in their room. At some point in the night the two men awoke to Sonny climbing up into their bed, and as they had done countless times before they lifted up the covers enough to allow the little boy to snuggle in between them. Now Sonny, no longer a bubbly four year old but a kind hearted teen was fast asleep on the sofa bed in the living room. All parents had to come to terms one day that there child had grown up but Matt had been robbed of watching Sonny grow, he’d missed so many milestones and memories that even tough Sonny was alive and well he sometimes found himself grieving for his four year old son.

Once all the bags were inside the two men were hit by the other major difference from the last time they were at the cabin.   
“where did you put that air bed you brought?” Asked Matt as he rummaged through their bags,  
“Air bed?” Asked Kelly confusion evident in his tone.  
“Yeah, the one you were supposed to buy when you went shopping” Matt reminded, as they were no longer a couple he had asked Kelly to purchase an air bed, as they wouldn’t be sharing a bed like they used to.   
“Oh it uh sort of slipped my mind” Kelly admitted sheepishly causing Matt to freeze.  
“Please tell me your kidding” said Matt as he looked up at Kelly annoyance creeping into his expression.   
“I got distracted, I was just excited we were going away” explained Kelly like a child who’d forgotten to do his homework,   
“You got distracted, where am I going to sleep Kel?” asked Matt an exasperated look on his face. Kelly remained silent for a few seconds until all of the sudden a cheesy grin broke out across his face.   
“Well I suppose it’ll have to be like old times”. He had really missed waking up to Matt every morning, his heart was bursting at the prospect of being able to listen to the gentle snores of the blonde once again, being able to soak in the others man warmth and comfort.   
“But what about sonny, I don’t want to leave him in a strange place on his own”Matt responded as he gestured to the sleeping teen.  
“Matt he’s exhausted, he’ll sleep in until at least ten and if he has a nightmare we’ll hear it”, Kelly understood Matt’s worry but realistically sharing a bed was their only option, unless Matt intended to sleep on the floor which come to think of it wouldn’t actually surprise Kelly.   
“I don’t know” sighed Matt, and Kelly looked at the man in surprise. He really had expected stubborn Matt to end up sleeping on the floor next to the sofa bed.  
“I’ll leave the door open, if he so much as rolls over your hear it” referring to the fact the sofa bed was incredibly old and had a tendency to creak at the slightest moment.   
“Oh well i guess it’s our only option” replied Matt in mock annoyance, inside he was exploding with glee much like Kelly.   
“You guess do you? I’m not sure if I want to share a bed with that attitude ” responded Kelly folding his arms across his chest. The dark haired man’s heart leaped when Matt leaned in close, he could feel Matt’s warm breath grazing his ear.  
“Like you’d pass up on that, you missed sharing a bed with me” remarked Matt before pulling away and flashing Kelly a mischievous smile.   
“I did, I missed you” breathed Kelly. He knew Matt would never really understand how much he had been missed but he wanted to spend the rest of life making sure he knew how much he was loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Don’t worry more Matt and Kelly fluff soon. I think the cabin trip will likely span at least two more chapters. It’s the perfect opportunity for lots of fluff, angst and healthy character development. 
> 
> Hope you have a good day.


	20. Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Kelly are used to facing hate but they’re not sure if they can carry on any longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> I know this chapter is a little rough but I’ve had this flashback in my head for a while, and I thought it was a realistic demonstration of the problems the couple would face. 
> 
> I know I’m taking it slow, please tell me if it’s dragging on.
> 
> TW- homophobia.

The cabin was deathly silent when Kelly felt the warm weight against his chest shift. He let out a sigh as he realised Matt had awaken to check on his son who was sleeping peacefully in the other room. A quick glance at the bedside clock told him it was only three am, despite the early hour Matt had already checked on Sonny four times since they’d gone to bed.  
“Hey Matty” called Kelly gently rubbing circles on the other man’s upper arm in an attempt to distract him. He understood the other man’s anxiety but he wished Matt would at least try to get a good night sleep.  
“Hi Kel” Matt replied sleepily as he pressed his head up against Kelly’s shoulder.  
“You ok?” laughed Kelly as the other man let out a yawn.  
“Mm tired” sighed Matt and Kelly didn’t doubt it for one second , he could feel the pressure against his shoulder increasing as Matt’s body began to give in to exhaustion.  
“Then go back to sleep”,  
“I need to check on Sonny” declared Matt attempting to roll out of bed but his efforts were stopped by Kelly. The dark haired man pressed his hand against Matt’s chest pinning the tired blonde in place.  
“He’ll be fine Matt” promised Kelly, he knew if Matt got up now he’d continue doing it for the rest of the night.  
“No I-“ began Matt but he was interrupted by a yawn.  
“I’ll go Matt” said Kelly as he climbed out of bed, he hoped Matt would succumb to sleep during his absence.  
“Thanks Kel” called Matt but the other man was already gone. 

As Kelly entered the living room he found Sonny sprawled out on the sofa bed dead to the world. Kelly would have done anything for Matt to be in the same state as his son but he understood the man’s nerves. The last time he and Matt had shared a bed the blonde had cried himself to sleep; he’d wake up in the middle of the night calling out for Sonny.  
Also Kelly suspected checking on Sonny at night regularly wasn’t a new thing, Casey had probably been routinely checking on Sonny back home ,but as they were in separate rooms Kelly had been unaware.

When Kelly reentered the bedroom he chuckled at the lump under the duvet and the small tuft of blonde hair sticking out. Carefully Kelly attempted to move the blonde over to give himself more space.  
“Sonny ok?” Mumbled Matt. As soon as Kelly settled back down in the bed Matt found his way into the man’s arms. Kelly felt elated, he’d dreamt of holding Matt in his arms for ten years. Every night he spent on the sofa bed at Matt’s derelict house during the years of Sonny’s disappearance had been soul crushing. Some nights he’d even sit outside Matt’s bedroom. He’d press his back up against the door and listen to the sound of Matt’s heartbroken cries. Resisting the urge to barge into the room and pull Matt into a tight embrace had been nearly impossible, but years of experience had told Kelly that Matt would only push him away and pretend everything was ok. And the worse thing for Matt would've been to bottle up his feelings and suppressing the urge to cry, so instead Kelly spent many nights listening to Matt’s tormented cries as he begged for a brighter tomorrow. 

“He’s fast asleep Matt” informed Kelly.  
“Good” slurred Matt as he nuzzled his head into Kelly’s shoulder. The blonde’s next words made Kelly’s heart flutter in a way he thought it never would again.  
“Love you Kel” muttered Matt with a smile.  
“I love you too Matty”.

The rest of the night passed by peacefully, and the next time Kelly opened his eyes sunlight was streaming into the small room.  
“Morning” greeted Kelly when he noticed two blue eyes looking at him fondly.  
“How’d you sleep ?” Asked the blonde, a giant smile was spread across Matt’s face, unbeknownst to Kelly Matt had been watching him for the past ten minutes.  
“The best I have in years” admitted Kelly as he ran his fingers through Matt’s hair.  
“So how does this work?” Questioned Matt his suddenly tense tone caused Kelly to freeze.  
“How does what work?” He asked unnerved by the abrupt change in Matt’s demeanour .  
“Us, what happens when we go back to Chicago?” Asked Matt.  
“I don’t know” whispered Kelly, he knew what he really wanted to say but he wasn’t sure Matt was ready. He wished he could tell Matt that he wanted the rest of their lives to be full of moments like the previous night, he didn’t want to loose the love of his life again.  
“I don’t want to go back to sleeping in separate beds, I don’t want to be just friends again”, Kelly’s heart leapt at the blonde’s admission. His worries of his love being unrequited were seemingly wrong.  
“Me neither” said Kelly as he planted a kiss on Matt’s forehead.  
“But what about sonny?” ,  
“What about him Matty? I’m sure he’ll understand”.  
“But we don’t know what Ryder’s beliefs were” cried Matt and suddenly a wave of understanding washed over Kelly.m  
“We don't know if he was” Matt trailed off, but Kelly knew what he meant. They didn’t know if Ryder was like Matt’s father or like many firefighters in the CFD. They had no idea if Ryder was homophobic or not . Meaning there was a chance the boy they loved more than anything in the world could’ve of been raised to hate them.  
“I know” whispered Kelly, his words fill of raw sadness. Both he and Matt had dealt with the hate of others time and time again but it always hurt a million times more when it came from family. His own father had simply seen it as a career ending move and saw coming out as an instant end to a successful life, he once remarked that any one with a bit of sense would keep it to themselves. Where as Matt’s father had pushed his homophobic beliefs onto Matt for years, meaning Matt had struggled deeply with his sexuality for a very long time. Which was why it had hurt so much when Kelly rejected him because it had taken Matt so many sleepless nights to gather the courage to admit his love for Kelly, only to be rejected.

Even after becoming a couple they kept relationship hidden but once or twice they had let things slip. Leading to some rather unfortunate encounters, one in particular would always stick in the two men’s minds. 

The incident had occurred during a call not long after both Matt and Kelly made lieutenant and when Sonny was a lively three year old staying with Cindy Hermann. Both engine and squad had been called to a house fire but a few seconds after they arrived another engine from a different house turned up. Much to Matt’s chagrin they decided to work the call together. Surprising the rescue itself had been easy, both houses worked fast and cooperated well with each other. But once the victims were put safely in the ambulance everything went down hill. Casey and his crew had been packing up their equipment when one of the firefighter’s approached him, a rather nasty man named Welch.  
“Hey Casey how’s that little boy of yours doing ?” Called Welch in a slimy voice that made Matt’s skin crawl.  
“He’s good” the blonde had answered curtly as he worked as swiftly as he could, he desperately wanted to get away from Welch. The other firefighter nodded before a dark look appeared on his face.  
“Yeah, I saw you and Kelly in the park with him the other day. How does his mother feel about him being raised by a -“, One word, one vile word was all it took for Casey to snap. It was a word that had been thrown at him time and time again through his entire childhood, a word that was only ever spoken with venom and disgust. That word was all it took for Matt to let go of his restraint long enough to send his fist hurdling towards the other man. The next few minutes were all a blur to Casey, he vaguely remembered feeling someone pulling him back but he couldn’t remember who. 

The next clear thing he remembered was standing in Boden’s office. Kelly was pacing back and forth as he clenched and unclenched his fists trying to rid himself of his rage. However Matt’s anger has been replaced by a deep self loathing as he found his mind replaying every time he’d heard thar vile word. 

“How do you want to deal with this Casey?” Boden’s inquired gently, his expression was calm and there was a warm sympathetic look in his eyes.  
“What do you mean chief?” A confused Matt had asked, after causing such a scene he was sure he was at risk of being suspended.  
“What he said wasn’t right Matt, we could take this matter to-“  
“ No” Matt and Kelly yelled in unison . Reporting welch therefore taking the matter higher up the chain command would risk Benny learning their secret, something both men had worked hard to prevent.  
“Ok” nodded Boden, he understood that neither of the men wanted to risk Benny finding out. They’d sacrificed a lot already to keep their relationship hidden; Welch wasn’t throwing all their hard work away.  
“Take the rest of shift off” continued Boden and instantly Matt shot him a pleading look, the blonde desperately needed to work through the horrible memories he was reliving.  
“Chief” began Kelly always one to defend his partner.  
“And you Kelly, you know we all support you but you’re no use to me right now, you’re both too angry” reasoned chief and deep down both men knew he was right but that didn’t stop them from arguing.  
“But-“,  
“Go spend some time together” interrupted chief in a tone that left no room for negotiations.  
“And lieutenants” he called before they could leave his office.  
“What you two have is really special, don’t let a man like Tommy Welch take that away from you”.

As Kelly revelled in the close contact between him and Matt he remembered Boden’s words.  
“No matter what happens Matt we’ll find a way, we always do”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry updating has been slow, I’ve been conflicted over the chapters for the cabin trip. I’ve got one scenario which would lead to a lot of angst and putting the trio through pain again, or different scenario which is just pure fluff. So as I debate with myself writing often takes a lot longer.Sorry.
> 
> Spoiler alert-
> 
> Sonny’s definitely not homophobic, I just wanted to demonstrate some of Matt’s fears
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Have a great day.


	21. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Absorbed by fear and focused on misguided ideas of what it means to be strong Sonny makes a grave mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry for the delay in updating. Also the next update may be a while as I go back to school tomorrow. Which is also why the proofreading for this chapter was a little rushed. Please tell me if I’ve made any serious errors, I greatly appreciate any advice especially when it comes to grammar (as that’s something I struggle greatly with). Thank you for reading and bearing with me. 
> 
> TW - description of injury, eg blood.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Initially Sonny was filled with terror when he awoke to find himself in a strange place. But as his eyes swept frantically over his surroundings he was reminded of their trip to the cabin. He rubbed his eyes clumsily before leaving the comfort of the warm cozy sofa bed. He walked around aimlessly smiling at the quirky cabin as memories began to flood back. When he stopped outside a tall wooden door, he could hear the soft sound of voices, once he managed to make out the words he began to move away as he realised he was intruding on something private, but Matt’s next question to Kelly stopped him in his tracks.  
“But what about sonny?” The young teen tilted his head at the question, what about him? What did that mean, were they going to leave him behind. But when he then heard Matt mention something about Ryder and his beliefs a frown appeared on Sonny’s face. He felt a twinge of sadness in his head when it dawned on him what Matt meant.They were afraid Ryder was homophobic, something which Sonny almost found laughable because Ryder didn’t care about anything like that , he didn’t care about anything like that race, sexuality, beliefs as long as you didn’t go poking around in his life he really didn’t care who you were. Ryder wasn’t the sort of person to waste time judging others. And Sonny, well he had never met anyone to judge. Admittedly it had taken Sonny a while to realise what Matt and Kelly meant to each other. He thought they acted like friends would normally act as he had nothing to compare them to. He didn’t say anything when he realised they definitely didn’t love each other like brothers because to him it hadn’t changed anything, they were happy and that was all that mattered.but now as listened to the fear in Matt’s voice he realised that might have been a mistake. 

He would put them out of there misery later ; for now he’d leave them to enjoy their time together. Therefore he moved his attention to the large window in the living room he’d originally ignored. He felt his breath catch as he pulled open the curtains revealing the stunning woods surrounding the cabin.  
“Wow” he gasped as he sat down on the windowsill, his eyes fixated on the vast green woods.

That’s how Matt and Kelly found him half an hour later, leaning against the window with a giant smile spreading across his face.  
“Everything alright Sonny?” Asked Kelly a hint of amusement in voice.  
“This place is amazing” Sonny exclaimed , the teen was wearing an expression of pure joy that filled Kelly with happiness.  
“It really is” the firefighter replied as he crouched down next to the elated teen.  
“We used to come here before?” asked Sonny his attention still glued to the window.  
“Yeah we did it, it was like our second home”, Kelly wondered if the cabin would go back to being their little paradise now that they were all together again. A few minutes later Sonny’s voice pierced through Kelly’s musings,  
“I’m sorry I don’t remember”, Sonny’s words were lace with a sincerity that made Kelly’s heartbreak, the boy really had inherited Matt’s need to take responsibility for everything bad.  
“Hey don’t worry, I can’t remember anything from when I was four years old” chuckled Kelly as he rested a hand on the boy’s shoulder.  
“Yeah but you’re ol-“ Sonny stopped abruptly as he took in Kelly’s surprised expression.  
“older”, but Kelly wasn’t surprised at the boy calling him old he was surprised and incredibly relieved that the boy no longer felt he need to walk on eggshells, he would never have made such a comment a few weeks ago.  
“Nice save Kiddo” Kelly laughed as he ruffled the boys hair, everyday they were introduced to a new piece of Sonny, it often felt like a slow and tedious process but they they really had come along way after only a couple of months. 

-

“Can I help?” Asked Sonny hopefully when he noticed Matt in the kitchen settling out the ingredients for pancakes.  
“Of course ” replied Matt with a grin. Matt doubted the teen had ever cooked when living with Ryder but over the past few weeks he seemed to enjoy helping out, in fact the boy appeared extremely relaxed in the kitchen. But Matt was starting to wonder if it was less about Sonny enjoying cooking and more about him being able to keep his mind occupied with a task.  
“Soon you’ll be a better chef than Matt” teased Kelly.  
“Hey!” Yelled Matt as he flicked some powder at the firefighter. They’d all missed moments like this, despite being through hell they were beginning to feel like a family again. 

After breakfast they went for a long peaceful walk through the beautiful woods surrounding the cabin. Something about being in the woods made Sonny feel safe and calm. It was just him and the two people he trusted most in the world, it was like nothing else existed. He didn’t think he’d ever felt this calm before not even during their walks in the park. The woods were far from quiet , he could hear the leaves rustling and the sound of birds chirping but there were no strangers to worry about. He wished he could they could stay there forever.

As they trekked back towards their cabin Sonny’s mind began to wander. He remembered walking through a dark wood once before but not with Matt or Kelly, no he remembered hiding in the woods with Ryder. Sonny’s body stilled and his skin itched as the memory flashed through his mind, it was something he’d worked hard to forget. It went against the image of Ryder he’d built up in his head a long time ago. Subconsciously sonny ran his fingers through his hair as he gazed into the distance. He was paying no attention to the fact he was stumbling closer and closer to the edge of the path, teetering dangerously on the edge of a small hill. After a while his hand found it’s way to the scar on the back of his neck that ran down to the top of his back. It was the one time he’d seen Ryder scared, no not scared, terrified. Suddenly fear jolted through Sonny as he felt a hand on his shoulder, but as he recoiled his foot landed unsteadily on the ground and he suddenly found himself falling down the rocky hill, scraping his left side during his descent into a muddy ditch. 

“Sonny” he heard someone yell when he found himself staring up at the sky partly obscured by the magnificent trees. He took in a few shaky breaths as he tried to ignore the burning sensation spreading over his left side,  
“I’m fine” mumbled Sonny as he pushed himself up so he could see a concerned Matt and Kelly running down the small hill towards him. He tore his gaze away from the men and groaned as his eyes landed on the large rip in his T-shirt,  
“I’m Sorry” he apologised quickly, he remembered how annoyed Ryder would get when he ruined his clothes, he hoped Matt wouldn’t mind too much.  
“Don’t be sorry Sonny, can I see ?” Asked Matt in a gentle voice as he moved towards Sonny but the boy placed his arm over the gash as he shuffled backwards. He didn’t need them to worry anymore, he’d already caused enough concern over the past decade.  
“Mm fine just some cuts, nothing I can’t handle” he replied in a clipped tone.  
“Sonny please” begged Matt, all the blonde wanted to do was help his son.  
“It’s fine honestly”.  
“Kiddo -“ began Kelly but the teen abruptly cut him off.  
“I just slipped, I’m fine” repeated Sonny but both Matt and Kelly him a sceptical look.  
“Honestly I’m fine, I just need to clean it once we get back ” the teen reasoned ; Sonny could still see Matt trying to suppress the urge to reach out.  
“Ok then, we’re not far from the cabin now anyway” responded Matt after what felt like an eternity to Sonny. As the blonde rose to his feet and began stumbling back down he path Matt’s voice cut through the air once more.  
“But Sonny, if you need help just ask, we won’t be mad”, Sonny just nodded his head robotically as he doubted the man’s words. He didn’t need Matt’s help anyway, Ryder taught him how to deal with his own injuries, he always told sonny “if you’re old enough to complain you’re old enough to fix the problem your damn self”

\- 

But as Sonny stood in the bathroom looking down at his injury he felt helpless. He knew he needed to remove the dirt sticking in the cut but reaching the injury required him to twist his aching body. He did his best to clean up the wound but there was still dirt and gravel lodged in the gash when he pulled his t-shirt back on. Matt had given him a bandage to put over the injury but after three failed attempts at securing it he’d thrown it into the bin. It’ll be ok, it’s not that bad it’ll be ok Sonny repeated in his head like some of mantra. He could cope fine on his own, he wasn’t weak. He’d prove Ryder he was strong, he’d be the man Ryder always wanted him to be.

That night Sonny frequently woke up drenched in sweat and shivering violently. Each time he’d curl up as tight as he could without hurting his side any further, and he’d wait miserably for sleep to claim him. When he opened his eyes to fund sunlight starting to pour into the room his whole body felt as if it was on fire. Sluggishly he moved himself to the edge of the bed ; before he could act any further a wave of nausea washed over him, he screwed his eyes shut as he waited for the horrible sensation to pass. When the nausea eventually eased Sonny attempted to lift his t-shirt off but the movement sent a spike of pain through his already aching body. Finally he managed to remove his t-shirt and he grimaced as his eyes landed on the angry gash on his side that was now oozing a yellow liquid. Realising he had only one option he scrambled to his feet and stumbled towards the bedroom. He didn’t even bother to knock instead he leant heavily on the door as he pushed it open , he almost lost his balance when the door swung open faster than he expected. Immediately Sonny felt two concerned pairs of eyes on him, they must have heard him stumbling around because Matt was only a few steps away from the door, it looked like he was on his way to check on him. Sonny wished he’d stayed put, he should’ve stayed in bed and waited for the pain to pass.  
“Sonny what’s going on?” Questioned a concerned Matt. The older blonde’s eyes filled with horror when they landed on the nasty infected gash marring Sonny’s side.  
“Mm sorry” mumbled Sonny hot tears started running down his face as he struggled to keep his eyes open. How could he have been so stupid to end up in this mess?  
“It’s ok Kiddo, lets get you sat down alright”, Sonny was thankful as Matt slowly led him over to the bed, he didn’t think he would’ve lasted standing up much longer.  
“We need to get him the hospital Matt, that’s infected” announced Kelly and Sonny found himself wishing he was back home listening to dark haired man reading.  
“Sorry ruined” sobbed the boy struggling to think straight as darkness began to cloud his mind.  
“Shh Sonny you didn’t ruin anything” soothed Matt but Sonny continued to let out a series of sobs, each one weaker than the last. Accepting that calming Sonny would be impossible the two men decided to focus on keeping alert and getting him the help he urgently needed.  
“I’m going to lift you up now, ok?”, Sonny let our a small groan when he found his head leaning against Matt’s shoulder. His body felt heavy and he was struggling to keep his eye lids open, but there was one thing he had to say before he could give into the overwhelming urge to let go.  
“Mm sorry Dad” he mumbled hoping Matt heard him despite his strangled voice.  
“It’s ok, everything’s going to be just fine Sonny ”, When Matt’s calming response reached his ears he finally let his body give into exhaustion. 

-

A horrific beeping noise accompanied by the sound of voices pierced through the fog clouding Sonny’s mind. The blonde pressed his head into the soft item underneath him but it did nothing to drown out the noise. He could hear the sound of footsteps walking past and his heart began to race as he struggled to work out where he was. He attempted to open his eyes but it was no use. He needed Matt, where was Matt? He definitely wasn’t in Matt’s arms anymore so where was he?. He tried to focus on finding his dad but loud noises continued to intrude on his already muffled thoughts. As his body continued to ache he focused all of his energy on forming one word.  
“Daddd” murmured Sonny his voice sounding rough as the word escaped.  
“It’s ok I’m here Kiddo” called a warm voice but that wasn’t enough to soothe Sonny. When he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder he attempted to move closer towards the touch, he attempted to move himself off the bed but his body felt heavy and clumsy; he could feel wires pulling on him as he searched out for Matt. He must have triggered an alarm as a deafening shrieking noise vibrated through the room. Sonny’s entire body tensed and he began to sob as he longed to be safe in Matt’s arms again .  
“No Sonny you have to stay in the bed” he heard Matt state firmly as someone tentatively pushed him back down onto the mattress .  
“Please” whined the boy feeling utterly helpless. He wanted this nightmare to end.

Next thing Sonny knew a strong arm wrapping around him and gently moving his head. As the horrible beeping was replaced by the steady rhythm of Matt’s heart Sonny allowed his body to relax once again.  
“Don’t leave” murmured Sonny as his mind began to drift again.  
“Shh, I’m not going any where” comforted Matt but Sonny was too tired and caught up in fear to listen.  
“Don’t leave Dad” he begged as tears continued to roll down his face. Everyone he loved left him eventually but he wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to loose Matt, he didn’t want to feel empty and lost again . He didn’t want to lose the support and happiness he had secretly craved for ever since Eve’s death.  
“Shh, Sonny I’ve got you, you’re safe”. As Matt carded his fingers through Sonny’s hair the young teens crying began to slow. Eventually he found himself drifting off into a dreamless sleep as listened to Matt’s reassurances.  
“Don’t worry Sonny I’ll keep you safe”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I’m evil but good things will come of this chapter. There will be plenty of angst and whump when I focus on Matt’s reaction to Sonny’s injury. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed and thanks for the kind comments they brighten my day.
> 
> *Sorry during my rush to post I left a few things unclear so it’s since been updated slightly.  
> Have a great day.


	22. Failure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Guilt begins to eat at Matt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bleak chapter but things will get better.  
> I had a quiet first day back at school so I managed to write this quickly.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.  
> TW- hospital visit

Gently Matt continued to card his fingers through Sonny’s hair as the boy slowly drifted of to sleep. He had to take extra care not to hit Sonny’s side or any of the wires and tubes connected to the poor boy. The only reason the nurses had allowed Matt to get up onto the bed was because they’d learnt the hard way how distressed Sonny could get if he was afraid he’d been abandoned.  
“He woke up again?” Asked Kelly as he entered the room holding two paper cups full of hot coffee. Returning to find Matt up on the bed with Sonny didn’t shock Kelly. The distressed teen had been drifting in and out of consciousness for the past two days, but they’d been in the ICU for over double that time.  
“Yeah, he still didn’t seem to understand what was going on” informed Matt with a dejected expression that made Kelly want to pull him into a hug. Kelly placed the cups down on a small bedside table and took a seat up close next to the bed.  
“It’s going to be ok Matt, you heard the Doctors his condition is improving everyday . He’ll be alert and chatting to us in no time”. There was quite a lot of the truth in Kelly’s words, the teen was no longer pale or clammy, and he was no longer seizing like he had been during their first day at the hospital, but as Matt stared down at his fragile son it was impossible to think of a future where everything would be ok.  
“You said that the first time he woke up” Matt replied as he gently shifted Sonny into a more comfortable position. Watching Sonny wake up for the first time had been a horrific experience Kelly never wanted to think about again. The young blonde had been unable to form any words so instead he let out a series of pained whines as tears streamed down his face. As the boy gained more energy he began to thrash until the nurses had no other choice than to sedate him. The next few times Sonny woke up were just as horrible. When Sonny dislodged his IV for the fifth time the nurse’s finally gave in and allowed Matt to climb up onto the bed, since then Sonny hadn’t dislodged anymore tubes but he was still extremely unhappy whenever he regained consciousness.  
Unfortunately they weren’t at Chicago meaning they were also unfamiliar with the staff, but after finding out about Sonny’s condition Dr Charles had contacted the hospital and explained anything important that wasn’t already in Sonny’s file. After Sonny’s doctor’s conversation with the psychiatrist the amount of people on Sonny’s case had been limited as much as possible,in order to prevent the teen from getting overwhelmed by meeting too many different people. But sadly there was nothing they could do about moving Sonny out of the loud busy ICU as it was the safest place for him to be; he was in a small private room but the alarms and doctors could still be heard from inside. 

“He’s doing better now Matty” comforted Kelly as he looked down at Sonny. The boy looked so small lying in Matt’s arms. As Kelly looked at the star covered hospital gown hanging off the young boy he was reminded of just how young Sonny was, Kelly constantly found himself thinking about Sonny when he was four years and about all the years they’d lost, consequently Kelly often forgot that Sonny was only fourteen.  
“I don’t know what to do Kel, I thought he was doing better” cried Matt and Kelly understood that the tired man wasn’t talking about Sonny’s physical condition anymore. Ever since the teen had been admitted Matt had been berating himself for not checking on the teen more frequently . Sadly years of experience had taught Kelly that there was nothing he could say to stop Matt from blaming himself.  
“Matt he came to us” reminded Kelly as he reached out and clasped Matt’s free hand in his own.  
“Fifteen hours too late” Matt spat back. Both men kept thinking about how if they had cleaned up the scrape straight away they would be at the cabin laughing and playing board games, instead of sitting in a gloomy hospital room. But Kelly tried his best to stay positive while Matt found himself drowning in guilt.  
“But he still came to get our help Matty”. Despite how much pain he had been in Sonny still managed to gather the strength to stumble into their room; that fact was what gave Kelly hope for a normal happy life.  
“We almost lost him for good” Matt whispered his voice cracking as he struggled to keep in his tears.  
“But we didn’t, he’s still here”, as he spoke Kelly tentatively wiped away the tears that were had started to escape from Matt’s sorrowful eyes.  
“He’s a fighter just like his father” a deep voice cut in and the two men turned their attention to the man stood in the door way. Boden had arrived a few hours after getting the call that Sonny was in the hospital, ever since his arrival he had been keeping a close eye on the two men. He made sure they left the tiny hospital room occasionally to get cleaned up or to at least catch a few hours of sleep. They were staying at a hotel a few minutes away from the hospital but the room had barely been used, one man would stay in the hospital while the other showered quickly and slept for a few hours. Neither of the men wanted to leave the young boys side but Boden had been insistent that they didn’t let their own physical and mental states decline. He’d seen Matt neglect himself far too many time because of guilt and misplaced blame; Boden was determined not to let Matt fade away this time. 

-

“I’m not hungry” Matt gritted out as he eyed the sandwich in front of him in disgust. It had been a few hours since Sonny had last woken up in a panic and Boden had finally managed to drag Matt into the cafeteria for a long overdue break.  
“Matt when was the last time you had something to eat?”  
“Sonny-“ began Matt but the blonde was promptly cut off my Boden raising his hand.  
“He’s with Kelly, Matt you have to look after yourself” insisted Boden as he pushed Matt’s plate closer towards the exhausted father.  
“I can’t lose him again” breathed Matt his voice shaking with fear. Boden nodded softly in understanding. He hated seeing Matt so tormented and worried but he remembered how terrified he’d been after Terrance was born. It had been agonising to watch Terrance fight for his life, but finally after a week of hell his little boy had pulled through . He couldn’t imagine how Matt had felt being separated from Sonny for ten excruciating years or how it felt to almost lose him again only a few months after finding him.  
“You’re doing a good job Matt” assured Boden as he placed a gentle hand on Matt’s shoulder.  
“He’s lying in the ICU” yelled Matt but the ex-firefighter’s anger evaporated quickly as Matt slumped down onto the table.  
“That’s not your fault Matt” . Boden rose from his chair and crouched down next to the broken man.  
“I knew he was hurt, I should’ve -“  
“Forced him into letting you help, Matt from what I’ve heard he’s an awful lot like you, he’s stubborn. If you demanded him to let you help he only would have pushed you away”.  
“He doesn’t trust me, I failed him and Hallie” sobbed Matt as he buried his head in his hands.  
“The boy who keeps calling out for you and will only settle when he hears your voice doesn’t trust you?” Replied Boden forcing a chuckle as he gently rubbed the back of Matt’s neck. He loved Matt like a son but he knew all to well that a sense of self-worth was something the blonde had never possessed.  
“I’m his dad he should feel safe about coming to me if he’s hurt” came Matt’s muffled response.  
“Matt he was kidnapped, he spent ten years being raised by someone we’ve never met. We have no idea what he was taught”, but Matt only shook his head, he’d heard the same thing from Kelly but he didn’t believe it. He was Sonny’s father he was supposed to protect him, but so far his son’s life has been one big tragedy.  
“He deserves better” sobbed Matt.  
“ No Matt, you’re an amazing father” Boden responded as he pushed passed the lump in his throat, he would do anything to take Matt’s pain away.  
Despite Boden’s attempts to calm him all Matt could think about was how much pain Sonny was in, he’d failed his little boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise things are going to get better. You can’t have light without darkness. 
> 
> Any criticism welcome.  
> Thank you so much for the kind comments.  
> Have a great day.


	23. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We need you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I spent Saturday writing this chapter with the intention of proof reading and posting on Sunday, but when I opened up the document yesterday morning the whole chapter was gone. It turned out to be a good thing I think, this chapter is nicer than my original plan. But it’s less detailed sorry.  
> Please tell me know if there are any annoying mistakes, I did proofread a lot but I know I’m not always the best. I greatly appreciate any help to better my writing, 
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy.

Slowly the sounds of the ICU flooded into Matt’s ears sending shivers down his spine, but once he registered the warm weight on his chest all of his worries melted away. He opened his eyes and smiled softly at his sleeping son, before turning his attention to the man sat in the chair beside him. The other man was yet to notice that he was wide awake; Kelly was too focused on the crossword in his hand. But Matt didn’t mind in fact he loved being able to sit and watch Kelly. He loved the way Kelly would mouth each question before furrowing his brow in concentration; most of all Matt loved the bright spark that appeared in Kelly’s eyes every time his mind supplied an answer.  
“Hey” greeted Kelly when he noticed to blue eyes observing him.  
“What are you doing here? I thought Boden dragged you back to the hotel for the night” questioned Matt softly. The blonde greatly appreciated Boden’s presence over the past few days even if he didn’t show it. Even after so many years of working with Boden Matt still found himself wondering why the other cared so much. His own parents never gave a damn about him, so why did Boden? Kelly always told him not to dwell on it too much but some days Matt couldn’t stop himself. What did Boden see him that his parents didn’t? Matt’s sullen trail of thought was interrupted by Kelly flashing him a mischievous grin.  
“I escaped” Kelly responded and for the first time in over a week Matt found himself chuckling.  
“How long have you been sat there?” He inquired as his eyes darted to the clock on the far wall, it was only eight am.  
“A few hours now” admitted Kelly and there was something unreadable in his expression that made Matt frown.  
“I’m surprised the nurses let you in that early”,  
“I used my wonderful charm” Kelly smiled causing Mat to roll his eyes, his previous worries completely forgotten. Maybe if Matt had questioned Kelly further the other man would’ve told him the truth, that the nurses allowing Kelly in so early had nothing to do with his charm but everything to do with the fact he turned up with tears streaming down his face after a night plagued by nightmares. Matt would never know how Kelly’s optimistic views had briefly slipped away or how it took Boden holding him a strong hug to bring his mind back to reality. Matt would never know how broken Kelly had been but maybe somethings are better off being kept secret.

-  
A few hours passed by and Matt found himself alone, even though he knew Kelly would be back in less than five minutes he found himself craving the others mans presence. They’d barely spoken to each other since their conversation in the morning ,as both men were too tired to think straight but there was something about being in the same room that was incredibly comforting.  
“Dad” a small voice called suddenly bringing Matt out of his thoughts.  
“Right here Kiddo” soothed Casey gently moving Sonny so the young boy’s eyes locked with his. The teens eyes were filled with confusion and he kept moving his head as if he was searching for something. As the boy reached for his IV Matt gently grasped the the boy’s wrist, he’d acted fast as he’d been anticipating the action.  
“Leave that alone Sonny it’s making you better ” comforted Matt but the teen wasn’t concentrating, the boy’s eyes darted around the room before he uttered one word which tugged Matt’s heart strings.  
“Oh Sonny he’s fine, he’s in the bathroom, I’m not surprised after the five cups of coffees he’s had already” chuckled Matt in an attempt to lighten the mood but instead a look of sadness swept across Sonny’s face.  
“Messed up” choked out the boy as he realised where they were.  
“No Sonny it’s ok, don’t worry about any of that now” comforted Matt but Sonny continued to shake his head.  
“Weak” cried the boy and Matt felt his heart shatter.  
“No Sonny you’re the strongest kid I know” Matt assured as he gently rubbed Sonny’s back. However the boy continued to repeated the heartbreaking word while tears streamed down his face.  
“You’re a fighter just like your dad” announced a voice and Matt felt Sonny’s body relax.  
“Thought left” mumbled the boy his voice barely above a whisper. Instinctively Kelly positioned himself on the edge of the bed and gently stroked the boys arm.  
“You’re never getting away from me kid”,  
“Messed up” cried Sonny his eyes full of pain that made Matt feel sick.  
“I’m going to let you into a secret” began Kelly and both Matt and Sonny gave Kelly a questioning look.  
“We need you a hell of a lot more than you need us” admitted Kelly, but he knew the little boy would never know how true his words were. 

-

One night Kelly had been busy tidying up the living room after a hectic day with three year old Sonny. It had been just him and the little blonde as Matt was covering for the truck lieutenant on third shift. Fear had cascaded over Kelly when he was interrupted by the phone ringing, most of the call was a blur to Kelly the only thing his brain had registered was the fact Matt was in hospital. Frantically he’d called Cindy Herman but unfortunately she didn’t answer and Hallie was busy on shift, not wanting to waste any time searching for someone to look after Sonny Kelly picked up Sonny and wrapped him up in a pale blue dressing gown before heading for the hospital. The little boy was still fast asleep and holding tightly onto his plush toy rabbit.

After speaking to a doctor who informed him Matt was being seen to Kelly was left standing in the middle of the ER with a sleepy Sonny resting on his hip. One of the nurses had recognised Sonny and offered to take the little boy while Kelly waited for more information on Matt but the boy had clung tightly onto him, which Kelly was secretly relieved about. The little boy was the only think keeping him from breaking down.  
“Where’s daddy?” the little boys voice was so quiet Kelly almost missed it.  
“He’s not feeling very well but the doctors are going to make him all better” informed Kelly as he forced a smile. Kelly was struggling to hide his panic but he knew he had to remain calm for the Sonny’s sake.  
“Ok” mumbled Sonny resting his head on Kelly’s shoulder as he struggled to stay awake.  
“Should we go see if we can find your mummy?” Kelly asked softly but he was pleasantly surprised when the boy shook his head.  
“Me and Robbie stay with you” insisted Sonny as he held onto Kelly with one hand and tightly clutched his toy rabbit with the other.  
“Ok sunshine”. For years after that night Kelly had wondered if the little boy had been able to sense how much he’d needed him. 

After an hour of sitting in an uncomfortable plastic chair with a sleeping Sonny nestled tightly against him, he had finally spotted Hallie walking towards them with a calm expression. Kelly had suspected she’d been keeping a close eye on Matt’s case. The woman knelt down in front of them and gently rubbed Sonny’s back. As Kelly’s heart thumped violently in his chest he found himself comforted by the sound of Sonny’s soft snores.  
“Matt’s in the clear, he’ll be back on duty in no time” she informed happily and Kelly felt the weight of the world lift off him, his soul mate was going to be ok.  
“Can I see him?” he asked eagerly.  
“Of course” she responded but before either one of them could say anything else Hallie’s beeper went off.  
“I’m needed with another patient, I’ll see you soon”, she delicately pressed a kiss onto Sonny’s forehead before heading down the empty hallway. Kelly knew she wanted to stay but he understood that duty always came first.  
“Bye Hallie” Kelly called out. Steadily he lifted himself up off the chair, he was careful not to jostle Sonny too much. He took a deep breath before following a kind nurse to Matt’s room. A lump formed in his throat when his eyes landed on Matt lying in the hospital bed, their life seemed to be full of hospital visits and it was days like this he considered leaving fifty one for good but he knew that would be impossible, after all it wouldn’t be leaving a job it would be leaving a family.  
“Hey” greeted a weak voice and Kelly almost jumped in shock, he had been so caught up in worry he hadn’t even realised the blonde was awake.  
“What are we going to do with you?” Sighed Kelly as he perched himself on the edge of the bed.  
“Hug?” Matt asked sheepishly causing Kelly’s tension to disappear. Delicately he placed Sonny in Matt’s arms before lying down next to them. It was incredibly snug and they were probably violating a lot of rules but it was what Kelly so desperately needed.  
“I love you” murmured Matt as he held onto his boys.  
“Love you too” breathed Kelly no longer feeling like a knife was dangling over him, he never wanted to live in a world without Matt. 

“We’re going to get through this Sonny, we always do” assured Kelly as he gave the teens arms a squeeze. They were broken and bruised but they were a family and they always would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I liked writing the scene with Kelly and Sonny but I know sometimes I get carried away, I hope it wasn’t boring. 
> 
> More happy chapters to come.  
> Hope you enjoyed and thanks for your support.


	24. Conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio and Boden reflect on the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi I hope you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> TW- mentions of medical treatment, I guess panic attacks. And implied child neglect and abuse. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

As Sonny’s awareness grew so did his irritation and embarrassment at his situation. His cheeks were a bright red and every time a nurse or doctor entered the room the teen would curl in in himself as if trying to make himself smaller. When the doctor checked him over Sonny didn’t utter a single word and he kept his eyes glued to a random spot in the room, but thankfully the doctor was a kind man and he made no comments about Sonny’s peculiar behaviour. Kelly was pretty sure any comments would have only added to the boy’s embarrassment. 

Despite the teen being visibly miserable he hadn't made a single complaint, unless you counted his questions about the numerous wires and tubes hooked up to him. Kelly would never forget the look of shock on Sonny’s face when they explained to him what the catheter was.  
“I don't want that” the teen had grumbled and Kelly almost burst out laughing at how much the teen mirrored his father. Over the years there had been many arguments over what help Matt did and didn’t need while in the hospital, Kelly was just relieved Sonny wouldn’t be able to discharge himself, he’d lost track of the amount of times he’d returned to the hospital to find out Matt had left after deciding he didn’t need any more treatment.

“I can go fine on my own” proclaimed Sonny before clumsily pushing himself off the bed, as soon as he began to put weight on his shaky legs they buckled and Sonny found himself tumbling towards the floor. Luckily Kelly had been right in front of the teen and managed to catch the boy before he could cause himself anymore damage.  
“Maybe not” mumbled Sonny as he rested his forehead against Kelly’s shoulder, he let out a few short breaths as a wave of nausea washed over him, after seven days of drifting in and out of consciousness trying to stand unassisted definitely wasn’t Sonny’s best idea. Once the teens breathing settled Kelly gently eased the boy back up onto the bed conscious of the wires and tubes tangled around him.  
“ I really messed up” Sonny groaned before collapsing against the pillows that had been piled up behind him. When a nurse appeared to check him over again the teen held his hands over his face in a feeble attempt to block out the world around him. Kelly really felt for the boy, his still healing wound, the loud noises from the ICU and all the different people coming and going really did make for a miserable time. The boy truly was in his own personal hell.  
“It’s ok, you’re healing. We’ve all had our fair share of trips to the hospital Sonny. You’ll be good as new before you know it” comforted Kelly but the boy let out another groan in response . Kelly was running out of comforting things to say because Sonny wanted the same thing he did, to finally go home. It was strange to think that not so long ago Kelly had dreaded going home every night as the large house always felt so empty but now it was somewhere he deeply longed to be. He wanted nothing more than to go home with the people he loved more than anything in the world.

-

The next day they found themselves in a quieter room on a significantly calmer ward; Sonny’s condition was no longer severe enough to need the extra care the ICU provided, but the doctors still didn’t feel comfortable discharging him quite yet. Just before lunchtime the doctor dropped by to check over Sonny once again, which was why the boy was scowling at a potted plant in the corner of the room, his hospital gown had been draped over his bottom half to preserve his dignity, while the doctor inspected his healing wound. Sonny hummed softly to himself as he tried to pretend he was back at the cabin listening to Matt and Kelly’s stories about their previous adventures. The feeling of hands touching his side made his skin crawl and the unfamiliar voices drifting around the room made his heart race. He kept reminding himself that it was only the doctor and the friendly nurse but Sonny was having difficulty separating past from present. He could hear Kelly’s voice cutting through the fog clouding his mind but he struggled to decipher the man’s words. The few times he’d gotten badly injured while living with Ryder flashed through his mind. Apart from the dog bite incident the injuries themselves weren’t traumatic, the trauma had been caused by the fact Ryder was unable to take him to the hospital meaning the medical attention Sonny received was unconventional and incredibly painful. Ryder’s limited medical knowledge was based on his time in the army and a few things a friend had taught him. Sonny remembered being held down as Ryder shoved a flannel in his mouth for him to bite down on, and the horrific burning sensation that enveloped his body when Ryder hydrogen peroxide in his wounds. He remembered begging Ryder to make the pain stop until it became unbearable and he eventually blacked out. As Sonny got older any non-life-threatening injuries were his responsibility to fix, Sonny wondered how badly Ryder would’ve reacted to Sonny letting his cut get infected. The man probably would have seen him as a disgrace and left him behind. Sonny knew Matt was nothing like Ryder but he couldn’t shift his fear that he’d finally pushed Matt too far. 

The feeling of someone gently shaking his shoulder brought Sonny back the present. The teen blinked slowly a few times before turning to see Matt looking at him with kind eyes.  
“All done Kiddo” informed Matt and that’s when Sonny realised both the doctor nurse were nowhere to be seen.  
“Home?” He inquired hopefully, he didn’t think he could take being trapped in the hospital much longer.  
“A few days Sonny”, the teen struggled to hold back his tears at his dad’s reply, but before he could dwell on it too much Kelly picked up a bag from next to his feet and pulled out a book, it was the same book Kelly had been reading to him back at home. Since waking up in the hospital Sonny had deeply missed drifting off to the sound of Kelly reading.  
“Fancy reading chapter five, I really want to find out what happens next” the man smiled, Sonny nodded eagerly in response. Matt helped him readjust his hospital gown before Matt climbing up onto the hospital bed beside him. Matt then proceeded to drape a thick blue blanket Sonny recognised from the cabin over the two of them. As he listened to Kelly’s soft voice and leaned into Matt he felt his horrible memories drift away. He may have been going through hell but he definitely wasn’t going through it alone. 

-  
Later that day Kelly and Matt quickly went to the canteen to get something to eat, leaving Boden behind with Sonny. The man had found a pack of cards in the gift shop to keep Sonny’s mind off his surroundings when he wasn’t asleep. Boden was sat in a near by chair dealing the cards out while Sonny watched from his position on the bed.  
“Everything’s a mess” mumbled Sonny out of the blue and Boden smiled a sympathetically. Matt had warned him that Sonny had a tendency to blame himself for things that weren’t his fault, Boden definitely didn’t have to wonder where he’d gotten that trait from.  
“Oh sonny these things happen, both Matt and Kelly have had their fair share of hospital visits” informed Boden. The chief briefly contemplated telling Sonny about Kelly’s shoulder injury but decided against it after all it wasn’t his story to tell.  
“You’ve known them a long time?” questioned Sonny with a thoughtful expression that reminded him of Hallie, it truly was amazing how many similarities the teen shared with both his parents.  
“I’ve known Matt since he was a candidate at fifty one, Kelly joined a few years after him” he explained, as his mind flashed back to a young Matt he found himself wondering if Sonny would ever follow after his father. The boy was definitely determined and caring enough but those were also good qualities for a doctor, but maybe the boy would choose a path completely different to his parents, Boden supposed they would just have to wait and see.  
“What were they like?” , there was a curious look in Sonny’s eyes that made the boy seem so much younger.  
“Matt was quiet and hard working, he was a good cook too” replied Boden with a fondness in his voice. He remembered being worried about Matt during the blonde’s first few weeks at fifty-one, he’d been an excellent candidate but Boden wasn’t sure he’d be able to cope with the other firefighters. They were a family but Matt had seemed intent on hiding himself away. You could be better the fittest and fastest firefighter alive but if you didn’t have your teams trust you were as good as gone. Even after Herman took Matt under his wing the blonde still remained withdrawn. It wasn’t until Darden was transferred to fifty one that Matt finally began to come out of his shell. “What about Kelly?”,  
“He was stubborn but really good at his job, they’re two of the finest firefighters I’ve ever met” admitted Boden and that certainly wasn’t a statement he threw around. Matt and Kelly truly were his best lieutenants. Losing Matt had been an incredibly tough thing to deal with, because Casey was more than just another firefighter at fifty one he was like a son.  
“I’m lucky” admitted Sonny with a hint sadness that made Boden angry, what had Ryder done to the poor to make him so insecure? He was so much like Matt that it physically hurt because Boden knew many of Matt’s qualities were caused by the pain he’d been through, the same pain that Boden knew Matt had wanted to shield Sonny from.  
“It’s got nothing to do with luck, they’re good people and you’re a good kid” stated Boden in a warm voice he’d used with Matt many times after a rough call. Boden expected the boy to answer back, he certainly wasn’t prepared for the boys next question,  
“Have they always hidden their feelings for each other or is that my fault?” Asked Sonny casually and Boden just stared dumbfounded at the boys forwardness. Thankfully teen continued talking as Boden tried to recover from his initial surprise.  
“I Remember that they were always together before Ryder. They seem happier in my memories” the boy admitted softly and Boden found himself sighing. The boy was far too observant for his own good.  
“It’s complicated Sonny.There were a lot of obstacles in their way even before you were born. They’ve faced a lot of hate”, Boden struggled to find the right words ; he wasn’t sure how much Matt and Kelly wanted Sonny to know about their past.  
“It doesn’t bother me whether they’re together or apart, I just don’t want to lose them” replied Sonny and Boden’s heart clenched at the boys fear of abandonment. In that moment Boden felt the same need to protect Sonny that he’d felt for Matt many years ago. Just like his father Sonny was a beautiful soul who didn’t deserve any of the pain he had endured.  
“You’re not going to lose them Sonny”.  
-

Meanwhile Matt was glaring at Kelly in annoyance,  
“Hurry up ” pleaded Matt as looked at the half full plate of food in front of Kelly, Matt’s own plate had been empty for quite a while. He was desperate to get back to Sonny as soon as possible which was why he was losing his patience with the man opposite him.  
“It’s not my fault you inhaled your food, besides you heard what Boden said if we spend less than fifteen minutes in the cafeteria he’ll drag us straight back down here” said Kelly in a poor imitation of Boden.  
“Sonny needs me” stated Matt but Kelly continued to take small bites of his food. Instead of acting out of annoyance Matt took a deep breath before shooting Kelly a pleading look but it had no effect on the other man.  
“He’s happy playing cards with Boden, before you know it Sonny will be sat at the squad table beating Capp at cards” chuckled Kelly and Matt couldn’t help but smile.  
“Squad table? he’s not even started high school yet and you’re already pushing him towards squad” laughed Matt. There was no malice to words, their arguments about work were a thing of past for obvious reasons. Matt missed his and Kelly’s cigar breaks and the thrill of being on a call together, but he definitely didn’t miss coming to blows over differing opinions on how to carry out a rescue.  
“As long as he’s happy I don’t care what he does in the future, but if he does become a firefighter then squad is the best place to be” Kelly responded finishing the last part with a cheesy grin.  
“We’ll agree to disagree” smiled Matt before looking off into the distance, despite how much he adored being a firefighter the protective side of him didn’t want Sonny to follow in his footsteps.  
It wasn’t until that moment he realised how little he thought about his own time as firefighter, he thought about the people of fifty one constantly because they were family, but the actual job had become a distant memory to him. Of course there were calls he’d always remember, faces that would forever be engrained in his mind, but Matt no longer felt a deep yearning for action.  
“I loved truck but I don’t miss it as much as I used to” admitted Matt softly, his confession was followed by a loud clatter when Kelly dropped his fork in surprise. But when the blonde locked eyes with Kelly he was positive he saw relief flash in Kelly’s eyes.  
“Guess we have other more important things to focus on now” mused Kelly a few moments later.  
“Yeah but we’re not doing very well, we spent all the day with Sonny and we didn’t realise-“ Matt was abruptly cut off by Kelly shaking his head.  
“Matt you can’t keep dwelling on that”,  
“I just miss the little boy who had no filter and used to tell us everything”, as soon as the words left his mouth guilt welled up inside Matt. He knew he shouldn’t think of Sonny as two different people but sometimes he couldn’t stop himself; understandably four year old Sonny was drastically different to fourteen year old Sonny.  
“Yeah, but Matt he’s a teenager now. Ryder or no Ryder there was always going to come a time when he stopped telling us everything”. Matt mulled over Kelly’s words before letting out a sigh, he truly didn’t know what he’d do without Kelly.  
“You’re right, now eat up” instructed Matt causing Kelly to shake his head in amusement. Suddenly a playful look appeared in Kelly’s eyes as he leaned in close towards Matt so no one else could hear him,  
“You know I’d eat faster if you-“  
“No whatever dirty things are going on in your mind I don’t want to hear them” interrupted Matt and he knew his suspicions had been right when Kelly pouted at him. Even in his darkest moments Kelly always knew how to make him smile, he truly didn’t deserve the dark haired firefighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter leads onto good things. I promise a nice serving of happy Sevasey fluff to come next chapter. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for continued support, have a great day!


	25. Insecurities

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt makes a stupid impulsive decision fuelled by the demons in his head, can Kelly stop him from going too far?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the time it took to update. My heads on a go slow. Every day this week I sat down and said today’s the day I get this chapter posted, but my brain is not a fan of co-operating.
> 
> Apologies this is not the fluffy chapter I promised. It felt to jumpy think of this chapter as a bridge.
> 
> TW- self doubt, insecurities.

Guilt, it was an emotion Matt was well acquainted with but it never got any easier to deal with. Matt and Kelly had returned to the hotel earlier that evening for probably what would be the last time.The doctor had informed them that if everything went well Sonny would be discharged in the morning, while Matt knew he should feel relieved he actually felt a knot form in his stomach at the news. He wasn’t ready to take Sonny away from the safety of the hospital. He knew he wasn’t good enough, it was only a matter of time before he screwed up again. Because that’s what he always did, he left the key on the table for his mother to take, he let Hallie take Sonny and then he let Andy go through the window. It was always his fault. 

Matt was currently hiding away in the shower, he had hoped the sensation of hot water cascading over him would wash away his thoughts if only for a few minutes, but so far his entire body was still shaking with fear. It didn’t help that the water came out in a slow trickle and the temperature alternated between a swim in the Antarctic and a freshly made cup of coffee, the pathetic hotel shower was doing nothing to calm him down. Initially he’d been desperate to get home until it dawned on him how quickly things could go wrong again.

As he reached for the small shampoo bottle Matt’s movement’s were clumsy and sluggish, it was becoming harder to move as the fog clouding his mind thickened. One horrible thought was whizzing around his head making it impossible to focus on anything else, they had   
almost lost Sonny again and next time they probably wouldn’t be so lucky.  
“Matt is everything alright in there?” called a voice piercing through Matt’s thoughts. But the blonde didn’t move his mind was paralysed by the anxiety racing around his body. If his past had taught him anything it was that no matter how much he loved something he’d eventually destroy it. He didn’t want to lose Sonny or Kelly, but maybe they would be better off without him. Matt didn’t have a single doubt in his mind that Kelly would take good care of Sonny, the squad lieutenant loved the boy like he was his own, and in a way he was. 

Matt vaguely registered the sound of the shower curtain being pulled back but it wasn’t until he felt the weak flow of water stop that he finally noticed Kelly observing him carefully.   
“Matt what’s going on?”  
“Nothing” he replied with a small shrug as he reached out for a nearby towel. It was warm and fluffy, nothing like the old scratchy towels they had back home, but bizarrely Matt found himself missing the familiarity of the rough material on his skin.   
“Matt you’ve been in here for nearly an hour”, the concern in Kelly’s voice made Matt cringe. He’d never wanted the other man to worry, often he found himself wishing Kelly didn’t care about him, sometimes he wondered if Kelly would be happier if he had moved on during the time Sonny was missing. He’d probably be married by now and with a family of his own, one that wasn’t constantly hit by tragedies.   
“Just thinking” mumbled Matt as he headed towards the bedroom leaving behind a baffled Kelly. He wasn’t ignoring Kelly, at least not intentionally. The buzzing thoughts in his mind made it impossible to concentrate on his own actions let alone whatever Kelly was saying. In fact Matt had nearly collided with a small wooden drawer after exiting the bathroom. Matt felt like his mind was shutting down, he was no used to anyone anymore. He knew the dark haired man was trying desperately to help him and that only strengthened his faith in the lieutenant, Kelly was an amazing dad he could easily raise Sonny on his own. 

Kelly would know exactly how to handle Sonny’s first day at school, the dark haired man would help Sonny with learning to read. Matt could see Kelly sitting at the table with Sonny every night going through his homework and asking him how his day was. And on the days Kelly would have a shift Matt imagined Sonny would eat dinner at the firehouse, the teen would listen to Capps jokes and Hermann’s stories before heading home. Then in the summer Kelly would take Sonny fishing and even begin to teach him how to repair the boats themselves. Maybe they would even adopt a dog of their own and go for long evening walks. Matt didn’t have a doubt in his mind that they would be just fine with out him. 

When Kelly entered the bedroom Matt was already wearing jeans and hastily pulling a fresh t-shirt over his head, baffling Kelly who was already clad in pyjama bottoms and an old t-shirt . Matt kept his head down as he reached for his jacket, he knew what he had to do. As he began to speak his breathing was steady and his voice was devoid of all emotion, the only thing keeping him from breaking was repeatedly reminding himself this was for the best.  
“I can’t stay” announced Matt as began searching the room for any of his belongings laying around.   
“What the hell do you mean you can’t stay?”, Matt grimaced at the other man’s tone, he knew he was in for a rough conversation. He should’ve expected that Kelly wouldn’t readily accept Matt’s plan.  
“I need you to look after Sonny” ,  
“Of course I’ll look after Sonny with you by my side, we’re a team Matt”. Matt shook his head before quickly slipping his shoes on and slinging his bag over his shoulder. He headed towards the door before stopping, keeping his head faced forward as he refused to look at Kelly.   
“I have some savings set aside, I can take half and transfer the rest to you. I’ll get the house put in your name. And your already Sonny’s godfather, custody will go straight to you in my absence, and -“ before he could finish his bag was being shoved to the floor and he felt Kelly’s hands rough hands grabbing his arms and forcing him up against the door.   
“Shut up!” Roared Kelly a steely look in his eyes that Matt only rarely saw, it was the same look he wore after an argument with Benny or when other firefighters made crude remarks about their relationship. But lurking behind the anger Matt could see a painful mix of fear and sadness marking Kelly’s features.  
“What on earth are you talking about?” Spit our Kelly between deep breaths. Matt could feel Kelly shaking even when he loosened his grip on his arms. A lump formed in Matt’s throat at the other man’s heartbroken expression, it certainly wasn’t making things easier. In an attempt to keep his calm composure Matt averted his eyes from Kelly’s and took a deep breath,  
“I can’t look after Sonny”, it killed Matt to admit his own son was better off without him but he knew Sonny would be better off. Sometimes he wondered how his life would have turned out if his dad had left, he could have grown up happily with him mother and sister.   
“You’re his father Matt, he needs you” as Kelly spoke he rebased his grip on matts arms before gently placing his hands on Matt’s face forcing their eyes to meet again. Annoyance surged through Casey, why couldn’t Kelly see that this was for the best? The other man had said himself that Matt was to blame for Andy’s death. He shrugged out of Kelly’s grip before reaching down for his duffel bag resting on the floor by Kelly’s feet. Once the bag was repositioned on his shoulder he moved to open the door but once again was stopped by Kelly who grabbed his wrist.   
“He’s better off” Matt yelled each word louder than the last.   
“Matt you can’t leave him”, Kelly’s tone was quite he almost sounded scared. Matt found himself freezing in place, he slowly turned towards Kelly locking eyes with the firefighter again, he felt a twinge of guilt at the stray tear rolling down Kelly’s cheek.   
“Its what best for Sonny”, at those words the dejected expression on Kelly’s face morphed into one of anger.   
“What’s best?” Kelly asked incredulously,   
“So what you’re going to walk out? Just like Benny walked out me”. Matt flinched at those words, never in a million years did we want to be compared to Benny severide.   
“It’s not the same”, he wasn’t like Benny he kept reminding himself in an attempt to ease his guilt. Matt knew how much pain the man had caused Kelly over the years; he hated the thought that he could be doing the same to Sonny, but Matt guessed being angry was better then being dead.   
“You bloody well know it is” screamed Kelly his face turning a dark crimson.   
“I’m trying to protect him” Matt whispered feeling too tired to fight or to even yell.   
“The worst thing Benny ever did was leaving. If you walk out of Sonny’s life I will never forgive you, and neither will he. You promised Sonny you’d never abandon him”. At some point Kelly had moved right up close to him, he could feel Kelly’s warm breath grazing his ear, there was a time when an argument like this would have fizzled out and ended in a kiss; Matt highly doubted thus would be one of those times. As Kelly continued to yell Matt felt something snap inside him,  
“Everyone I love dies”,his voice definitely didn’t sound harsh or angry, in fact his he sounded devastated, instantly Kelly’s anger dissipated and Matt was being pulled into the man’s warm embrace.   
“Oh Matty” whispered Kelly softly in his ear, the nickname was enough to bring Matt’s feelings bubbling to the surface. The blonde collapsed against Kelly as tears of frustration leaked down his face, all he wanted to do was what was best for Sonny but on days like this he didn’t have a clue what that was. 

Matt didn’t know how long they stood there, but at some point they pulled apart and silently agreed to never talk about the incident again. If Sonny knew that Matt had considered leaving it would crush the young teen. Both Kelly and Matt knew that the moment had been fuelled by the stress of the past week but they doubted Sonny would see it that way, the young teen would find a way to blame himself. He wouldn’t understand that it was Matt’s own insecurities playing tricks on him, Sonny would likely believe he’d done something wrong. 

After that day the thought of leaving would never cross Matt’s mind again. For reasons Matt would never understand Kelly and Sonny loved him and they needed him in their lives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is evil I know. But it felt necessary. The next chapter is half written and it’s happy and fluffy.   
> Sonny’s hospital trip is coming to an end.  
> So soon we’ll be moving on to Sonny starting school, Kelly going back to work and Matt trying to find his new normal.
> 
> Any advice and criticism welcome.
> 
> Thank you for your support.  
> Hope you enjoyed.


	26. Spongebob

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry, once again this isn’t the chapter I had planned. I had quite a bit of homework this weekend so I got a bit behind on writing. To make it more manageable I split this chapter into two again, so this is not the Sevasey half, but if you read it you’ll see it will lead onto something very good.
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy.

After nine horrible days stuck in the hospital they were finally home. Matt never thought he’d be so happy to be sat on the sofa watching tv. He wasn’t really watching the television his attention was solely on the boy beside him. Sonny was curled up in the middle of the sofa , his knees hugged tightly to his chest as he drifted in and out of sleep. While Kelly was sat on the opposite end flicking through a file Kidd had dropped off for him. Matt wasn’t sure what he’d do when the other man inevitability headed off back to work and Sonny started school, he’d have to find a new way to pass the days. But for now he was taking each day at a time, because if the past ten years had taught him anything it was that no matter how much you planned and prepared life always took its own course. And after nearly loosing Sonny again he wanted to savour every moment instead of wasting it away by worrying about the future. He wondered if Sonny was relieved as he was felt finally be home, granted Sonny was only really aware of the last three days of his hospital stay. Matt guessed that was one thing to be thankful for, the teen was unaware of the full extent of the pain and worry they’d been through. The teen wasn’t even aware that he’d started seizing on the first day. Sonny didn’t know Matt and Kelly had been told to expect the worst and he never would. Matt wasn’t a big fan of secrets but he knew that there were times in life when they were necessary. He didn’t want Sonny to know how terrified they had been, it wasn’t that he didn’t want Sonny to know he cared. But he knew how Sonny’s mind worked : he knew Sonny would feel immensely guilty if he knew everything about his hospital stay. 

-

They were half way through their fifth episode of Spongebob when Matt felt a weight drop onto his shoulder. A smile spread across Matt’s face when he looked down at Sonny who had lost his battle with exhaustion.  
“Thank god, we can finally turn over” laughed Kelly when he too noticed the sleeping boy.  
“It’s not that bad”,  
“One episode on its own is fine, but it’s all we ever watch nowadays and I still don’t understand why the sponge lives in a pineapple?” Replied Kelly in a serious tone that made Matt struggle to contain a chuckle.  
“It keeps him calm” reasoned Matt, cartoons were the one thing guaranteed to calm the teen down but unfortunately they weren’t available on the television in the hospital.  
“And besides this is what most parents have to put up with at some point”,  
“We need to introduce to him to hockey or baseball” replied Kelly and Matt hummed in agreement. They had tried introducing Sonny to their favourite movies before the cabin trip but it hadn’t gone too well. They’d discovered that they had to be extremely careful with what they watched, loud noises especially gun shots triggered Sonny’s memories of Ryders death. From then on they’d stuck to the vibrant child friendly cartoons Sonny grew up watching. But secretly the cartoons always made Matt feel uneasy, he often found himself thinking about the little pieces Sonny had revealed about his past. The horrible thought of a young sonny all alone with nothing but television to keep him company made him feel sick. Matts had never wanted Sonny to experience the same agonising loneliness he was all too familiar with. He would spend the rest of his life making sure Sonny never felt lonely again.  
“I love you Sonny” Matt whispered before planting a gentle kiss on the boys forehead.  
“I will never leave you”.

-

Later that day Matt checked over the healing graze on Sonny’s side before the teen went to bed, it was only six pm and despite being asleep for most of the day Sonny was struggling to stay awake. Sonny had sat himself on the bathroom counter, his back was leaning against the wall and his head was lulling to one side. It had become clear during dinner that exhaustion was weighing heavily down on the younger blonde, he had spent the entire time pushing his food around his plate as he urged his eyes to stay open. Despite the boy’s tiredness Matt wasn’t worried as the doctor had warned them that Sonny would be lethargic over the next couple of day.  
Once he was satisfied that the graze was still healing properly Matt began to secure a fresh bandage over the wound.  
“I know”, Instantly Matt paused and looked up at Sonny with a confused expression. He wasn’t entirely sure what the boy’s ominous statement meant but it made his stomach twist. For a brief second he feared Sonny knew he had considered leaving; Matt quickly shook that thought away as he realised there was no way Sonny could possibly know.  
“You know what Sonny?” Matt inquired gently, he continued racking his brain as he tried to figure out what Sonny was talking about but he truly had no idea. As he waited for the teen to continue he finished bandaging the boys side in an attempt to appear calm.  
“About you and Kelly being together”, with that Matt felt the colour run out of his face. He wasn’t ready to loose Sonny’s affection and trust, the teen had finally started calling him Dad, he didn’t want that love to be replaced by hate. Matt wasn’t ready.  
“Sonny” Matt he began his voice sounded shaky as he frantically searched his mind for the right words. He was brought out of his panic by Sonny softly placing his hand on his shoulder and offering him a small smile.  
“I don’t care, but don’t tiptoe around your feelings because of me” the teen finished the last part with a soft laugh, but Matt was too in shock to do anything but gape.  
“You’re not as subtle as you think” explained the boy simply.  
“It really doesn’t bother you?” Matt finally responded not fully believing his son. He trusted Sonny but it seemed to easy, the phrase if something’s to good to be true it probably is popped into his head. Sonny stared at him for a few seconds confusion written across his face.  
“Why would it? I mean it’s not like it would change anything really, you spend all your time together already” replied Sonny in a soft tone.  
Matt felt dizzy with relief, he couldn’t believe how innocent Sonny was. Matt could see in the boys eyes that he genuinely didn’t understand the issue of him and Kelly being together. But that also filled matt with sadness, Sonny had no idea what sort of treatment they were in for. Matt knew he was obligated to warn the innocent boy and give him one last opportunity to change his mind, because if him and Kelly being apart made Sonny feel happier and safer Matt would continue to suppress his feelings. Sonny’s happiness would always be his priority.  
“Sonny lots of people don’t understand sometimes there will be people-“  
“Are you happy?”, in that moment Matt saw Hallie, she had spoken the exact same words to him many years ago. Despite her not being around it truly astonished Matt how much of Hallie was present in their son. He knew she’d be proud of him.  
“Yeah we are” Matt responded honestly, being with Kelly was a completely different level of happiness. Meeting Kelly was like finding a piece of himself he hadn’t even realised was missing, ever since they met Matt was only at his happiest when he had both of his boys.  
“Then we can deal with them, it’s not like our life was easy in the first place”, Matt found himself letting out a small laugh at the boys statement, the past few days had definitely confirmed that.  
“Oh Sonny, I love you kid” whispered Matt as he pulled the boy into a hug being mindful of his freshly bandaged side.  
“I love you too Dad”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sonny finally knows, yay! 
> 
> Hope this chapter wasn’t too uneventful.  
> But initially it ended up longer than expected and I’m not very good at proofreading chapters over 1,500 words which is why I cut it in half.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Any advice greatly appreciated.
> 
> Thank you for your continued support.  
> Have a great day.


	27. He knows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt shares some good news with Kelly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the very long time between updating. writing has felt impossible lately.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, any criticism welcome.

Matt slowly closed Sonny’s bedroom door but it didn’t really matter if he made any noise, the teen was out for the count not even a blaring siren would wake him. Matt leant against the bedroom door allowing his thoughts to catch up with him, he still felt giddy with relief at the fact he had Sonny’s approval. He no longer had to dance around his feelings for Kelly, he no longer had to cling onto his old memories of the academy and the four years they spent together before Sonny disappeared. He and Kelly could start to make new memories, maybe they could even achieve some sense of normality in their relationship. For so long Matt had feared he’d thrown away a life with Kelly for good but now everything was falling into place. However a really paranoid part of Matt was still waiting for something to go wrong. After a lifetime of facing hate Matt had learnt to always be prepared for the worst. Even his own parents had resented him for the way he decided to live his life and who he decided to love. Despite Sonny’s easy going and caring nature Matt had been so prepared for Sonny to resent him. He had been positive that Ryder would have corrupted his sweet boy. After all he knew what growing up with a hateful person could do to someone. He could still hear his fathers voice sometimes chastising him for all his decisions. Kelly and Andy were the reason he no longer agreed with his fathers homophobic views. But much to Matt’s surprise it seemed like Ryder wasn’t homophobic after all. That fact only raised more questions as to what sort of man Ryder was. It proved that Matt really didn’t know anything about Ryder. Matt wished more than anything that there was some one other than Sonny who had known Ryder, it would be easier to help Sonny if Matt knew what his sons demons looked like. 

-

As he walked down the hallway Casey could hear the faint sound of Kelly moving around in his bedroom. Matt glanced at the door of his own room before smiling softly to himself and heading into Kelly’s room. He walked straight passed the man who was busy changing into pyjamas and dropped straight down onto the bed. Kelly finished pulling a t-shirt over his head and a look of amusement appeared on his face as his eyes landed on Matt.   
“What are you doing?” Kelly asked with a small chuckle.   
“This bed seems comfier than mine”.  
“Uh Huh, what’s going on?” . Matt struggled to suppress a snicker at the way Kelly’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion and he titled his head slightly to one side. He contemplated telling Kelly about Sonny’s admission but instead decided to savour the other man’s befuddled expression for a little longer. Letting out a sigh Kelly collapsed down beside him. When the dark haired man turned towards him Matt noticed for the first time the sadness lingering in Kelly’s eyes.  
“Matt you know I would love for you to sleep here but what about Sonny?” Immediately Matt felt his heart swell with happiness and love, he knew Kelly wanted them to be together again but yet the man was still willing to remain apart as long as Matt needed. The blonde would never understand how he got so lucky to have Kelly in his life.

“Sonny knows”. The words rippled through the air knocking the breath out of Kelly. He gaped st the blonde beside him as he struggled to form a response. Never in a million years had he expected Matt to utter those words anytime soon. He’d even joked that Sonny would have gotten married before he found about their relationship.   
“He? He knows? Sonny knows? you told him?” Rambled Kelly all of his thoughts coming out in an incoherent mess.  
“Nope, apparently we’re not as subtle as we thought” . Kelly grinned brightly at that, he had to admit they hadn’t always been very good at refraining from showing affection to one another. As his initial shock faded another realisation popped into his head.  
“It doesn’t bother him”, it wasn’t a question Kelly knew Matt certainly wouldn’t be in his room if it bothered Sonny.   
“He said he just wants us to be happy”. Kelly stared at him in disbelief before pulling Casey into a hug. The first time they’d hugged in ten years without the looming fear of hate or resentment.   
“God we’re lucky to have him”.   
“Yeah, yeah we are”.

-

A couple of nights later they found themselves sitting at the dining table with a very frustrated Sonny. Donna had dropped off some books and other things she’d thought would be helpful with teaching the young blonde to read. The books along with a brightly coloured assortment of stationery supplies were sprawled across the table. Unsurprisingly Sonny was very determined to learn, perhaps too determined. He was getting extremely annoyed at how slow the whole process was going ; unlike his father he wasn’t one to hide his feelings or frustration.  
“Sonny it’s only been an hour, learning takes time” comforted Matt as he smiled softly at his son, but the teen rolled his eyes before dramatically slumping onto the table. When the teen began mumbling incoherently into his arms Matt had to move closer in order to hear him, eventually he managed to make out the boy’s words, and Matt struggled to stifle a chuckle.   
“I don’t have time”.  
“You’re fourteen Sonny you have plenty of time”.  
“But everyone else my age-“, Matt placed a comforting hand on the boys shoulder gently cutting him off. He knew Sonny comparing himself to others would never end well ; the young blonde was significantly behind everyone else but there was no point dwelling on it.  
“Most kids your age have been in school since they were five years old” reasoned Matt. Unfortunately Sonny wasn’t listening, he was too caught up in the fact that his lack of education was yet another thing that would make him stand out. As much as Matt hated to see the boy distressed he completely understood Sonny’s concern, the boy just wanted what everyone else his age did, to fit in.  
“I’m never going to cope in school”. Matt shared a glance with Kelly who was watching from the kitchen, he knew he couldn’t lie to Sonny, telling him school would be easy and giving him false hope would just be cruel.  
“Sonny you won’t cope in mainstream classes yet and that’s ok, there’s plenty of other kids who need extra help, you’ll be put in a class that will allow you to go at your own pace”. Matt’s words didn’t seem to offer Sonny any comfort. The teen raised his head and looked at them with a glare of frustration before gritting out,  
“My own pace is too slow”. Before either of the Casey’s could say anything more Kelly was out of the kitchen and behind Sonny. He tentatively placed his hands on the boy’s shoulders and began gently pulled him away from the table.“Come on I think it’s time for a break”.  
“We can’t stop now” protested Sonny dejectedly. Matt almost gave in as he took in the distraught expression on his son’s face but it was painfully clear Sonny’s mind wasn’t in the right place to learn. Thankfully Kelly wasn’t deterred by the boys puppy dog eyes or sullen tone.   
“Yes we can, helping me cook dinner counts as learning” as Kelly spoke he steered the boy towards the kitchen while Sonny mumbled to himself.  
“How does chopping up carrots count as learning?” Asked Sonny in a tired drawl as he glared at the vegetables in front of him.  
“It’s a good skill for when you live on your own one day, And you never know you might decide to be a chef” Kelly replied cheerfully but Sonny simply sent him another scowl. Deciding that there was no point in arguing Matt decided to change the subject, he didn’t want Sonny to get himself worked up, fortunately he knew what would help brighten up the boys mood.  
“I was thinking why don’t we visit the firehouse tomorrow?”  
“Yeah alright” huffed the boy his tone already softening. After only a few minutes in the kitchen Sonny began to calm down and concentrate on the task at hand. As the boy dutifully chopped up the carrots Matt and Kelly filled the kitchen with easy chatter. Eventually the boy even cracked a smile. By the time dinner was ready Sonny had joined in their conversation with his normal cheerfulness.  
“I love you Kiddo” reminded Matt as he ruffled Sonny’s hair,   
“Love you too Dad”. 

Some days Matt found himself forgetting Sonny was a teenager, it definitely was not one of those days. But in a strange way Matt was grateful the boy felt comfortable enough to whine and groan, it was a clear indication that they’d earn get his trust. Matt knew their would be plenty more tough days to come but he knew they’d be ok. Everything was going to be just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great day, thank you for reading.


	28. Trouble sleeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sonny’s nerves keep him wide awake at night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the delay again. This chapter isn’t my best it’s a little short sorry. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Sonny scowled at the brand new backpack resting in the corner of the room. As he sat upright in his bed scowling he could feel a lump forming in his throat. He glanced at the clock on his bedside table it was roughly six hours until he had to get up for his first day at school. He wasn’t ready. Everything was about to change, he was about to be forced out of his little world where it was just him his dad and Kelly. He wasn’t ready to be pushed into a world of chaos. He’d visited the high school with Matt and Kelly the previous week and he’d hated every moment of it. Even when everyone was in class it was still a loud building, he could hear people talking loudly as they walked through the long empty halls. They’d shown him the small classroom that he’d stay in and while it was quieter than the other rooms Sonny had instantly despised it. The other students stared at him and whispered among themselves while the teachers looked at him with sympathetic smiles. He nodded and hummed in response to any of their questions not trusting himself to speak, he’d plastered a smile on his face but Matt had seen straight through it. Ever since the visit the two men had been trying to assure him everything was going to be fine. But he knew he wasn’t ready. 

As well as visiting the high school there had also been plenty of visits to the firehouse and he had even visited the Hermann’s, and that was a definitely visit he’d never forget. Unfortunately meeting the Hermann’s hadn’t eased his nerves over interacting with people around his age, if anything the boisterous children has pushed him even further on the edge. They’d also made a trip to the local supermarket late one night to buy school supplies. Given the late hour it was significantly quieter than when he’d visited during his first week with Matt and Kelly. His heart rested in his throat the entire time and his whole body had shook with Fear. But afterwards he’d been ecstatic, he’d felt like he’d conquered the world. However Sonny knew surviving one shopping trip didn’t mean he could cope at school.

After a while he felt like his mind was spinning. He couldn’t lay in his bed staring at his backpack any longer, he needed a distraction. He reached out for his sketchbook but instead of feeling the familiar worn cardboard cover he felt the cold wood of his bedside table. He let out a groan as he realised he must have left it downstairs. He pushed off the covers and shuffled towards his door carefully opening it. A light was coming from down stairs, it appeared he wasn’t the only one still wide awake. After a few minutes of debating whether to return to bed he padded down the stairs, after all it wasn’t like he was going to be getting to sleep anytime soon. He frowned softly to himself when he reached the kitchen, his dad was sat down at the kitchen table while Kelly stood by the counter making coffee. He stepped further into the room causing Matt to look up with a sympathetic look oh his face.  
“You couldn’t sleep either?” His father asked and Sonny shrugged before sitting himself down in one of the chairs.  
“Dad I’ve been thinking why don’t I-“  
“No, Sonny you’re going to school”, Sonny felt his chest tighten at his fathers interruption, he had really hoped the man would see things his way.  
“But-“ this time he was cut off by Kelly gently placing a hand on his shoulder.  
“Sonny we know you’re ready, we wouldn’t let you go if we didn’t think you could handle it”  
“I like our life the way it is” he admitted in a voice barely above a whisper. He liked the safety of their little bubble, he wasn’t ready for things to change. When Kelly removed his hand Sonny turned towards Matt who’s mouth was pressed in a tight line, the teen had a feeling the older blonde was as nervous as he was.   
“Me too kid but school will be good for you”. Good for him, right now Sonny thought the only good thing for him would be seclusion. He wasn’t ready for school; he didn’t understand why no one else could see that. The busiest place he could manage was the supermarket and that trip had drained him, he’d slept for eleven hours the night after. He was brought out of his thoughts by the sound of Kelly placing a mug in front of him.   
“Drink this up then back to bed”. Sonny nodded before tentatively placing his hands around the warm mug. He felt some of his nerves ease as the rich scent of hot chocolate reached his nose. As he drank Matt and Kelly told him stories about their time at the academy in an attempt to distract him. By the time Sonny found himself holding an empty mug his eyelids were beginning to droop. He muttered his thanks to Kelly and wished the two men good night before shuffling out of the room.

Kelly smiled softly to himself as he watched Sonny padding out of the kitchen. Seeing the teen appear in the kitchen door way had reminded him of when Sonny was little. A few months before his disappearance the little boy had started waking up in the middle of the night. He’d tiptoe into the living room when Kelly and Matt were talking and attempt to hide but the little boy was never very stealthy. There was one night that stood out in Kelly’s head the most.

-  
After a rough shift the day before Matt and Kelly found themselves relaxing on the couch watching an old film. Truck 81 had been called to what appeared to be a small house fire but it had quickly become apparent that it was more serious. Squad had been called for backup but by the time they arrived it had become a recovery instead of a rescue. Kelly didn’t think he’d forget the faces of the victims any time soon. They’d been blocking out the events of the day since picking Sonny up from Hallie’s house. The little boy stopped them from crawling into a bottle or retreating into themselves, he was their reminder that good still existed in the world. However remaining positive for the little boy after witnessing something so horrific left them feeling drained. When night had finally fallen Matt had allowed himself to fall apart and Kelly had held him tight. He’d rubbed the blondes back as the man released all the feelings he’d bottled up. Eventually the blondes sobs became quieter and quieter until they were replaced with pitiful sniffles. 

Even after Matt calmed down Kelly continued to hold him tightly. The two men rested on the couch hugging each other tightly for what felt like hours, however as Kelly spared a glance at his watch he realised it was only ten pm. Matt was lying heavily on his chest but he could tell by the man’s shaky breathing that he was wide awake. Kelly considered persuading Matt to go to bed but swiftly decided against it. After the rough day they had he doubted either of them would be getting any sleep. He tried to focus on the tv but his attention was caught by a creaking noise coming from down the hall.Severide turned his head and his eyes swept around the living room but he saw nothing out of the ordinary. He started to shift his gaze back to the television when a soft giggling rippled through the room. Instantly Kelly felt Matt shift at the sound. The blonde lifted his head and smiled knowingly at Kelly. The two men silently sat up and peered over the back of the couch. As they suspected little Sonny was curled up on the floor his blanket draped over his shoulders as he whispered mischievously to his plush bunny.  
“Hi” greeted Sonny with a cheeky smile when realised he’d been caught. Both Kelly and Matt let out a chuckle at the little boy’s antics. Kelly watched as Matt stood up and lifted Sonny up over his shoulder causing boy to let out a squeal.  
“Sevy, help me Sevy” yelled Sonny as Matt carried him towards the his bedroom.   
“It’s ok Sonny I’ll save you” joked Kelly before heading off after the two blondes with a wide grin. Even on the darkest of days the boy had always been able to make them smile, he truly was there sunshine.

-

Kelly still struggled with the fact they’d never have anymore moments like that with Sonny, they’d never tuck him into bed or read him a bedtime story. They lost their carefree mischievous little boy. Kelly wasn’t sure how the boy would cope with school. They’d consulted Dr Charles, the therapist had been talking to Sonny weekly; he believed Sonny was as ready as he would ever be. But that did nothing to ease Matt and Kelly’s worries. In fact Kelly knew Matt had been considering homeschooling the teen but he’d eventually come to his senses. It was time to let their boy back into the world. 

“Do you think he’s going to be ok?” Asked Matt once he was sure Sonny was upstairs out of ear shot.  
“I don’t know,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter Sonny heads off school, will the boy take it in his stride or was Matt right to be worried ?
> 
> Thank you for reading :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Matt will be a bigger part of future chapters but I focused on Logan/sonny to help set up the story.  
> Thanks for reading have a good day.


End file.
